PART I: I agree. I believe kids these days have no clue what gems they have in their parents who actually care about them and who are there for them. I raised 4 children from age 22 to 29 and now they are all turning on me. I believe I did TOO MUCH for them. I have been there for them even when they acted mean towards me and lied to me. One of my daughters is so super nice when she needs money or something from me and the moment she gets what she wants she turns right back to her old super attitudious self! One of my sons is seriously verbally abusive to me and I have had to leave him alone several times already. My other son is with a woman who is hell bent on not coming around and making my son visit her family all the time but she does not ever come to our home. He allows this. He also allows her to tell lies on our family and stands with her. My kids blame me even when they start arguments. They blame me for everything. They accuse me of doing things I know I do not do like saying I meddle when I have a full life of my own. I run my own business so I have no time to meddle. But I get accused anyway. They are all selfish and hateful at times and I am so tired of it. I was not perfect but I raised my kids practically alone. They never went without anything they needed including tons of hugs. I have no savings now because I made sure they lacked for nothing. I worked and then they spent time with me. I never hung in the street. I was very involved in their lives, fun, entertained their friends and was there for them in every way. Sure we had problems but who doesn't. They have all attended great colleges because of my efforts and motivation. Yet they rarely ever do anything for me and I know they have money. Now that I am going thru health issues and need help around my home, they are no where to be found. The only one that wanted to help had ulterior motives for helping. I said all this to say that I do not believe that kids grow up to be ***** because parents do things wrong. You can do all the right things and still have kids that are selfish and hateful and mean and who treat you like crap. I believe that we as parents need to start taking some of the control back. We need to build our own lives away from our children BEFORE THEY ALL LEAVE HOME so we are prepared. And we need to make our personal boundaries known and if our children cannot respect those boundaries and respect us as a whole then we need to only allow them around if they can respect us. And we parents need to stop giving money and time and energy to children who do not treat us right! I am certainly guilty of this. WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN HOW TO TREAT US.
I'm so glad I'm not on my own. Like many bloggers before me, I raised my kids on my own and thought I created a safe, stable, secure and loving home life. I played with my kids, we had fun and I made sure there where birthday parties and Christmas presents, despite of the financial hardship. I though I was blessed being a mother.But now my 27 year daughter won't have anything to do with me and blames me for things that I haven't done. My son is better, but I have had to live with him due to temporary unemployment issue and I have cried constantly as I feel like a bad smell in his house. I'm desperate to find work so I can be independent and move out. I wish I never had kids. They have no idea how hurtful they are.
I wish I knew. My story would be the same as the one Posted by Comprehensive2 Aug 15th, 2011 at 12:57AM, below, except I haven't disowned them. I love all 4 of them. (3 sons, one daughter)I raised them without any kind of support from their father. I worked and tried to give them as good a life as I could. Always tried to be there for them when they needed me. I seldom had money to give or lend, but did when I had it. They always had a home to come to, free babysitter any time. Now that their step-dad, who always welcomed them and helped me with the grandkids passed away and I have a need, no one is there for me.
I don't understand and I don't know what to do.
I am so confused, a 24 year old. and 20 year old I raised alone, did and gave them alot, I wanted them to have nothing less than I did.they never suffered or went hungry, I was a fun dedicated, Mom. The smartest thing I did, made them get jobs at 15. now they treat me so disrepectfully it sickens and hurts me so. I dont get it what the hell is wrong with this generation?
Because they are UNGRATEFUL, SELFISH, UNAPPRECIATIVE, MISGUIDED, DELUSIONAL JERKS and I disowned the things that I gave birth to because of how they have treated me for years AND DIDN'T ACKNOWLEDGE ME UNTIL THEY NEEDED SOMETHING FROM ME USUALLY M ONEY OR A PLACE TO LIVE OR A FREE BABY SITTER and I never turned them away which is a STUPID thing that I did.
Don't be angry at yourself, you did what a loving parent usually does! But what you should do to gain their respect is to say no from now on. Reward only the ones who appreciate and return the favor.
My kids treat me ok.They are respectful,friendly,they are there if I need them.I would never take any crap from anyone let alone my grown kids.
Because they don't love themselves. And they have not learned that life is all about relationships and everything else is fluff.
Sometimes it could be the fact that the parents treated them like crap during their childhood. Maybe there were favoritism amongst the children and they were the black sheep. It doesn't matter that the parents fed and clothed them. It's how they were treated. If the parents constantly said mean things to them or even tried to kill them and not their siblings. It's not because the children are ungrateful as the other answers say. Look at this at another perspective. Parents can be cruel to the children just as children are to the parents. It just depends on the sitituation. And they treat parents like crap because they want them to feel all the crap that they had to go through
No, that is not it. I had band 'put downs' and negative statements in the home and was accepting and encouraging for my kids to be true to themselves, but now as adults they are horrible to me. If I was abusive to my kids I could understand it, but I wasn't. I made sure they had a fun care free childhood, and they did. I though after the difficult adolescence, that they would emerge as lovely young adults. My son sort of did, but my daughter is still acting like a 13 year old at 27. I get really upset and hurt by it all, but find impossible to be deliberately hurtful to them.
Because some parents let them get away with it.
