Oh that's all right then. He can abuse you any time he likes as long as he tells you he loves you so much. afterwards. *roll eyes*
The cure is divorce.
Edit: Divorce is not easy. I know, I am mid-divorce. My wife never supported me, compromised and while she told me she loved me told me later she lied.
No kids are not afraid of divorce. I bet you are more afraid of it than they are. I struggled with my relationship for 7 years before I built up the courage to leave.
You have to be strong enough to say, "Enough." You are as human as he is. You need respect and deserve respect. If he can't give this to you without being aware of what he is saying or doing towards you then it's time to break ties. I've never been one for divorce, but if someone treats you like dirt then I would leave. You only have ONE life. You need to be loved for who you are, life is too short to be angry, to fight all the time and to settle for less than what you deserve. You just have to be STRONG and UPFRONT and FIRM in the things you address to him. If he cannot handle it then it's time to consider living for yourself. Why would you want to live the rest of your life here on earth encompassed in a man or should I say boy who treats you like crap. Think about that. You are beautiful, special and deserving. Realize that and break ties. You will be happier on your own than with someone who always brings you down.
Leave him, problem solved. The poor children have to live through this not good. You are the person that is in charge of your destiny so why don't you do what is right and I guess you could go to a marriage counselor, but why everything is already your fault. My personal opinion and everyone has one would be first separation then divorce.
Oh my god...Read my question. I feel like I'm in the same boat! My boys will be 11 and they hate the yelling. He blames me for everything- and uses sex like a punishment. We may go to counseling, but his view is that I'm the bad one. It will take YEARS to fix this. I feel so small and I'm to the point that I don't even want to be with him, but don't want to screw up our lives, as I don't make enough to support myself and the kids.