Who feels like therapy is a waste of time?

LOL to MissBebe.

I was in therapy for 3 years on and off before I really came 'unstuck'. The breakthrough was the realization that the only one who could fix my problems was me, even though others had done me wrong and it was their fault I was so messed up in the first place. Kind of like you can't change the past, but you can change the future.

Therapy is frightening, and never easy. You're right, YouNeverKnow. Sometimes it's a waste of time, but sometimes, it's very, very helpful.

It is a waste of time if you are spending your time with the wrong therapist. They are not all created equal :/
You don't have to go with the first person who will see you.

Maybe you need to change directions, tell the therapist you think it's a waste of time. You hired them, get your money's worth.

I don't think therapy is a waste of time, but I think it should be taken in small doses. There are so many different kinds of treatment, and so many different schools of thought, and so many different therapists - it's a nightmare for many people to find the right mix.

*raises hand* You just have to think things through yourself most of the time. It's great if you are completely messed up, but other things are just life and things you should deal with on your own- otherwise you will be in therapy the rest of your life.

At the time you are going through it- it may not seem to be helping.
Then one day-
it all clicks for you.

You may not be ready for it at the time. When it does start to work for you; it generally works well.

Or as others have said
you have the wrong therapist.

Therapy is not a waste of time. Some therapists are, though.

We just have to be lucky to find one who knows what he/she is doing. Not a money-hungry quack.

Speedo, Sage, and Sameswag; I wanted to say that I agree with you. If you're REALLY messed up to begin with, therapy doesn't do much good.

If you aren't;
Honest
Can't follow instructions
Don't take the time to think things out
And, do the same old stuff that you did before you got messed up,

Therapy doesn't help. It is about helping you to solve your own problems. It's not about them solving it for you.

Sage, if the therapy is helping you, and you are making some breakthroughs, don't quit because you are burned out. There may come a day shortly when you'll be able to get along without it, but right now, it would just be too easy to "go back."

I have found therapy to be invaluable....It shed a lot of light on my circumstances....and I grew a lot, as a result of it.

it's never worked for me so i find it to be a waste of time and money.

I totally manipulated my therapist and mother who made me go. The first 5 sessions i wouldn't speak at all. Then I realized that I'd definitely rather be somewhere else doing anything else but talking to a shrink so I told the therapist everything that sounded good just so the sessions would end. Afterwards I did realize that I shouldnt have taken the easy way out. I was in therapy for a reason!

Here's where I was when I FINALLY found a great therapist: I had been in Alanon - and for the first time was making a lot of progress. But it hit a wall & an Alanon person gave me the card for HER therapist. I didn't go right away cuz ALL the other therapists I saw did NOT help - not because I wasn't willing to be honest or work on things - quite the opposite. I was also in a place where I was trying to 'love myself' and I couldn't do it! I felt like I trying to pull a rabbit out of an empty hat.

WHen I met her she said that, in her experience, people needed to get it from the outside first - the way we were supposed to as children (parents teach us how lovable and special we are, etc) And over time, a person gets filled up to where they have it, on their own. That was the biggest turning point for me.

As far as this 'thinking things out on your own' - idea. I'm sorry but I am going to come out and say this: That is sick thinking - here's WHY: EVERYONE needs help in various forms. Humans are social creatures DESIGNED to interact with each other, get support from each other, grow & learn from each other, and reflect each other. Sure, thinking through some things on your own is great - but not all of them all the time - people NEED to talk things over with others.

And Therapy is about HEALING. ALL parents have some failings - we are human - so ALL people will have some amount of baggage. A good therapist helps you to find the root of what's bothering you, work through it, heal & then be able to be free of it. WHo can say they don't want/need that? It's NOT a matter of "how messed up you are" - I think MOST people can benefit from some amount of therapy. WHen was the last time you ran into someone & thought - wow! they're so balanced & well adjusted! ALso here;s a statistic for you: appx 80% of ALL people have gone through some amount of abuse and neglect. And as far as therapy in small doses.....that's purely personal. I wanted to get better as fast as I could - had a lot of work to do - and did not want to take my sweet time - so I did it steadily and frequently - it was more painful - but for me it worked best as I was in pain anyway. Most people I have known to truly get better - went regularly - weekly &/or were in Alanon or support groups also.


