I'm a tall, blonde, Finnish guy. Except I can't speak Finnish, and I'm far from rich :p
I'm no underwear model, but only cuz I haven't auditioned ;)
Pish... I'm way better looking than TV ugly.
Would you settle for a middle age average height middle class guy?
Well I can yell and spank you in a Southern accent if that will work.
And that's a bad thing? I can always use my drill sergeant's voice