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I no longer wanted to see someone recently. The real reason was that his company bored the tears out of me but, he was downright gifted in the bedroom. Strange combination! He could not fathom "why" and attempted to be all approachable (which I found totally irritating) but, would not drop the one question, "what happened"? I had nothing kind to say, didn't want to criticize as it wasn't a personality defect- I just didn't like his personality. I ran into him after a short hiatus and it only reconfirmed the utter yawn factor of his company but, he described the interaction as "great". Not wanting to hurt his feelings with a bleak character assessment- and likely unfair, as it was only MY perception, I offered nothing and avoided it. However, even when being what he thought was "non-threatening", he still wanted to know- "Why" or "What happened?". Is that a mandatory part of the separation process? Is an explanation "owed?
CagedKitty CagedKitty 36-40, F 17 Answers Feb 19, 2009

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I don't think you need to be specific, in fact I don't think it helps to get involved in the whys and wherefores.



"It just wasn't working out" always seems to sum it up.

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Holy sh!t is this similar to me and my last bf... in my case he was totally terrific in the bedroom and totally needy everywhere else! I had to be a combo hot-chick/mother to him.



I do believe we owe someone an explanation... in proportion to how serious the relationship seemed to be before the breakup. If you were like living with him, them you def. owe him something more than a ttyl. If it was just a hookup that went on long, then what you have already done is fine.

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You don't necessarily "owe" anyone anything, but as courteousy I would explain to them yes you just weren't feeling it anymore, it will help the other person understand that they need to move on, versus feeling confused, in the dark and more upset.

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First off it depends on how long you have dated. One-three dates; no explanation needed. But once a relationship starts in ernest then I beleive you own that person some explanation. They don't have to agree or like it, but if they want to know you should tell them in as nice a way as possible.



It will do 2 things; 1) if they have some crazy habit, smell, crazy ex, etc etc etc at least they know your reasoning and may be able to re-evaluate themself (maybe there is nothing wrong, but knowing they smell might help them out). 2) it will help the healing process along. At least they know and can move on. They won't wonder what they did, they will know and as mentioned above they can choose to change or not.

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hmm thats tough...i would tell him..or try to...when people have wanted to break up with me in the past i have always wanted to know why-no matter what the reasons are-at least then you know and can try and get over it-you wont be spending you days moping around wondering"why did they break up with me?" once you know..i think its just easier to get over...

i would try to tell him as nice as possible though because that will hurt no matter how it comes out...but things like that happen right? its okay

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It depends upon the relationship. However I can say from being on the receiving end, "it just didn't work out" is a cop out. I am not asking to fix a broken relationship, but trying not to make the same mistakes over again. If I do not know what they are how can I change. Saying "If you don't know, you won't understand" is more hurtful than you can imagine. Say you've grown, say there are parts of him that you can not stand, say you "lost the spark". say the truth, but say something. Saying "It's not your fault, I just don't see it working out", hurts more than you can understand. If he hasn't cheated, lied, or been abusive, if all he has done was love you, he deserves a reason (if he has been one of these, he has his reason).

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I think it can depend on the length and depth of the relationship, but generally, if you been in a committed, monogamous relationship for some period of time, then yes, some explanation is due. However, the caveat here is that some people might take the explanation as an opportunity to "fix" things, which generally isn't possible. And while I realize telling someone that you do still care about on some level, something along the lines of, "you suck in bed" or, "you have the personality of a snail" isn't easy, sometimes, it's just what is needed to make a clean break.

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If he needs closure, then an explanation would really help that along. As to if you owe it.. you don't owe it, but if he wants it, it'd be a courteous thing to do.

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Lots of great posts here. I would just add that the reason he is asking why is, in all likelihood, he desperately wants to get back together. If I'm right, the best thing you can do is to be honest, but kind (something like, "I just don't feel like we are a good long-term match") and to avoid him so he can move on.

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If you want him off your back about WHY then tell him there's someone else you're really interested in. That usually deters further pursuit and lets him down without directly insulting him.

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I have been on both end of this question. I have been broken up with without a explaination. The relationship just kinda melted away after a few months. We still e-mail and txt, but I except that it's over and don't know what a reason would really answer. I am also in the process of winding down a relationship that lost it's spark, I know I should say something, have the talk, but I am afraid the other person will want to try to fix the relationship and in my eyes it's just not worth it.



So no you don't really owe them an explanation in my book.

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Please don't say "you are a bore". You never know what shortcomings you have and people never say to your face. Make up something painless to say.

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Sounds pretty uncomfortable. If you don't want to do something...Screw it. More people need to indulge their lazy, inconsiderate side.

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