I heard the best piece of advice on raising my children when my fifth grade daughter came home from school one day. In her book bag was a piece of literature from the school councelor's office. it read... Give your children everything they need and little of what they want. I believe that if children feel secure, they will learn compassion. If they feel privileged, they will learn arrogance. And of course... When they become parents themselves.... They will understand what sacrifices you made. How to undue a sense of priviledge? I think a straight and forward bearing of your heart is all you can really do.
my son for another union treats my husband and myself like we are dirt at times. We have given him so many chances to get the sh..t together and grow up to be the man he should be, my son is 24yrs old. today it happened again, I feel like we are on the wrong side of the fence. What can I do to convience my son to move out and start his life, I know this has alot to do with his anger. He is throwing it in a bad direction...at us
I raised my daughter by my self completely. Her dad never paid child support or backed me up on her discipline that I gave her. He is the light of her life now. It was nice when he stayed out of her life. He still drinks and smokes pot, but he said since he got off the drugs he is a better man. He is such a low life that uses my daughter fro money. She does not see it. He never ever helped me at all, now he is the sunshine for her. She treats me like **** on the bottom of a shoe. I do not understand how she can be this way. Why? I hurt so much that it is hard to have feelings for her. I cannot look at a picture of her anymore because of the way she treats me. Maybe it is a good thing she will not see me
Until I can across this blog I thought I was the only mother who's turned out horrible. My daughter is not on drug, at least as far as I know. may be she is. I would know because she won't have anything to do with me. Like you I was a devoted mother and did everything possible as a single mother to provide a loving and stable home life. They have no idea how hurtful they are to us. I use to think that she was a blessing in my life, and now I wish i didn't have her because of her hurtful behaviour.
I really do know what you mean I am 60 and my kids do not respect me, well I have one(my son 38) but the two girls are another story. I raised them by myself. Their dad would spoil them and would go over my discipline and gave them what they wanted. I have one that will not speak to me(34) because she thinks I said something bad about her husband and I did not. The other I moved in with and when her lease was to be over she agreed to let me to take over and she was going to move out in a couple of months. I told the landlord at the time of her dicision. Now she wants to change that and be still on it(it disolved a few months ago) and wants to kick me out. Well, I am in poor health and I cannot do that. The landlord has told me his feelings and rather have me have it or he is going to sell it.
It's normal and natural! Really! :)
Well, not always the part about crappy. My son, who is 17 years old, treats me with respect although he tends to put down most of what I tell him that is factual. He can't see how experienced and knowledgeable I am. He sees only what he wants to see and thinks that he knows everything about everything.
Anyway, what's happening is that as a teenager approaches maturity, they become ready to live out on their own and deal with the real world. They've been devolping their own opinions about everything since a young age and now they know just enough to be dangerous, not literally of course. It's normal that their opinions about how to handle life's situations will clash with their parents' opinions. It's this very stage that causes parents to throw their kids out on their bums to live life however they want to.
After they leave home, they should become mellow and have more respect for their parents. If not then something's wrong. Maybe it's due to a lack of limits during their childhood that made them lose respect for you. It's worth talking to them about if they still treat you like crap after they've grown up and moved out.
I'm sure its their false sense of entitlement, and perhaps lack of self love, and respect
to their parents...
Learning to separate them selves for a life on their own.
Little children believe their parents know everything and can't be wrong. Then they grow up and realize they don't know everything and are often wrong. so they take them off that pedestal kids keep their parents on.
My husband and I raised 4 kids (3 girls and 1 boy). It was tough sometimes financially while raising them, but they NEVER went without, my husband and I did. We always made sure to give them what they needed and just a few of what they wanted. I was a firm believer that you shouldn't give kids everything they want, as life doesn't just hand you stuff. My older two are having a more difficult time with life and my younger two have seemed to flourish. We loved them all equally and bent over backwards to be good parents with lots of laughter and love. As of now, I am raising my oldest child's three children, she is 28 and doing god only knows what. It started off as us offering so she could get her life together and now its full time. One daughter was joined the army and is now married with a child treats her inlaws better than she does us. At first my husband didn't see this but now he does, as well as our youngest too. My youngest asks us to babysit her lil one all the time, but I asked her to watch these three twice a month so her dad and I could get out for a bit and she said No. So I tell her I will not watch her's then, but she uses her daughter against me :( I love that lil girl ohhh so much. I am just hurt and angry that after all we sacrificed, that our kids could be so hateful.. when they were not raised to be that way.. I just feel like moving with the 3 we have now and move on.. if they call they call, if not, so be it. But my heart totally breaks at the thought of doing so :(
I have come to the conclusion that the real reason we reach a stage in our lives, as parents, and feel our kids are unappreciative and ungrateful, is we have taught them they don't need to be!! I have recently realised that I have spent the past 20 years doing everything possible to make my 3 kids happy, teaching them how important their happiness is to me and how that comes FIRST to everything in my life (and their Dad's.). Now I realise, actually what I taught them is that we, their Parents, come SECOND, Second to everything else in their lives because our thoughts and feelings don't matter just as long as they're happy! Ironic, but sadly true; or so it feels anyway!!
I sure wish I had the answer. Not all of my children treat me like crap. Just my son. He breastfed until he was 26 months old, he slept in my bed (because he would scream for me all night until he would vomit) until he was 5, then he slept on the floor of my bedroom until he was 10 because he hated his grandmother (she lived with us and was very mean to him) and was afraid of he.
He was spoiled rotten. He had everything he could possibly want including so much love. He was the cuddliest little guy until he was introduced to the tools in the garage. He wanted to cuddle with me, but his father said, "he is a boy. Leave him alone!" His father treated his mother the same way my son treats me. It hurts me to my core. I have cried enough tears to fill the ocean. I have asked him over and over what I ever did to deserve his hate. He won't return any calls, no messages on FaceBook and never answered text when I had it. He is also the father to my beautiful granddaughter and I have another on the way next month. His wife hates it when he treats her the same way he treats me, yet she has no respect for me either and will even use the children as a weapon against me as she knows that is my ultimate weak spot.
My two daughters treat me well. They tell me they love me and check on me as well.
I want my old son back...