Why am I more attracted to the charismatic man who treats me poorly than the ordinary man who treats me well?

DISCLAIMER: I am light headed and very tired this might not make sense

Because the other guy who treats you poorly is somewhat of a mystery to you that you are trying to solve. Also it is like a constant challenge to you to try to change him into that caring, loyal person that you deep down know he will never be.

The other guy makes it too easy for you, there is no challenge in vying for his affections because he is all too ready to throw them at your feet like a subservient puppy dog. Nobody is attracted to groveling!

Life, by its nature, is unpredictable - alive, kinetic, moving, painful, violent, passionate. It has motion, brings emotion. At birth, we are pliable, flexible, and we share our natural charisma with the world.

With old age comes dependability, predictability. You are confident in knowing that tomorrow will bring more of what yesterday offered.

Finally at death, we have the ultimate stability.

What's more stable and reliable than a corpse?

Your pick.

Evolution: a man who is a total bastard is more likely to be a good hunter and provide for you.

That's not the case nowadays though, the geeks have inherited the earth!

Who did you date, Danny Zuko?

Firstly, I will say that perhaps you need to aim for a charismatic man who treats you well.

Sometime Ordinary people are simply shy... :)

Just based on your question and summary, maybe you are being to shallow as a person. You look at the preaty wrapping but find out there is nothing inside, while the plain wrapped gift has more than you knew.
The only reason the other guy seems dull is because you are not getting to know them very well. Also if you are not very adventurous why should they be. Are you charismatic or are you more plain and ordinary and just want the exciting one because you can not generate this in your own life. Quite using the guys in your life to fill the energy that you want to experiance in your life, go and do it because you want it. Than you can take someone along with you who maybe is not so charismatic.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are just going through a transition and your trying to find your base line. Once that is understood you will find where you belong with men. Best of luck and enjoy.

We have been taught since we were little girls that if a little boy is mean to you, he likes you. this carries over in to adulthood. also, the image of your self that you project on the world is attracting the vultures. pure love of self is the key to unlocking the door of happiness with men....and a little beer and boobs always helps them appreciate you...lol.

I think it's a singular female gene - it's the only explanation I can find for why despite being 'such a good man' I'm still single after all these years.

I know that answer to this one. But you're not going to like it.
Throughout the aminal kingdom it has been shown time after time that even those animals that supposedly pair for life have a high incidence of differing DNA tracking to the male partner. In short, Mrs Parrot, Penguin or Armadillo is having a bit on the side with that hunky stud down the street, then getting Mr Parrot to help raise the offspring. And while I'm sure Mr Parrot is none the wiser, he keeps his end of the deal. It's likely that she chose him as a good provider, but flirted with the stud for his genes.
Now this arrangement works well enough as long as no one finds out about it, and as long as everyone keeps their end of the deal. But it seems that somewhere along the line human women have developed a need to keep eating there cake and still wanting to have it.
The stud in question, however, has his own agenda. To put it out there as much as he can for as long as his good fortune lasts. And ladies, you aint gonna change him. So my advice is find a nice guy, or get used to cooking for one.

in life we are looking for the extraordinary. you had that with your husband. now that he is gone you are looking for something fresh. something to help you feel alive and while the charismatic man is new and exciting he treats you somewhat less than what you deserve but you are a bold woman who can't stand blandness. don't give in to the nice, boring guy. there are so many guys out there who will treat you like the princess you are and will be charismatic. the sea is full of fish you just sunk your hook into the wrong one throw him back and keep fishing girl!!

There is nothing "wrong" with you. You were married and your life was pretty much routine and you have the comfortable man and then you have the rogue. It's understandable that you're looking to the more outgoing fellow but don't get emotionally involved. You should make sure the toned down gentleman knows that you are not interested in a one on one relationship so that HE doesn't get too involved and has the option of finding a woman whose more suitable to his expectations and will appreciate him.