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Well its been a issue for some time , actually since my first real relatonship. Basically my parents were not really there for me much ..They refused to teach me to drive, so the first chance i got I made sure I had a man who could take me places, like to work , the store, etc. Now I also didnt have female friends much so i depend on my boyfriend mostly or my sister who was usually annoyed, by me or busy! Usually the guys didn't mind but after the relationship progressed within yrs and we had kids, the boyfriend would complain about me not driving, tired of taking me places, limitations to where i can work etc.etc. Now the man im with does alot for me he started off helping me when we first got together, and it was volunteer, i didnt ask , now when we argue, he throws it back in my face how much he provides and what other man would do what he's doing? When i offer to buy something for him or pay for things he refuses like he's to good to except my help! he tries to give it back! If you
Cataleya37 Cataleya37 36-40, F 12 Answers Nov 21, 2012 in Struggles

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Why not get drivers license to start....

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I think the word "co-dependent" gets misused a lot. It basically means someone who stays in a relationship with an addicted person because he or she is getting something out of that addictive behavior even though they themselves are not abusing any substances. That said, you need to talk things out honestly with your boyfriend. Either you both work to fix the issues or you call it quits.

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well i mean dependent on my boyfriend. And we have talked about this several times and the conversation always ends the same , with him being right, im wrong, and everything he does for this relationship and who else would be doing what he does! It makes me feel worthless ! And if its so bad then why is he with me?

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Look, a relationship should never be about keeping score. He agrees to drive you somewhere so now you OWE him? That's not love in my book. You do nice things for people you love because you get satisfaction out of seeing them be happy. Hate to say it, but it sounds like he doesn't love you. That said, why not learn to drive? Even if you don't get a car right away, just having your license and being able to drive yourself will help you become more independent. These days they even have these "shared car" things you sign up for on the Internet. You can get the use of a car when you need it for a fraction of the cost of actually owning, insuring, and maintaining your own car.

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Thank you for your much needed advice, i have been so down about this whole situation..but in respect to your advice Im going to learn how to drive, get my license, and save and buy me a car! In the future until the car situation is fixed, im going to use public transportation to work, and from work,and if he offers to drive me im going to turn him down !I dont care if it's cold , raining, whatever..I will get there on my own ! Also save my money and kick him to the curb!!

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Only you can decide that. I would talk things through with him first. Maybe he has good qualities that balance his negative ones, I don't know. All I'm saying is that a relationship isn't supposed to be about keeping score, but, with that said, I have a feeling a great many people don't automatically see that keeping score can kill a relationship. Maybe pointing out to him how he is making you feel might be enough for him to want to turn things around. Good luck, whatever happens.

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It's interdependence that's the answer. If he throws something (even an opinion), it's time to go.

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Wow, I agree about interdependence being good, but you lost me with the rest of the statement. You would actually leave someone for expressing an opinion different than your own? That's a pretty tough thing to find someone who agrees 100% on everything. What if he just wants pizza when you feel like chicken, or wants to watch a different movie than you do? Where do you draw the line at which different opinion is important enough to break up over?

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Hi there - yes I was not clear when I read what you said. I meant a negative and disparaging opinion that hurts you. If you point it out and he continues doing it, it just might mean that he enjoys it. Yes of course it's different story if he wants to eat turkey (and you want pizza or chicken) or wants to watch a different programme. That compromise, but it ain't nothing to do with hurting someone. "How much he does for you, pays for you" is insulting. He either wants to do that, or he doesn't.

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You ask why and it's becuase you allow you it. If they offer, you quickly take advantage, but sometimes deep inside they can be really annoyed even if they don't express it. Try saving up to buying a second car, or try public transportation.

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Time to breakup. The relationship has run its course. He no longer appreciates you because he now takes you for granted.

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That's not cool of him to refused your offerings and remind you of what he done for you. It can damage the relationship like that. Best thing to do is stop offering to pay because I think he feels emasculated. He loves giving you things and feel like a man. Why don't you take up driving lesson or get him to teach you? <br />
Another idea, take him out for dinner or ice skating or somewhere and you pay for it. You could say to him, my treat! but avoid paying for things when shopping . Hope this helps.

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stp doing it or wear a face mask

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what??????????????

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"I hate it because it's throne back in my face later..I want to stop!"
get it now?

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The fact that you use the word THRONE would suggest a subservient person, you.

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well its always constantly brought to my attention of the things he does for my .How much he provides! what he payes for , and how long hes been doing for me.

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You didn't get it did you. You said THRONE, not thrown. Freudian slip.
The bottom lne of course is if you don't like what he does, why are you still there?

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Yeah stop

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