Why are guys so inept, they're unable to love kids that aren't theirs? !?
It's not like I'm any different from any other young-looking, attractive chic. I just have kids, not AIDS or the Bubonic Plague!!! SO why do guys, who would normally love kids and that seem attracted to you @ 1st, after getting to know you, showing an interest and treating you as if you were actually desireable, delete you from their social circle entirely, as soon as they find out you have kids?! It's FLIPPIN' RIDICULOUS!!!
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43 Answers to "Why are guys so inept, they're unable to love kids that aren't theirs? !?"
Posted by Rugbylover Mar 30th, 2010 at 12:03PM
How come they only find out you have kids later? Were you not up-front about that from the beginning? Maybe they are just suspicious of someone who gets to know them and springs it on them later.
If you watch any talk show where people talk about domestic problems, the women in the audience will invariably applaud when some says 'I'd put my kids above any man'. In other words a man entering this kind of relationship ill be a second class citizen from the start, whose support is welcomed or needed at some times but made to know he's the outsider at others.
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Posted by Egoberd Mar 21st, 2010 at 4:30PM
I wear my kids on my sleeve. It's one of the first things a new person in my life will know about me because it's the biggest, most important factor in my life (right now).
My man accepted my oldest son from the beginning. His love for my child as his own is one of the biggest factors in our staying together.
And the man I dated before also loved my son deeply. We've been broken up for 2 years and he still emails me to see how he's doing.
So, while SOME guys are not able to, or are not interested in, loving a child that is not theirs you should probably refrain from such broad generalizations. They simply aren't true.
Like (5)
Posted by drwarrenkrugar Jan 22nd, 2010 at 1:59PM
Leading question and a logical fallacy based on a hasty generalization and a leading question.
Once could substitue the word gals for guys here and it would still apply to a limited cohort.
Having said that, I'm sorry that this has been your experience, and I would say that the fault lies with yourself for not having exercised good judgement in your selection of a partner.
Like (4)
Posted by chaosrabbit Dec 7th, 2009 at 12:43PM
um...maybe becuse the kid ISNT thiers? ( i think you answered your own question)
Like (4)
Posted by Angeleyes777 Dec 8th, 2009 at 3:46PM
I know how you feel sweetie i am a single mother of two children. And one of the first things i tell guys are that i have two kids and if they are not interested then thats their problem.
I was single for 3 years cos most men ran a mile when they found i had kids.
I remember after having my last child, i lost 3 stone and i was out one night. This guy was chatting me up at the bar and he said wow there isnt a pick on you and i said i just had a baby. (Well she was about 4 months old) and he went aarrggh and ran. It was upsetting to say the least.
Like (3)
Posted by BellaVara Dec 8th, 2009 at 3:45PM
I know right??
I want to adopt, but when bringing up to my boyfriend about doing that in the future, he says he cant love a child thats 'not his.'
WTF!!
I sware, men have no hearts :/
Like (3)
Posted by Castellan79 Dec 7th, 2009 at 12:45PM
Well, I love my daughter, so I can't say all guys fear the instant family. That being said, why would you categorize a man not interested in adding children to his life as "inept"? As though acceptance of your children into their life is something they automatically be prepared for and do? Barring certain situations, you had a choice on having kids in your life. Do you think part of being a man is the absence of that choice (in situations where the man in question isn't the natural father)? Potential suitors do not owe you a blind eye toward the most life altering and serious circumstance you bring to the table.
Like (3)
Posted by Warmhand Dec 7th, 2009 at 12:25PM
They are not inept, but unwilling. Having to include and accept the 'little people' in a relationship is a level of commitment that their not willing to make. I agree with Rugbylover's point about transparency and would add that you're probably dating the wrong type of men. Women do this repeatedly, hence the question 'why are women always attracted to b*****ds'.
Like (3)
Posted by LizardKing Dec 7th, 2009 at 10:54AM
Honestly I can say that they can love them, but a lot of guys AND girls (this works both ways too) just aren't ready to have a kid or raise a kid.
Like (3)
Posted by PausingDrifter Mar 26th, 2010 at 10:19AM
I find your question insulting and patronising. Get a bit more life experience before you generalise **** like that!
Like (2)
Posted by ecpc Dec 7th, 2009 at 12:47PM
Why do all men get stereotyped as if they were one person??...Sounds like double standards,..is perhaps the root of the problem....I know it scares me away..
Like (2)
Posted by lezstar Dec 7th, 2009 at 12:47PM
Its probably more to do with you neglecting to mention you had kids in the first place.
Like (2)
Posted by cherylkay Dec 7th, 2009 at 12:31PM
I don't think you can throw the same size blanket over all guys. In my own case my husband both bonded and adopted my son from a previous marriage, and treats him (oldest) no differently than our youngest that is biologically his.
I'm sure there are men out there just as you describe, and I know there are men out there as I described ... I've been blessed to marry one!
If the shoes were reversed ... I can imagine how difficult it may be to walk into a "ready made" family. They already have their set routines ... and you become a disruption and cause instablity ... and that is one thing important to any child ... stability. Not to mention that you are "stealing" their father/mother away.
I do wish you the best!
Like (2)
Posted by vincentb Dec 7th, 2009 at 8:01AM
They Can But If They Don't That Just Means They Don't Really Love You. Because Your Kids Are Part Of You. But Also Watch The Kids Too For They Can Also Have Their Own Agenda
Like (2)
Posted by robyn Dec 7th, 2009 at 5:56AM
if they're mature, and looking to settle down, they sometimes can love you AND your kids.
Like (2)
Posted by blaster13101972 Mar 27th, 2012 at 5:47AM
Let me flip this around on you a little. When you date a woman with a kid for years, and her kid calls you Daddy, how is it that she can just remove you and the child from each others lives? Like flipping a switch? Also, kids can be wonderful, but the loser baby-daddies are a pain in the ***, especially when you happen to be a better father than they ever were. Food for thought before you go painting all men with the same brush.
Like (1)
Posted by lrkun Apr 27th, 2010 at 7:51PM
That is true. Most men want their own kids. It's genetic you see. A man wants his genes to continue or proliferate. He doesn't want to take care of other people's children.
Like (1)
Posted by borderakita Apr 5th, 2010 at 1:09AM
Not all guys are like that. It takes someone pretty special to take on the responsibility of another mans child, and all the drama that goes with it. My husband married me with 4 sons and he only had one son. I have seen my husband take my ex by the throat and lift him off the ground with one hand for kicking the youngest in the rear. He told the ex if he ever laid a hand on one of his kids again he would beat him within an inch of his life. It is very possible for a man to love someone elses child.
Like (1)
Posted by Sperious Apr 4th, 2010 at 2:52PM
That's not entirely true...not all men are like that. I am up front I have 4 kids and I just like them may not agree on being someone to take home to mother. With that said I have not had a problem with the guys I have dated accepting my children. They knew from the start even if it took a while for them to meet my children.
Like (1)
Posted by OrionsSword Mar 19th, 2010 at 12:52AM
Thank you for not saying "all" guys. Some are not inept. The ones that are were raised without enough understanding of human worth and significance.
Like (1)
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