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I love my fiance to death and were getting married on June 18th of this year. But i don't know why but randomly i just get this urge to be hateful and mean towards him and i don't know why i do it. And i'm afraid one day its going to drive him away. I mean i really love him i really really do and he's the one i wanna spend the rest of my life with, but i don't understand why i act the way i do and get mad over such little and stupid things. Its like i'm trying to push him away? But in reality i don't want to. I also bottle things up alot and try to act like i'm not upset, and sometimes i'm upset and i don't know why. I really wish i could change the way i am, and talk through my problems but most of the time i shut down and play the slient treatment. Why am i this way? :(
helloashley helloashley 18-21 17 Answers May 23, 2011

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When I'm mean towards the ones I love it's usually because I'm disappointed in them.

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But i'm not disappointed in him, i'm proud of him he's changed soooo much in the last year and has really grown up and became a better person. Now two years ago i was really disappointed in him.

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Well I have the same problem...I am a B'''', yes I know I am.. I have terrible mood swings..geez probably bipolar I dunno! My husband irritates me...He does things that just get on my last nerve sometimes..Hope this answer helps lol

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There is something about him in common with you that you can't get over and that you dislike. Something about yourself that is also similar with him. That causes conflict between the two of you. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. This I know. That's why I'm by myself!!!

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Because you fear intimacy and if you let your wall down, that person may hurt you. You are not willing to risk it. Also, You are trying to see how far you can go before that person will leave you.

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Perhaps you simply have not learned how to communicate so it puts you into stress overload trying figure out how to share your thoughts.<br />
First, let go of any stereotype you think you belong in, including the ones the involve your personallity. It is you talking to him, there is no other person you have to be at that point except for your self. <br />
Also, perhaps you have a nervous issue, it's just that your nervousness comes out in the form of anger. Acting is the same as lieing, if you act like nothing is wrong you will spend a lifetime missinterpreting eachother (false signals). <br />
Remember, this is not a power struggle, it is a partnership with equal resposibillity.

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thank you. :)

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i appreciate that - I act the same. not in a relationship, completely reasonable person; in a relationship, stark raving mad lunatic. i got here by googling "why am i so hateful when i don't want to be" and i can say i feel overstimulated around people - i feel their feelings and I get overloaded and can't act right, can't talk nice because I am overstimulated.

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Sounds like me when I was your age. He was my first live in boyfriend and I think I treated him how I grew up seeing my Mum treat my Dad, bloody awful. I never knew why but I'd want an arguement and somehow made it happen. The next boyfriend was like me but full of accusations about me cheating on him. Soon snapped me out of it. I think its about finding the persn you are. You want a long, healthy marraige so calm down, pick the fights that matter and don't touch the rest. Nothing wrong with being wrong and apologising, it earns more respect.

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Thats crazy, i feel the same way about the whole arguement thing, sometimes i feel like i need to have one and i make it happen and i don't know why? And as far as the whole admitting i'm wrong and apolgising thing thats hard for me too. I'm a stubborn person and don't want to admit it. But actually lately i have gotten better at apologising and admitting i'm wrong...which is abit of an improvement. I think some of my anger towards him lately is just him not being around cause he's in AIT, and i just idk worry about getting hurt. Because like two years ago we were on and off talking and he was kind of into drugs then, and i was the one that saved him and got him out of them...but back then he was also messing around on me with other girls and what not while he was talking to me. So i'm thinking that has something to do with it?

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yeah it does. my husband's not a cheat, but I have carried around a lot of anger about how would bend over backwards to please him and he would still be unsatisfied - he's grown a lot, he's not like that anymore, but I suffered a lot catering to his every whim, especially when it would change 50 million times and I have a lot of time to process how hard that was. I love him more than anything, would go through it again, but I'm angry.

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I am the same way and I went to a doctor and discovered that I have Borderline personality disorder

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Oh wow, do you happen do have anxiety alot because I'm scared I may have a slight personality disorder too, but I'm scared to say something incase I'm completely wrong.

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omg we are sharing the same life.Lol I'm getting married in July.We've been together for 2 years I screamed at him tonight for cutting me off in mid sentence he was only kidding and normally I laugh but tonight I do maybe I was freaking out because I thought there was cop falling me while I was driving

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Japanese-Anime has a term similar to this, called a Tsundere. <br />
Tsun-irritable, dere-lovey dovey. <br />
Usually compared with the girl in elementary who's mean to the boy she has a crush on.

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I can feel for your situation but would highly suggest counseling BEFORE you got married. It would be much cheaper than having to pay for divorce lawyers AFTER marriage...lol This isn't a knock on you at all but you could have HCP (High Conflict Personality) It is treatable. A good counseler would give you ways to help you deal with this before you explode. <br />
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I am sure you love your fiance dearly. I am sure you wouldn't want him to be miserable. When we commit to marriage it is no longer about what we want and need. It becomes about the needs of two people. Living with somebody who explodes for no apparent reason is a VERY difficult experience. Most will eventually just get out. Early on in a relationship we tend to overlook our other half's worst qualities. It is easy to do when you are going through that whole newness, love/lust phase. Over a few years though a person will just give up & with good reason. <br />
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I dated a girl for a while who had this exact problem. The more I tried to "understand" or defuse the situation the worse it got. When she refused counseling I broke up. Yea I was in love but know that my love alone would never change this. Of course that caused this whole stalking harrassing behavior from her but that's another story in itself...lol I would just encourage getting help. If not not only will this relationship fail but so will any future one.<br />
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Best of Luck<br />
NSH :-)

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cos your a *****,,, simple

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coz,you care.........yep,you care....

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haha okay.

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Grow up. Get some therapy. Else you may lose him. Why should he have to put up with yr childish tantrums? Sort yr head out.

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I may be young, but I completely understand what you mean. Every time I care for a guy I act mean to him. I don't know why I do it, but I just do. Sometimes I think I'm being funny, but I too am scared he'll get sick of it one day. I really care for this person, and don't want him to think I'm trying to be intentionally mean and negative it's just some strange problem I have.

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