PART I: I agree. I believe kids these days have no clue what gems they have in their parents who actually care about them and who are there for them. I raised 4 children from age 22 to 29 and now they are all turning on me. I believe I did TOO MUCH for them. I have been there for them even when they acted mean towards me and lied to me. One of my daughters is so super nice when she needs money or something from me and the moment she gets what she wants she turns right back to her old super attitudious self! One of my sons is seriously verbally abusive to me and I have had to leave him alone several times already. My other son is with a woman who is hell bent on not coming around and making my son visit her family all the time but she does not ever come to our home. He allows this. He also allows her to tell lies on our family and stands with her. My kids blame me even when they start arguments. They blame me for everything. They accuse me of doing things I know I do not do like saying I meddle when I have a full life of my own. I run my own business so I have no time to meddle. But I get accused anyway. They are all selfish and hateful at times and I am so tired of it. I was not perfect but I raised my kids practically alone. They never went without anything they needed including tons of hugs. I have no savings now because I made sure they lacked for nothing. I worked and then they spent time with me. I never hung in the street. I was very involved in their lives, fun, entertained their friends and was there for them in every way. Sure we had problems but who doesn't. They have all attended great colleges because of my efforts and motivation. Yet they rarely ever do anything for me and I know they have money. Now that I am going thru health issues and need help around my home, they are no where to be found. The only one that wanted to help had ulterior motives for helping. I said all this to say that I do not believe that kids grow up to be ***** because parents do things wrong. You can do all the right things and still have kids that are selfish and hateful and mean and who treat you like crap. I believe that we as parents need to start taking some of the control back. We need to build our own lives away from our children BEFORE THEY ALL LEAVE HOME so we are prepared. And we need to make our personal boundaries known and if our children cannot respect those boundaries and respect us as a whole then we need to only allow them around if they can respect us. And we parents need to stop giving money and time and energy to children who do not treat us right! I am certainly guilty of this. WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN HOW TO TREAT US.
I'm going through the same things with my children. I hate to say this but there are a lot of kids who grow up like this. Selfish users, and my son is rude to me and ALWAYS mean unless he wants some money etc. You're right we have to cut them off, I have no communication with 2 of mine and now I'll cut the last 2 off.
Been there going thru it..worked and gave them everything possible,then 1 gets married and turns to her mil..usually its the other way,but her husband is so far up his mothers ***,i cant get in. I was asked to leave one nite where they could take his nephew to a toy store,that hurt my feelings so bad.And to think i put my kids wants before my own needs.Getting asked to leave was like the straw that broke,I cried all the way home.And she never said a word.except,we had these plans and you just barged up in here,with a housewarming gift.call me stupid parent of the year
I only have one that is 17 but I could have written pretty much most of what you wrote. I don't know what the future holds but somehow I hope it becomes positive.
I'm so glad I'm not on my own. Like many bloggers before me, I raised my kids on my own and thought I created a safe, stable, secure and loving home life. I played with my kids, we had fun and I made sure there where birthday parties and Christmas presents, despite of the financial hardship. I though I was blessed being a mother.But now my 27 year daughter won't have anything to do with me and blames me for things that I haven't done. My son is better, but I have had to live with him due to temporary unemployment issue and I have cried constantly as I feel like a bad smell in his house. I'm desperate to find work so I can be independent and move out. I wish I never had kids. They have no idea how hurtful they are.
Because they are UNGRATEFUL, SELFISH, UNAPPRECIATIVE, MISGUIDED, DELUSIONAL JERKS and I disowned the things that I gave birth to because of how they have treated me for years AND DIDN'T ACKNOWLEDGE ME UNTIL THEY NEEDED SOMETHING FROM ME USUALLY M ONEY OR A PLACE TO LIVE OR A FREE BABY SITTER and I never turned them away which is a STUPID thing that I did.
Don't be angry at yourself, you did what a loving parent usually does! But what you should do to gain their respect is to say no from now on. Reward only the ones who appreciate and return the favor.
You are so right, I couldn't have said It better. my kids have done the same to me. Thanks
I wish I knew. My story would be the same as the one Posted by Comprehensive2 Aug 15th, 2011 at 12:57AM, below, except I haven't disowned them. I love all 4 of them. (3 sons, one daughter)I raised them without any kind of support from their father. I worked and tried to give them as good a life as I could. Always tried to be there for them when they needed me. I seldom had money to give or lend, but did when I had it. They always had a home to come to, free babysitter any time. Now that their step-dad, who always welcomed them and helped me with the grandkids passed away and I have a need, no one is there for me.<br />
I don't understand and I don't know what to do.
