She is toying with you. She is not interested, but she likes that you are interested and it makes her feel important, wanted and validated that if you keep trying. She wants to string you along. You need to let it go, be friendly, but let it go. If she asks again, I want you to say "I figure if you want to hang out with me, you can ask me."<br />
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You know how Dan Savage has his thing about how "It Gets Better" for young gay people? Well, this philosopy works for straight people, too.<br />
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It gets better, my friend. Honest.<br />
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You can be friendly to this young lady, but stop fawning after her, and stop trying for a date. Ok? Even the nice guys have to learn to toughen up a little bit and be a little hard to get yourself.<br />
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As you grow older, and as the women in your life mature, you will find that your skills improve greatly. You will be able to spot when a woman is interested, and the women will become more sure of what they want, too. Relax, just go with it, and try to pursue women who are interested in you, let THEM pursue you a little bit, and stop pursuing the ones who just want to use you to make themselves feel better.

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Well I thought she was interested the first time and so figured I'd ask. I've messed up chances before by not making a move. Then I saw more signs that she was interested again only more obviously (seeking me out at work, inviting me to small parties of like 5-10 people, holding my gaze longer, generally flirting more), but when I got the same response I backed off. Only to get my head bitten off.

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Yeah. I know it is hard. I think you sound like a good guy. Things will work out for you. Try not to try so hard. ;)

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Truth be told I've been 'not trying' for about a year and it's got me nowhere (aforementioned missed chances included). I guess it's about finding the balance between making opportunities and trying too hard. Oh well, life goes on.

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Not trying so hard is not the same thing as not trying. You are correct, it isnt the same thing.
I think at the root of this is confidence, and also a little bit of psychology. Reverse psychology works best with younger women. I hesitate to elaborate a whole lot more without knowing you and whether or not you will get carried away...
If a young woman smells need on you, it just turns them away. If you are confident and laid back, and not needy, they are attracted to this. Look inward, young Jedi, look innnnnnward....

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1 More Response

NEXT!!!!!

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If it's the same girl maybe she forgot to take her meds the first time around :P

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I would never talk to this succubus ever again/

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We don't all do it, it's not you it's her :-) <br />
Find someone saner!

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Is this the same girl?

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yep, though a few weeks in between.

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It's not you...lol it's her...seriously. Find someone who is worth your time.

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She's not interested. Time for you to move on and find someone who is.

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wow there's a mental game if i've ever seen one

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It's a game and I don't even call them or wait for them to call me unless it's a real deal I just go out and sooner or later, I'll meet another one that wont play games. Settle for nothing less than!!!<br />
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S.W.

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Because they are girls. There game. There rules. And they can change the rules anytime they want. <br />
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My not-necessarily-good-advice is, keep pursuing until you get an attitude of NO. Not the words or evasion. The attitude you got when she said, "Look, I have revision..." Women like to be pursued. They like to know you want them. If she really wasn't interested in you, she would give you the cold shoulder when you walk up to her. <br />
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The most healthy way to address it, is to talk to her about the mixed messages she is giving you. It will bring you closer and reduce the misunderstandings. Good luck.

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