PART I: I agree. I believe kids these days have no clue what gems they have in their parents who actually care about them and who are there for them. I raised 4 children from age 22 to 29 and now they are all turning on me. I believe I did TOO MUCH for them. I have been there for them even when they acted mean towards me and lied to me. One of my daughters is so super nice when she needs money or something from me and the moment she gets what she wants she turns right back to her old super attitudious self! One of my sons is seriously verbally abusive to me and I have had to leave him alone several times already. My other son is with a woman who is hell bent on not coming around and making my son visit her family all the time but she does not ever come to our home. He allows this. He also allows her to tell lies on our family and stands with her. My kids blame me even when they start arguments. They blame me for everything. They accuse me of doing things I know I do not do like saying I meddle when I have a full life of my own. I run my own business so I have no time to meddle. But I get accused anyway. They are all selfish and hateful at times and I am so tired of it. I was not perfect but I raised my kids practically alone. They never went without anything they needed including tons of hugs. I have no savings now because I made sure they lacked for nothing. I worked and then they spent time with me. I never hung in the street. I was very involved in their lives, fun, entertained their friends and was there for them in every way. Sure we had problems but who doesn't. They have all attended great colleges because of my efforts and motivation. Yet they rarely ever do anything for me and I know they have money. Now that I am going thru health issues and need help around my home, they are no where to be found. The only one that wanted to help had ulterior motives for helping. I said all this to say that I do not believe that kids grow up to be ***** because parents do things wrong. You can do all the right things and still have kids that are selfish and hateful and mean and who treat you like crap. I believe that we as parents need to start taking some of the control back. We need to build our own lives away from our children BEFORE THEY ALL LEAVE HOME so we are prepared. And we need to make our personal boundaries known and if our children cannot respect those boundaries and respect us as a whole then we need to only allow them around if they can respect us. And we parents need to stop giving money and time and energy to children who do not treat us right! I am certainly guilty of this. WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN HOW TO TREAT US.
I'm going through the same things with my children. I hate to say this but there are a lot of kids who grow up like this. Selfish users, and my son is rude to me and ALWAYS mean unless he wants some money etc. You're right we have to cut them off, I have no communication with 2 of mine and now I'll cut the last 2 off.
I'm so glad I'm not on my own. Like many bloggers before me, I raised my kids on my own and thought I created a safe, stable, secure and loving home life. I played with my kids, we had fun and I made sure there where birthday parties and Christmas presents, despite of the financial hardship. I though I was blessed being a mother.But now my 27 year daughter won't have anything to do with me and blames me for things that I haven't done. My son is better, but I have had to live with him due to temporary unemployment issue and I have cried constantly as I feel like a bad smell in his house. I'm desperate to find work so I can be independent and move out. I wish I never had kids. They have no idea how hurtful they are.
I wish I knew. My story would be the same as the one Posted by Comprehensive2 Aug 15th, 2011 at 12:57AM, below, except I haven't disowned them. I love all 4 of them. (3 sons, one daughter)I raised them without any kind of support from their father. I worked and tried to give them as good a life as I could. Always tried to be there for them when they needed me. I seldom had money to give or lend, but did when I had it. They always had a home to come to, free babysitter any time. Now that their step-dad, who always welcomed them and helped me with the grandkids passed away and I have a need, no one is there for me.<br />
I don't understand and I don't know what to do.
I am so confused, a 24 year old. and 20 year old I raised alone, did and gave them alot, I wanted them to have nothing less than I did.they never suffered or went hungry, I was a fun dedicated, Mom. The smartest thing I did, made them get jobs at 15. now they treat me so disrepectfully it sickens and hurts me so. I dont get it what the hell is wrong with this generation?
Because they are UNGRATEFUL, SELFISH, UNAPPRECIATIVE, MISGUIDED, DELUSIONAL JERKS and I disowned the things that I gave birth to because of how they have treated me for years AND DIDN'T ACKNOWLEDGE ME UNTIL THEY NEEDED SOMETHING FROM ME USUALLY M ONEY OR A PLACE TO LIVE OR A FREE BABY SITTER and I never turned them away which is a STUPID thing that I did.
