Why are we growing more apart from each other instead of growing old together? 26 years married
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6 Answers to "Why are we growing more apart from each other instead of growing old together? 26 years married"
Posted by spooky8 Feb 10th, 2013 at 11:27AM
obviously the duct tape is a little old and the rope is rotted...get some new ones
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Posted by Billynm Feb 11th, 2013 at 6:52AM
Maybe my perspective - a man married for 30 years - will help. As I age, the growing awareness that the many decisions I made with the best knowledge I had at the time have closed off and restricted what I can do now fills me with unease, though I am financially fine. So, I age, I regret I know not what (all the stuff I didn’t do), and I see my horizons getting smaller. Also I know that my decisions impact not just me and my future, but my wife and her future. But, I’m not ready to admit to someone who committed their life to me, that I have boxed in and limited their life as well. That’s what makes me distant, that one day I’ll be asked to justify a life that I am only just beginning to understand how to live. UPDATED after your response and AnonOnEP. Firstly - I recognise much of what Anon said, and agree. A big challenge is that these felt like uniquely personal issues to me, that nobody else has felt them, and that nobody else's pat solutions are the right ones. Actually the recognition that I am not the unique hero of a unique life was possibly the hardest thing. But this means that right now he might not want your help - no matter how much he needs it. That's the positive bit (!), and the bit I understand. So part of this is also about a growing awareness that everybody has challenges, fears, and concerns, and that really growing up (after middle age) is about building a genuine concern for others. Shifting any discussion away from how to solve HIS problems about how he feels, and trying to talk about how his behaviour affects you and the children might help. You leave him the "man challenge" of sorting it out whilst not letting him avoid the collateral damage he is creating. After 28 years of marriage he owes you that (I would feel I owed that) even if I then kept the right to deal with MY problems MY way
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Reply by wonderMe07 Feb 10th, 2013 at 4:23PM
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Posted by fatgurrrl May 8th, 2013 at 11:35AM
You really need to sit down and talk. I wish my husband and I would have talked more before he had an affair at almost 17 years of marriage. His fears of becoming old, unworthy, useless, the children avoiding him, all the things you are describing, became a horrible nightmare that took a lot of counseling, fighting and determination to get over the thought of another woman having sex with my husband. My nightmare became my reality. Don't put it off and let this happen to you.
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Posted by coloco Feb 10th, 2013 at 11:22AM
Don't know, we are at 22 and good to go, working at getting retired.
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Posted by DozerDan Feb 10th, 2013 at 11:20AM
Perhaps becasue you haven't worked on being with him in a really long while.
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Posted by MrsHoover Feb 10th, 2013 at 11:17AM
You need to talk to each other about how you feel.
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Reply by wonderMe07 Feb 10th, 2013 at 11:53AM
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