Be fake and deny myself what I really wanted in life. Peace, quiet, respect and to be loved. I chose the latter and my so called "friends" all stopped talking to me. I wanted to be true to myself instead of doing what everyone wanted me to. I can't be fake anymore. If I lose acquaintances because of that so be it. I'm much happier now, though a little lonely at times. LOL.
I said it the other night during a fight with my boyfriend. I was saying that I just couldn't be with him anymore because I felt like I was ruining his life. I want him to finish college, go to MIT and get his PhD. I want him to be able to be happy and find the right girl. But I was stupid because he has shown me that I'm not ruining his life...at least not by being with him. Leaving him would cause him so much hurt and I never want to do that.
The last time I took a good look at my life realzed where I'm at, and I see the people in my life never cared about me, they never will, I don't care about myself. I want to care about myself. I want to do the right things, but I constantly make poor choices because I surround myself with unhealthy people that bring me down. It has ruined my life, I cry almost everyday, I'm in alot of pain, and I don't think anyone feels this way on a daily basis, it is just not normal.
I'm in the same boat and cry constantly.I hate 3 old friends that I want to tell so badly how I know everything they did to me but I just shut them out.My boyfriend of ten years I support with a job I detest.I can't seem to take care of myself and rarely ever have anything outside of work to home.My life improved for awhile but spiraled out of control again and becoming enlightened to the fact I have BPD and know what caused it I now have a new hatred for my late parents and think of suicide non stop but not wanting to kill myself in fear of a miserable afterlife as well.I wish you the best of luck and hope you will pull through it soon.I really just wanted to let you know you are not alone and a lot of good people get dumped on but I still have hope so keep fighting for what you deserve...Peace
i said it just today! i can't take living at home anymore and i am trying to get the hell out of here lol
5 hours ago when my kids were fighting over who was cleaning the bathroom. They broke the door in pushing it. I said I had it and they will be doing the bathroom together then the dinning room and the loungeroom. They went yeah. So I said your band from your computers for a week. <br />
I hate listening to fighting I can't cope with it reminds me of my parents.
i say it like 50 times a day.
today and on life but i am still here