Don't be angry at yourself, you did what a loving parent usually does! But what you should do to gain their respect is to say no from now on. Reward only the ones who appreciate and return the favor.
You are so right, I couldn't have said It better. my kids have done the same to me. Thanks
My kids treat me ok.They are respectful,friendly,they are there if I need them.I would never take any crap from anyone let alone my grown kids.
Because they don't love themselves. And they have not learned that life is all about relationships and everything else is fluff.
Sometimes it could be the fact that the parents treated them like crap during their childhood. Maybe there were favoritism amongst the children and they were the black sheep. It doesn't matter that the parents fed and clothed them. It's how they were treated. If the parents constantly said mean things to them or even tried to kill them and not their siblings. It's not because the children are ungrateful as the other answers say. Look at this at another perspective. Parents can be cruel to the children just as children are to the parents. It just depends on the sitituation. And they treat parents like crap because they want them to feel all the crap that they had to go through
No, that is not it. I had band 'put downs' and negative statements in the home and was accepting and encouraging for my kids to be true to themselves, but now as adults they are horrible to me. If I was abusive to my kids I could understand it, but I wasn't. I made sure they had a fun care free childhood, and they did. I though after the difficult adolescence, that they would emerge as lovely young adults. My son sort of did, but my daughter is still acting like a 13 year old at 27. I get really upset and hurt by it all, but find impossible to be deliberately hurtful to them.
Because some parents let them get away with it.
I heard the best piece of advice on raising my children when my fifth grade daughter came home from school one day. In her book bag was a piece of literature from the school councelor's office. it read... Give your children everything they need and little of what they want. I believe that if children feel secure, they will learn compassion. If they feel privileged, they will learn arrogance. And of course... When they become parents themselves.... They will understand what sacrifices you made. How to undue a sense of priviledge? I think a straight and forward bearing of your heart is all you can really do.
my son for another union treats my husband and myself like we are dirt at times. We have given him so many chances to get the sh..t together and grow up to be the man he should be, my son is 24yrs old. today it happened again, I feel like we are on the wrong side of the fence. What can I do to convience my son to move out and start his life, I know this has alot to do with his anger. He is throwing it in a bad direction...at us
I raised my daughter by my self completely. Her dad never paid child support or backed me up on her discipline that I gave her. He is the light of her life now. It was nice when he stayed out of her life. He still drinks and smokes pot, but he said since he got off the drugs he is a better man. He is such a low life that uses my daughter fro money. She does not see it. He never ever helped me at all, now he is the sunshine for her. She treats me like **** on the bottom of a shoe. I do not understand how she can be this way. Why? I hurt so much that it is hard to have feelings for her. I cannot look at a picture of her anymore because of the way she treats me. Maybe it is a good thing she will not see me
Until I can across this blog I thought I was the only mother who's turned out horrible. My daughter is not on drug, at least as far as I know. may be she is. I would know because she won't have anything to do with me. Like you I was a devoted mother and did everything possible as a single mother to provide a loving and stable home life. They have no idea how hurtful they are to us. I use to think that she was a blessing in my life, and now I wish i didn't have her because of her hurtful behaviour.
I really do know what you mean I am 60 and my kids do not respect me, well I have one(my son 38) but the two girls are another story. I raised them by myself. Their dad would spoil them and would go over my discipline and gave them what they wanted. I have one that will not speak to me(34) because she thinks I said something bad about her husband and I did not. The other I moved in with and when her lease was to be over she agreed to let me to take over and she was going to move out in a couple of months. I told the landlord at the time of her dicision. Now she wants to change that and be still on it(it disolved a few months ago) and wants to kick me out. Well, I am in poor health and I cannot do that. The landlord has told me his feelings and rather have me have it or he is going to sell it.
