Wow. I know a kid who fits your desc<x>ription almost exactly. This is scary.<br />
Look, if you are serious about finding some help and you live in the USA (I do not know enough about other countries to say), very likely your best bet is to approach a trustworthy teacher or school administrator and ask for help. Your problems were more common than I would like to think in the school where I taught some years ago. Not only do the good guys in a school system have the training to help, they are sometimes blessed with discretionary funds as well. <br />
If that is not a possibility, then consider looking up and calling a local government agency that deals with this type of thing. I am not a big fan of government; however, this is one thing they often do better than private help, mainly because there is more oversight of their activities. If you have trouble finding them, you can google your local crisis line and call them to get the contacts you need. <br />
Regardless of what you do with the above information, please understand the following. You are not the only one to feel ugly at your age. I did, too, and so have many, many others. The same goes for being unsure of yourself. Most of us realize, when we look back, that we had nothing to feel shaky about except our own self-perceptions. If you are truly unfortunate looking, remember Stephen Fry. Boxy, lumpy, gay in a period where being gay was really hard -- yet what an exceptional and complete man. <br />
Have a bit of faith in your biology. Your mind will change in seemingly miraculous ways sometime within the next few years. You must hang in there to know. As for the cutting and such, you probably should find a counselor or doctor. <br />
You be strong, and good luck.
Don't worry too much about those scares. There is simply nothing to be done about changing them. There is much to do about making sure that you do not add to them. If anyone laughs or take issue with them, just laugh right along -- "I know. What was I thinking?" sort of thing. There is something to that old saw about deciding and acting with confidence as truth in advance.
For all the answers here you should know that you are protected by the Hipaa laws which give you privacy for medical treatment. AA has a program for cutters.You need to save yourself!
Friend's son got the number (1800Don't cut )1 800 366 8288 at meeting. Whatever you do find help talk to a pastor they have resources for help centers.You have to seek till you find don't be discouraged keep trying to stop and get help...rape crisis center should help you too . The cutting is from that issue left unattended..
first of all, you need to stop listening to all the negativety around you. you need to believe in yourself.<br />
you're unique, and you probably have a hidden talent inside you. STOP telling yourself that you're fat<br />
and ugly !!! don't pay any attention to the mean people that laugh at you. unfortunately, your parents <br />
are your parents,and there's nothing you can do to change that. sorry for your misfortunate problem <br />
of being raped. that's where all this garbage started. don't cut yourself, stand tall, be proud of who<br />
you are !!! without you in this world, you will never know who does care for you. I think everyone on this <br />
site cares for each other, and we reach out to those who need answers. my best answer for you is,<br />
just live, smile, know that in someone's eyes, you're a very special person. :)
if it really hurts you and bothers you when your big brother jokes around about your cutting, then, tell him how it makes you feel. you shouldn't feel ashamed for cutting yourself, but, you really do need to find another way of letting out your feelings. there are many teenagers that have this same problem, and they are going to really hurt themselves badly, and end up in a hospital. then what do you tell your parents ? talk to them or even a school counselor and let them know what is going on. life is too precious to give up, and think there's no hope. :)
you seem worried about your mom. you love her very much, and I know she loves you. think about how she would feel if she knew you were dieing, and how worried you would be to know that she was scared, and cutting herself to ease the pain. don't worry, you don't have to tell your brother about you cutting yourself, just tell him that it hurts you because a friend that you know is doing that. but, I wish you would talk to someone, and seek some help. you're very bright and intelligent, you're welcome to message me here if you want to talk. maybe we can come up with some ideas together to get you some help without your parents knowing about this problem. :)
I would suggest you look in the yellow pages under mental health. They have all kinds of listings there. I don't know how you are going to pay for this. I think there are state run clinic's but you would have to have your parents know about it maybe.<br />
Call different places like the state run clinic and ask them if you can see them with out your parents permission. Ask a counselor at school if they know of anything to help you.<br />
I wish you could at least tell one of your parents so they could help get you to some therapy.