I feel you. Ii had a partner who was very needy, couldn't make his own decisions etc. On our second date he said we could get married that very day. Needless to say I fled and never looked back.
At that time I was emotionally supporting a male friend of mine who had a bad break-up and a rough childhood. His Mum passed away when he was 4 and his Dad has a major cigarette addiction. Frustrating though it was, I paid for my friend to eat, comforted him with all his pains and did everything I could to boost his confidence. Eventually that led to love and we dated for a year. After that, his Dad got into some legal trouble and I went to court with them, I wrote countless letters an got hundreds of appointments for his Da and it drove a HUGE wedge between me and my family. They wanted me to dump my boyfriend because he was "dragging me down". But I persevered, I fought on and hell I was really cranky under all the stress. But you know what? We made the biggest move of all, his Dad wouldn't help himself so we walked away. That was 2009, 2010 he asked me to marry him. After a 2-year job he has so much more confidence, my family love him, he's said no to his Dad several times and won't leet his Dad inflict such a level of stress on me again. Last year we got our own home and a dog, who is like the third part of our little family unit. Next year, I'm marrying the very broken guy I started off with. Good things do happen if you work at them!
Thank you for this story. It inspires me to keep working hard at my own relationship!
All relationships take work, and yes, just because he needed a lot of support doesn't mean he doesn't make me angry at times- relationships are no walk in the park. You need to weigh up the pros and cons whenever you have an arguement, normally the pros make it far worth resolving the problem :-)
Again I feel you. I was engaged 2.5 years to a man who wasn't prepared to make the leap. I did everything I could to make sure we could have our future but he wasn't prepared to make that step. His loss, just like your ex-husband. You will find a man who can be your everything and you will be his world in return. Have faith.
This happened to me. I had a man tell me that he wanted me to bear his children. That if we pursued a relationship, it would be the last one he would enter in his life. Said a lot of stuff.
He was drunk on valium.. he just sort of blurted all this stuff out despite his hesitance and despite knowing better. Blurted out lots about his past/history, explained a lot of things as justifications for me to walk out the door and never see him again if I chose to. It freaked the both of us out, and we didn't really address it right away. We just sort of ... ignored the outburst and kept seeing each other.
We have since addressed that moment, and many since. Our romance has grown into a wonderful relationship - orders of magnitude better than any other that I have experienced. He has since stopped drinking to self-medicate, and can stop himself when drinking socially. He no longer feels the need to take valium for anxiety, and is better able to mentally & emotionally stabilize. We've been together nearly two years. If things continue as they are for another two, or even strengthen a bit, I think I could see myself with him for quite a long time.
I have never felt that he stayed with me because of his initial assertions, and he has in fact remained true to them thus far.
Sounds like these two fellas are a lot different though!! Just trust your gut. If the sincerity really isn't there and he seems too immature for you, you know what to do. Thanks for the kind message.