It's normal and natural! Really! :)<br />
Well, not always the part about crappy. My son, who is 17 years old, treats me with respect although he tends to put down most of what I tell him that is factual. He can't see how experienced and knowledgeable I am. He sees only what he wants to see and thinks that he knows everything about everything.<br />
Anyway, what's happening is that as a teenager approaches maturity, they become ready to live out on their own and deal with the real world. They've been devolping their own opinions about everything since a young age and now they know just enough to be dangerous, not literally of course. It's normal that their opinions about how to handle life's situations will clash with their parents' opinions. It's this very stage that causes parents to throw their kids out on their bums to live life however they want to.<br />
After they leave home, they should become mellow and have more respect for their parents. If not then something's wrong. Maybe it's due to a lack of limits during their childhood that made them lose respect for you. It's worth talking to them about if they still treat you like crap after they've grown up and moved out.
I'm sure its their false sense of entitlement, and perhaps lack of self love, and respect<br />
to their parents...
Learning to separate them selves for a life on their own.
Little children believe their parents know everything and can't be wrong. Then they grow up and realize they don't know everything and are often wrong. so they take them off that pedestal kids keep their parents on.
I am having problems with my 28 year old son. I raised him to be respectful and to appreciate what you have. I've been living with him in his house for almost 3 years. I keep the house clean and take care of his 4 yr old daughter. When she is sick I'm the one who takes care of her in spite of the fact that I could become ill plus I am disabled. I'm not perfect, I am a smoker but it seems like when the baby is suffering with a cold it's all because I smoke. He and his girlfriend work in an environment where they are in second hand smoke and his dad smokes. His dad is a boarder here as well. We haven't been together for well over 20 years but we get along and he is on my side with this. My grandaughter is a picky eater and she's tiny like me and my son. Him and his girlfriend stuff her full of food until she vomits but he tells me to shut up when I tell him he's causing her to lose any nutrients from the food if she vomits. He's also gone as far as hiding her nebulizer from me because he says I don't care about her since I won't quit smoking. I smoke outside, wash my hands after I smoke and I put my smoking clothes in a plastic bag. He's always saying things to hurt me, I'm expecting a settlement soon and I'll be getting a car and my own place. Even though he's hurting me he doesn't want to listen to the fact that the main one he's hurting is the little girl, can someone please give me some guidance?
I'd also like to add to my post that there were times I'd go hungry so there would be enough for my son to eat. Also the reason I'm living with him is because he needed me to clean house, cook, take care of my grand daughter and help pay the bills. She loves me dearly and always comes running to me if she hurts herself or needs comfort. I treated my son the same way I do the little one so he got lots of love from me. I hate to leave my grand daughter but I have to think of myself for once. My son and his girlfriend work but they treat the little one like she is in the army. They don't really deserve her but it's better then her being with her mom who is a crackhead.
Ahhh - so happy to have found this blog. I am in the same position. I too raised 3 by myself. My view is that they never learned to "give" back to me as I was the only adult in the household. It was always about me giving to them. As for Mothers Day or my birthday - they never saw that I should be honored at least one or two days a year - cuz I could not do that for myself so there was no role model to follow. But as adults now - come on - it is time to make note and give back.<br />
There was also no one to back me up. And after doing the laundry, making money to pay the bills and put food on the table - they would push and push and wear me down. Today I say NO - and so now they tell me I hurt them because I share my opinions ( which are actually truths that I never had the strength to tell them before). They complain that I do not babysit - or continue to applaud them on a daily basis for what they do...Come on. I worked my *** off and retired at 65 - all on my doing. I am tired and need a well deserved break, but because of this - I am the bad guy!<br />
Our grown children are a generation that feels entitled to the best of EVERYTHING. And I am worn out hearing about it! I now call them verbally abusive - because they are.
Because they're stupid. It doesn't have to have Nothing to do with the parent or parents so don't do like I did at first and blame yourself. My kids are not good people. My kids would never sacrifice themselves for a child like I did for them. I'm not perfect and don't claim to be.