Now, Sage360 - I definitely agree that this is prolly an issue with your therapist - and it sometimes takes seeing a few to find the one who really helps. ( I went through 8 before I found a good one) Getting recommendations from people who seem like they're getting better is a great place to start. It also helps, alot, to know what your goal is - what do you want from therapy - otherwise it's easy to be drifting around accomplishing little.

**I would google articles on effective/good therapy vs bad/ineffective - and YES there are a lot of bodies of thinking, like nansaltar said. But a couple things off my head that are signs to MOVE ON & explore new therapists:

- you're honest & have communicated your feelings & goals to therapist but still feel like you're getting nowhere
- therapist writes everything you say but has little to say back to you.
- therapist does NOT have some clear but respectful ideas of what treatments are out there - and what recommendations they think are best for you to try.
- they have NOT been in extensive counseling & do not participate in larger therapy consultation groups (a bunch of therapists who check in & look for blind spots in themselves).
- if therapist tells you there are certain things you cannot recover from (like maternal rejection or sudden loss of wealth or whatever) - (not the same as having a legitimate disorder that may need lifelong balancing).
- a good therapist WILL provide direction
- a good therapist will tell you to feel your feelings (rather than ignore them) and help you to work through them.

GOOD THERAPY:
- a good therapist will look you in the eye - show compassion and genuine concern & motivation.
- a good therapist will NOT be arrogant, unwilling to listen to other opinions/treatments, or speak over you
- a good therapist will make you feel safe
- a good therapist will be able to point out some of your behaviors and help define your patterns & help you find root causes.

How to know it's working:
- You're feeling a lot of emotion - which might feel really crappy at first.
- you are feeling a little lighter after a session.
- you are starting to understand WHY you feel the way you do.
- you feel like a 'fog' is starting to clear.
- you notice small improvements in some area of your life.
- you are revisiting childhood experiences and starting to work through them.
- you're therapist knows of many other resources - other therapists, support groups, ALanon/12 step groups, and has knowledge of or knows doctors who can prescribe medication.
- is willing to work on a sliding scale - in my personal opinion - a therapist who refuses to do sliding scale does not truly care - unless they charge so little to begin with.

I hope this helps - God speed finding a therapist who helps you!!

If you are not willing to listen to advice and determined to have it your own way, a therapist is a waste of time!

the therapist

My motto is you get out of it what you put into it. So if you go into it with a open mind and are ready and willing to change, to actually work for it, it will work. Realize that it will not happen over nite, after all it took how many years to get you to this point.
Also realize not every therapist is the right "fit" for you. It is okay to try out a therapist. They each have a different style and approach. So if you are doing your part, but just not feeling like it is working, then like others have said it is time for a new therapist. It is also okay to call an office and say I am looking for a therapist that is well educated in and has experience in...fill in the blank.For instance; I would say domestic violence. Now they may all be educated in it but does not mean they have experience in that area. Which can make a huge difference.
I am on my 3rd therapist in less than a year. First one had no clue and did nothing to help me. I really tried and finally could not take it anymore. Second one I only went to initial appt--I knew her appraoch was to "brisk" or blunt for me. So back to the drawing board I went. Do not rely completely on your insurance to tell you who is in network, mine doesn't. Better to do your own leg work and make the calls yourself. Your Dr may have some referrals, or church, any support group you may go to.
Best of luck to you.

People who know nothing about it.

physical or mental?

I spent 18 mo. in therapy I could not use my right leg so with out it I would be in a wheel chair.

I have never needed therapy. I work my own mind problems out. There are solutions to most problems. Talk doesnt work so much as taking action.