because they WILL use it against you later no matter what they may say in the present.
They think we are going to use it against them.
cus women find rejection 4 some1 who gets 2 close.
Some of us men are very open emotionally ,just need to find that type of man.
Early cultural conditioning here in America that seems to expect us to focus more on strength and show little vulnerability. This is only half the story because it catches up to us later in life as it starts to conflict with natural instinct. When this happens we finally begin to truly enjoy, and learn how to properly deal with, the wide spectrum of emotions and feelings we've been given as we become one with ourselves. <br />
In contrast, I have seen how men from many other countries express emotions much more openly and differently than we do at comparable ages. This was an entirely new experience for me and I must say a positive one. So a lot depends on what culture you look at.
For the ones that are afraid, it's because of fear of being hurt. The misunderstanding that brings on the hurt is that women expect men to think like they do, and men expect women to feel like they do. Usually its a case of 'well that's how I would think/feel about it so they should just get that'. Reading the book men are from mars and women from venus helps the understanding. Atleastimhonest is pretty spot on too.
Girls grow up honing their emotional communication skills all the time. Boys don't, unless they've got good parenting and male role models. <br />
But there are degrees of emotionally open, and when it comes to complete openness, women are just as self-protective as men. I know that because years ago i did a lot of counselling. <br />
That kind of la<x>yered armour prevents deep hurt, but also means you are never truly known, therefore never truly loved.
Not fear--just guarded. It's not easy to be "emotionally open" with other guys, either, so it's not necessarily BECAUSE it's women. The one difference, however, is that women are more likely to do one of the following:<br />
1. Blab it to their friends--who then blab it to THEIR friends, ad infinitum<br />
2. Eventually see it as a sign of weakness/dependency<br />
3. Use it as a weapon in an argument at some point--even years or decades later<br />
4. Not realize the risk that's been taken to be emotionally open and dismiss/trivialize it
I want to find someone to be truly open and connected with, to be able to have a fluent conversation with a girl I love without holding back or being closed up, so to speak. I think it may be paranoia, but alot of the time I worry about the girl of my dreams holding back from me because of the other opportunities she will see in other men who are closed and 'show no weakness' as written above.<br />
Is this 'Macho, speak no evil hear no evil speak no evil' concept building the foundations of manhood through the Media, or are we truly afraid of our feelings for in relation to fear of rejection
Because they are thought to have no "weak" emotions by society.
well u cant say all men are..or arent..<br />
but most arent..we just dont care about **** that much<br />
but ask a guy about his hobbies or interests and thats something he'll want to talk about...
maybe there just arent so many emotions so share.. we watch sports drink beer and watch tv.. its quite simple
MANY of us (note once again not universal ruling as per atleastimhonest) have been with a woman who wanted us to talk about our emotions. however in fact it has nothing to do with what were feeling its more like emotional "jeapordy" and you have to give the response (answer) she wants or cop a tongue lashing from her. NOTE- This is not taking an interest in our emotions! There is also the social construct that men are taught that we should just grin and bear it. If your subjected to games of "emotional jeapordy" you lose interest in sharing your feelings with your partner reaaaaaaaaaal fast. Once youve been thru it more than once, one gets in the habit of the infamous "whatever you think dear" while fantasising about the tv weather girl coz she may actually respect what you feel. Also theres the problem of the emotionally manipulative ones and then your pretty well loading their cannon for them. Not very intelligent behaviour. If you want a man to express his emotions dont punish him for having them. Society does a pretty good job of that already....
not all are , I use to have this really good women friend that I met at this bar long ago while I was goin through a separation & she was already divorced :( & she & I could sit & talk about anything . she even let me sleep on her couch on Christmas eve cause I couldn't even talk to my own parents about it :( lol
For myself, the thesis in the question is backward. I'm emotionally open to women.
First off, the user 'abstraction' is right on target. The fact that, in good faith, he was a male councilor and has observed a lot of people, male to female, also grants him accountability.<br />
It all comes down to nature and nurture.<br />
Society, especially in certain cultures, teaches what all people should: feel, think, show, question, accept, etc. and to what degree. Now, upon rare occasion (at least in my experiences thus far), one will find someone who thinks for themselves.<br />
Even with social influence in small amounts, males are scientifically not as sentimental, emotional, abstract, detailed, verbal and socially literate as women, as per the difference in the human brain process. Women are not as independent, spatial, dominant, aggressive, and mathematical. Are there exceptions? Of course.<br />
To say, "males are just not that complex" and, "women will take advantage of vulnerability" is far, far too general. I have met and seen many VERY profound, abstract, emotionally literate and vulnerable males. And some males who were not the latter, tended to be attracted to and appreciative of women who were. I have also met and seen many females who DID NOT play games, attack the emotions of others (yes, including males), be unimpressed by vulnerability, and be "turned on" by machismo attitudes.<br />
Personally speaking, I, a female, am an emotional creature and have found difficulty in expressing and revealing my innermost feelings and thoughts. One rooted reason is that I have had a full spectrum of negative feedback from many encountered people, upon being vulnerable.<br />
However, that HAS NOT stopped me from expressing and revealing myself, but HAS enabled me to be more careful and observant with whom I do "open up" to.<br />
I also must add that all people have different processes of expressing openness. Just because a man does not incessantly pour his heart out in words, or even actions, does not mean he does not open himself up. One must be alert -- not only to the obvious, but also the subtle.<br />
"Up until the mid twentieth century the mountain gorilla was considered a myth. Oddly enough, a legend not unlike bigfoot or the loch ness monster. The chance of actually seeing/experiencing this elusive shadow was as likely as finding ones soulmate.<br />
Even once discovered they seemed unapproachable. The only way to get close to this magnificent creature was to become empathetic. Abandon all pretense and preconceptions.<br />
To bare an open throat.<br />
To collapse into the arms of vulnerability.<br />
All but extinct, these beings/moments are threatened by the black hearted.<br />
The cold and oblivious.<br />
The empty eyed profit seekers that overlook these<br />
Because most women don't know how to handle men's emotions despite expecting men to be delicate with theirs, especially if they are courageous enough to show their vulnerabilities. Despite all claims to the contrary, women are not able to understand nor accept that men can be emotional; such men are quickly labeled as weak or deficient. Men are conditioned to express and cope with their emotions so very differently to how women are taught to. As such, women are generally not cognizant when men express the same emotions in different ways. Men tend to be more trusting of and open up to women with their emotions if there is no judgement or condemnation, let alone acceptance in how they express themselves.