That would be the way I feel all day every day!!!!
I feel EXACTLY like you. Exactly. Your answers could certainly be my own words. It's a chronic feeling (or lack of it). Chronic, althought sometimes, in certain circunstances, I start to feel something, anger, joy, sadness, actually, I like to feel ager and I like even to fell sadness, do you got it? I like because I feel alive, because I feel it's a real thing, I feel like a human being again. Frequently I even hit the walls to feel something. I don't know why I got this way, all I know is that it started to happen to me about one year ago, and since then it just got worse and worse. A lot of things happened in my life before this state of mind taking over, this I know: I almost collapsed, everyday my anxiety was so high that I could badly sleep, and I felt like I could have a heart attack or a stroke at any time. I would wake up at an early hour and go out to walk to decrease my anxiety. And then, I started to feel this extreme emptiness, it's the worst thing you can imagine, nothing I've ever felt is worse than this. It's strange because, very strange, because, for example, I don't play soccer the same way I did before, it look like I unlearned how to do it, sometimes I miss very easy passes that I wouldn't miss even when I was 10 years old. I play soccer since I was hmm 7 years old. At the same time, I can dribble more easyly, because my movements became less predictable, and as I'm empty, even when playing, I don't act anymore with excessive hurry, and sometimes it's good. But it's a very bad condition, sometimes, when I'm talking to someone, I feel like it's a complete empty talk, and I feel like it doesnt matter what word I'm going to use, or what I'm going to say. Despite my efforts, my relationships are becoming more and more empty. It's sad, very sad, I sometimes think about killing myself but emptiness doesnt let me to do it. (laughs). Well, thats it, I don't know what to do, my life is horrible, but as I'm empty, I can now do things that a feared before, because I don't feel anxiety anymore, I don't feel nothing in reality. I dont know what to do but I'm working and I'll start to study again. The job is being good to me. I mean, I think I got better after I start to work. I know playing video-games is good also. I don't know, I'm trying.
I used to feel pretty numbed out...this included depersonalization and derealization...I've been slowly getting more tuned in over the years.<br />
Last year that tuning-out ability mysteriously...just...stopped, and I was all the way here for the first time in 30 years... (AAAAHHH!)<br />
Got some memories back, found what seem to be other personalities as well-they do not think like I do.<br />
I would actually recommend you take up both meditation and T'ai Ch'i, as this can help you tune in. However, dissociation is a defense mechanism...and it's not likely to get better unless you are able to feel safe and cared-for.
There's youtube vids on T'ai Ch'i forms...which is good because I'm usually semi-broke too. Actually any martial art would be good because it forces you to focus entirely on moving your body. It's just that T'ai Ch'i does it in a much slower way.
...It's not the dead person you really have to feel empathy for, I mean you can, but they are kinda, well, beyond really appreciating it.
It's the people who have to live on with the loss who deserve empathy, including yourself.
It's completely normal to space out like this-it's a survival mechanism-your brain, for whatever reason, is just STILL stuck in survival mode.
I'm very sorry about your friend. Did this start with his shooting or was it pre-existing? Have you had treatment for PTSD yet?
were you derealized before his death, or have just been stuck there since his death?
I can't look at your profile; you're underage. I don't know when he died or what other sorts of trauma you may have had so far. A year is a long time to be completely numb.
I feel that way and why my thoughts is because of how everyone works all time and people thinks thats all there is to life thats what lifr has become bout work ads and stores
If you feel nothing or empty then that in itself is a feeling. I'm not being picky i'm just sayin...you have the capacity so at the very least you know you "can" feel.
Not me - I can't stop my 'flood of emotions' (which is why I meditate and take medication for PTSD/Anxiety/Panic Disorders) You could be clinically depressed, or it could just be a 'phase'.
What you describe could be dissociation. You really should consider talking to a psychologist who may be able to help.
I was in therapy for a very long time earlier in my life - I recommend: 'don't walk run' to a new therapist! - no bullshit - - don't waste time with people who aren't responsive and can't guide you to a better place! write me pvt for support if you want - I have a some experience about these issues. Be well.
It's ok. you're not alone. If you want - pvt= private - just 'friend' me and we can exchange EP mail, or just post to my whiteboard. if not me that's cool too - just don't stop asking for help and don't waste time with people who don't seem to be listening or helping.
Find inspiration. I'm not seeing this is the solution but it help. Get yourself a camera, and just go places like a bridge, garden, tourist attraction or something and just take pictures. You can use these pictures to identify your life and situation e.g. black an d white pictures are usually sad but if the moment captured is beautiful it outshines the glum. you get my drift?
It'll get better, you're a young hormonal creature right now. As you take more control of your life and pursue your own goals, life will improve.
pretty much feel nothing but disgust all the time,does that count as nothing?
I do, since my brain injury.
Chronic feelings of emptiness is one of the diagnostic criteria of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). You would have to have another four from the list to be diagnosed with it though. Have a look: http://psychcentral.com/disorders/borderline-personality-disorder-symptoms/
Do you have 5/9 from that list. If so, it might be worth getting a diagnosis and treatment.
So, were yo diagnosed?
Clinicians are reluctant to diagnose BPD before the age of 18.