I am so confused, a 24 year old. and 20 year old I raised alone, did and gave them alot, I wanted them to have nothing less than I did.they never suffered or went hungry, I was a fun dedicated, Mom. The smartest thing I did, made them get jobs at 15. now they treat me so disrepectfully it sickens and hurts me so. I dont get it what the hell is wrong with this generation?
My kids treat me ok.They are respectful,friendly,they are there if I need them.I would never take any crap from anyone let alone my grown kids.
Because they don't love themselves. And they have not learned that life is all about relationships and everything else is fluff.
I have come to the conclusion that the real reason we reach a stage in our lives, as parents, and feel our kids are unappreciative and ungrateful, is we have taught them they don't need to be!! I have recently realised that I have spent the past 20 years doing everything possible to make my 3 kids happy, teaching them how important their happiness is to me and how that comes FIRST to everything in my life (and their Dad's.). Now I realise, actually what I taught them is that we, their Parents, come SECOND, Second to everything else in their lives because our thoughts and feelings don't matter just as long as they're happy! Ironic, but sadly true; or so it feels anyway!!
How true. I too have taught my son I come second... no more, I'm changing this before it's too late if it's not already.
You're right about that. I'm afraid I've made the same mistake, and I'm paying for it with multiple occasions ruined by hurt feelings (MY hurt feelings).
Sometimes it could be the fact that the parents treated them like crap during their childhood. Maybe there were favoritism amongst the children and they were the black sheep. It doesn't matter that the parents fed and clothed them. It's how they were treated. If the parents constantly said mean things to them or even tried to kill them and not their siblings. It's not because the children are ungrateful as the other answers say. Look at this at another perspective. Parents can be cruel to the children just as children are to the parents. It just depends on the sitituation. And they treat parents like crap because they want them to feel all the crap that they had to go through
No, that is not it. I had band 'put downs' and negative statements in the home and was accepting and encouraging for my kids to be true to themselves, but now as adults they are horrible to me. If I was abusive to my kids I could understand it, but I wasn't. I made sure they had a fun care free childhood, and they did. I though after the difficult adolescence, that they would emerge as lovely young adults. My son sort of did, but my daughter is still acting like a 13 year old at 27. I get really upset and hurt by it all, but find impossible to be deliberately hurtful to them.
I raised my daughter by my self completely. Her dad never paid child support or backed me up on her discipline that I gave her. He is the light of her life now. It was nice when he stayed out of her life. He still drinks and smokes pot, but he said since he got off the drugs he is a better man. He is such a low life that uses my daughter fro money. She does not see it. He never ever helped me at all, now he is the sunshine for her. She treats me like **** on the bottom of a shoe. I do not understand how she can be this way. Why? I hurt so much that it is hard to have feelings for her. I cannot look at a picture of her anymore because of the way she treats me. Maybe it is a good thing she will not see me
Until I can across this blog I thought I was the only mother who's turned out horrible. My daughter is not on drug, at least as far as I know. may be she is. I would know because she won't have anything to do with me. Like you I was a devoted mother and did everything possible as a single mother to provide a loving and stable home life. They have no idea how hurtful they are to us. I use to think that she was a blessing in my life, and now I wish i didn't have her because of her hurtful behaviour.
Because some parents let them get away with it.
I was a single parent of one son and his dad didn't help at all or see him. I always put my son first and still do. He's married and I have two grandchildren that I adore. But my son and daughter in law treat me like garbage. I have loaned them money that I never will see and put me in debt. I struggled financially and they still didn't offer to pay me back. If I don't do things or behave the way they want, they shut me out and I don't get to see my grandchildren. I got so depressed that I have been suicidal. I had a seizure and ended up in the hospital and my daughter in law throws in my face that my son had to miss a snowboarding trip cause I was in the hospital. I ended up in the hospital after taking a bunch of pills and they walked away cause I was disrupting their lives. I don't get it and am heartbroken. Any one that knows me says I am kind and caring and would do anything for anyone. Why is my son like this. I'm broken.
OMG my sons tell me it is me. Manipulate. I ask why don't you call and not text...That is what we do today. They don't realize that it not communication. It is good for business but not to speak to your parents or people in your life that care and worry about you. I could write a book of how I bailed out my kids and when it comes down to it I am ALONE...They run for friends faster. They say when you respect me I will respect you. Do I need to jump from a bridge? Abusive, rude and out of touch with the real world. The law says we should discipline out kids yet if we do we can get arrested. My parents disciplined me and I appreciate what I get. Today they think spend, spend, spend or you don't love me. Even my grandchildren have been taught that the more the better. What ever happened to spending time learning how to craft by hand and I don't mean on the tablet or computer. Technology is destroying so much. Facebook with relationships which we can't blame Facebook but the people that use them. Kids today do not manage there time. Everything is NOW.. I WANT IT NOW!! Seems like as I get older I live in dream land thinking they would take care of me.. Who am I kiddin...ME TAKES CARE OF ME. I have spent many holidays and birthdays alone. Thank goodness I love me to move on. It is hard but it is better than watching the drama and pain.
