Everyday common sense keeps me from doing some of the things I shouldn't do, that would cause regrets. Deep regrets, such as contacting the right person for the wrong reason or vice-versa. But yesterday, rather than regret not standing up for myself, I stood up against corporate stupidity, the stupid corporation held its ground and simply dismissed me, but, I know I am right, and I know that others have heard me, not just the walls.
3 days ago. My husband asked a question, I wasn't sure how to take it, I almost blew up on him. Instead, I bit my tongue and asked a few questions myself and avoided a conflict. I have to remind myself to stop and think before I speak sometimes.
Last winter I wanted to kill the peonies in my yard because my stbxh's ex-wife would not leave us alone (I now know it was up to my stbxh to grow a pair... and stop getting off on pitting people against one another, sick jerk) and for a week she bugged us about coming to dig up the plants that were "hers".<br />
I went so far as looking up the best way to kill them, and bought a bunch of salt as advised. (The man at the convenience store asked, "Oh, so you are going to do a lot of baking?" and I lied, "Yes".) After emptying the salt into big jugs, I decided that killing nature was not the way to deal with this person who (just like my stbx MIL) destroys everything and everybody in her life because of her intense self-loathing and severe mental illness.<br />
Nothing - not even sheer evil - is worth harming the innocent in the process.
Two weeks ago, I needed to die.........couldn't use a gun (that would so hurt!), only had a .22 and I was afraid if I hung myself, someone would say, ''Does that rope make her butt look big?"<br />
I so not want to wake up to see the sunrise...........and damn if it don't happen. I have a crappy lonely life, no food, car or job or man.............I never say, ''Whats next???" But sometimes I WANT to say, ''A little warning about how BAD it's gonna get okay?"<br />
I have no restraint... I don;t think i have in a longgggg time ... or not that I can recall anyway