some wanted to have a child or a family but cannot resist their urge or likeness of the same sex
To maintain an illusion of normalcy. They are in denial.
I'm not really sure of the answer to this question, but I do wonder if the question is really the one you meant to ask. Have you considered the possibility that these men are not gay? Perhaps they are bisexual. I am bisexual myself, though I only recognized this fact about myself within the last two years. And frankly, I wish my wife could have accepted this about me, because I would have very much liked to have remained married to her, and just bring other men into our sex life, both for her pleasure and for mine. While I do enjoy sex with men, I am NOT gay! Most people do NOT understand bisexuality, and they think that if a man enjoys sexual activity with other men, then they are gay. But believe me, desiring sexual contact with men does not necessarily mean that a man does not still desire sexual contact with women as well. I have found that joining in a sexual tryst with a loving couple can be a very pleasurable and rewarding experience! So realize, the sexuality of men (and women too) is not a purely black-and-white issue, of "gay" vs. "straight", but there is a wide spectrum of bisexuality, with varying levels of interest in the two sexes. I consider myself to be about 80% heterosexual, because my main sexual interest is still in women... I just also enjoy sexual activities with men! Best of both worlds, you know.
The man hasn't yet realized his sexual orientation in most cases I know of. This is especially true of those having bi-sexual tendencies however latent they may be. Marriage and children place a world of pressure & responsibility on men & most rise to the challenges.However, if there is tension or major disappointments within the marriage especially if sexual pleasures with the wife are diminished or grow stale, then temporary relief outlets are needed and the repressed "bi-" aspects rise to the surface. Many men resent the near total loss of independence coupled with an unsatisfactory sex life and, quite often, are simply ignored or being taken for granted. The wife, blindly, doesn't recognize these danger signals that "something is liable to happen" when these things occur. The man-man relationships require little commitment, are not pressure filled or demanding & can be entirely pleasurable...a much different world than they are experiencing. It's a whole different lifestyle, one that is attractive, fulfilling & much more simple at a far slower pace. A male knowing he is gay, rarely marries a woman. It's the bi-sexuals this question actually pertains to in most cases.
Some wanted a disguise
I am a gay man who married a women. The problem I had was not excepting that I was gay due to being raised in a strick Catholic family. I never wanted them to know which cause me a lot of issue. I was able to surpress the feeling by dating girls who I found attractive and was very loving a caring. I did married a wonderful woman who I though would help keep my feeling for guys under control. For the first 12 years of our marriage it was great. The love, attention, and three sons later that was felt from her I thought would be enough. Everything was fine until 2 years after my youngest son was born. All her love and attention was turn toward the kids and away from me. On my side I had a job that required me to work 7 days a week which put us in a place of not giving each other the attention that we both deserved. This went on for 8 years and to a point where my desires for men were stronger than ever. I continue to do my best in fight these urges and couldn't understand why I had them when I had everything any man could dream of. I finally excepted I was gay after seeking help through therapist, and question many gay, straight and bi men on there sexual felling through the help of my therapist. I have now excepted that I am gay but it not comforting know what this will do to my family. My wife and kids do not deserve this but most of my life I have fought these felling and have been miserable dealing with them. I recently told my wife, kids and family of these feeling which they seem excepting of it. They want me to stay around and continue my life as is. I am trying my best but I will never be truely happy until I move on. I want my family to except me fully which I dont think that will happen and I also want to be here for them for the support i can give them to deal with this. We live in a small community which thrives on gossip which will make for a hard living enviroment for them and myself. I am not sure where this will end but the bottom line is I want to be happy with who I am and I want my family to be happy and move on and be happy the rest of there lives. For all the guys who are out there follow your feelings and except who you are. In my discison to try and hide these feeling I have hurt many people who I truely love. To those who raised kids remember to let them be who there are and support them in it. You do not have to be excepting of there desisions but you must show them the love and care that will help them live a happier and excepting life which will make you happy.
now u havese do u told ur family what else do u want
u know u r ina far better position than people are.dont get hyperexcited about ur newly discovered sexuality..just be with ur family as they r now ur responsibility,at this stage u cannot leave them as u r now RESPONSIBLE.
and about being gay u can continue having sex wid men ofcourse widout the knowledge of ur wife..common move on..u cant be selfish and leave ur family just because u have discoved ur sexuality now,its not their fault..
I am a bisexually oriented male. I don't believe I am heterosexual because I am attracted to men. I don't believe I am homosexual because I am attracted to women. For me it isn't about being with a man versus being with a woman it is about the person. I fell in love with my wife not because she is a woman. I would have fallen in love with her had she been a man. I simply fell in love with her person and it's attachments. I don't know why some gay men marry women and then have affairs with men on the side. I've never done that, though I've experienced homosexual as well as heterosexual attractions towards others since marriage. I don't feel guilty about that. I'm married, not dead (hehehe). Perhaps there is a part of them that is still unresolved in which case they shouldn't have gotten married until they resolved that issue. I told my wife how I felt within the first month of our dating. I've been honest about it from the start and I've never cheated regardless of which sex I'm with. Marriage requires discipline. It's not everyone's cup of tea.
to fit in the straight world