So I say this as someone one said to me. "Isn't it better to choose to be alone then they choose it for us"
I'm the 24 year daughter of a still married couple. They are dysfunctional, but open minded. I have no children, but all through my life I have witnessed and observed (young and adult) children heartlessly disrespecting their parents. I wasn't the fondest of my parents growing up, but I would never intentionally hurt them or disrespect them. My parent's were respectful of others and welcomed everyone with open arms. They set boundaries for me, but did not always unify to stop me from crossing boundaries. That is where I began to lose respect for them and break boundaries. They never made me feel anymore unique than anyone else. They always made sure to let me suffer the consequences of my actions. This was vital. Here are my observations: Children learn respect by observing others act in respectable manners towards members of their family. Everything your child is exposed to effects your child in someway. Do you believe you deserve respect from your children because you fulfilled their every need and want? Respect is earned through honest and open communication. It requires boundaries, and discipline. Parent's need to exhibit calm assertiveness and act as a confident leader to their children. Teach your kids to respect your boundaries and earn rewards ba<x>sed on good behavior. We all have personal attachments to our families and children, but in reality we are all the same. Your child is probably no different from anyone elses, unless you have a child with a mental handicap or disability. I think there is hope to mend your broken relationship with your children, but first you must examine yourself. Respect is earned. If you allow your child to walk all over you and get away with things you are not teaching them respect. Of course they will be angry, upset, or hurt by you when you discipline them, but you are making a lasting impression on them. A parent should NEVER tolerate any forms of verbal abuse from their children. You let your kid slip a couple times and you are reinforcing a negative behavior. Also, unity between parents is important. Both parents must instill equal love and discipline on their children and work as a team. For single parents, I believe it is important to have other adults in your child's life who act as positive influences. Don't cater to your child's every need and want. Teach them a concept of self and responsibility. Take your kids to play outside, read to them, talk with them.
You just gave me the courage to go out more often when my son isn't working so I can start enjoying what time I have left. I'm tired of him treating me like crap and I just might tell him that also! Thank you
I heard the best piece of advice on raising my children when my fifth grade daughter came home from school one day. In her book bag was a piece of literature from the school councelor's office. it read... Give your children everything they need and little of what they want. I believe that if children feel secure, they will learn compassion. If they feel privileged, they will learn arrogance. And of course... When they become parents themselves.... They will understand what sacrifices you made. How to undue a sense of priviledge? I think a straight and forward bearing of your heart is all you can really do.
my son for another union treats my husband and myself like we are dirt at times. We have given him so many chances to get the sh..t together and grow up to be the man he should be, my son is 24yrs old. today it happened again, I feel like we are on the wrong side of the fence. What can I do to convience my son to move out and start his life, I know this has alot to do with his anger. He is throwing it in a bad direction...at us
I really do know what you mean I am 60 and my kids do not respect me, well I have one(my son 38) but the two girls are another story. I raised them by myself. Their dad would spoil them and would go over my discipline and gave them what they wanted. I have one that will not speak to me(34) because she thinks I said something bad about her husband and I did not. The other I moved in with and when her lease was to be over she agreed to let me to take over and she was going to move out in a couple of months. I told the landlord at the time of her dicision. Now she wants to change that and be still on it(it disolved a few months ago) and wants to kick me out. Well, I am in poor health and I cannot do that. The landlord has told me his feelings and rather have me have it or he is going to sell it.
It's normal and natural! Really! :)<br />
Well, not always the part about crappy. My son, who is 17 years old, treats me with respect although he tends to put down most of what I tell him that is factual. He can't see how experienced and knowledgeable I am. He sees only what he wants to see and thinks that he knows everything about everything.<br />
Anyway, what's happening is that as a teenager approaches maturity, they become ready to live out on their own and deal with the real world. They've been devolping their own opinions about everything since a young age and now they know just enough to be dangerous, not literally of course. It's normal that their opinions about how to handle life's situations will clash with their parents' opinions. It's this very stage that causes parents to throw their kids out on their bums to live life however they want to.<br />
After they leave home, they should become mellow and have more respect for their parents. If not then something's wrong. Maybe it's due to a lack of limits during their childhood that made them lose respect for you. It's worth talking to them about if they still treat you like crap after they've grown up and moved out.
I'm sure its their false sense of entitlement, and perhaps lack of self love, and respect<br />
to their parents...
Learning to separate them selves for a life on their own.