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ss2012 ss2012 36-40, F 20 Answers Sep 24, 2012 in Struggles

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Beware my friend, It's called the cycle of abuse! You are so caught up in the illness( you can recover) that you believe that he is making you feel things. That is a classic sign of your addiction to the abuse cycle. Please get help now! It will continue ( the abuse). I am sure you grew up with this. This only gets worse and you will never have a healthy relationship with this person, unless both both Both of you get intense therapy, help and undergo major life transformations through work on self. Sometime you were taught that you were not in charge of your decisions, of your own emotions and self. You Can get help and have a great life. Please stay away from this person.

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thnks, i am going to see a counsellor and you are correct in saying this has been a life going issue for me. We have been together for 18 yrs, as well i was sexually abused by 3 men when i was small. I know i can heal, sometime. Its a struggle, but i know i have it inside to move away from all this and lead a healthy life. I really appreciate your comments, i am feeling more courageous. :)

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You are a powerful, capable, beautiful, intelligent woman! I will chat with you and support you anytime, my friend! Xo

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Also, my sister( may I say that?) (please, really hear this!) , just as you have brought abusive people in due to what you were taught, you Can bring in only wonderful, loving, positive relationships as you recreate your new self and life, you can do this. Don't blame yourself, don't beat yourself up. I will give you free advice. Go to Psychology Today and look for Gina Rossi

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Call number or text me on there and I will give you support.

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Recognize that more then you feeling sorry for him, you are probably feeling more about a failed relationship. You have invested in that relationship, you built dreams on it, it is only natural that you are invested and feel guilt. It is the defense mechanism that keeps humans together during hard times. But we must sometimes rise above this guilt to question whether we are truly better off throwing away those investments and moving on.

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I believe that is true definitely, we all have investments and certainly would feel something if we tried so hard to fix things and couldn't. I am trying to fix myself now, i believe thats the most important investments right now. Thanks

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It is how abuse works. Just, and don't feel sorry for him, he never did for you. Hugs, be strong, you'll get there where you want to be.

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ss2012 my abuser did change...but now i can trully say it would have been better for me to meet someone who is genuinely caring and loving person who worships you...even though my guy changed...its not as nice as having to love someone who has never hurt you...who will motivate you to become a better person. who makes u want to do things because you love him dearly. abuse taints a relationship...your free from this...be cautious of the future men you meet and make wise choices for your family...one day prince charming will come...but be patient.

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DO NOT feel bad, DO NOT let him back in your life! Please do this for you!!!

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The physical and mental abusers always think they are innocent! Little boy that always got away with bad behavior, that carried over to adulthood. Show him that he can't get away with it this time and he will be the looser. Maybe hand him a hanky on your way out the door.

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correction = "on "his" way out the door"

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Don't fall for it!! It's all the game they play. If you fall back into it, you will just find yourself in this exact same place in the future. Trust me, he hasn't changed, he's just trying to slime his way back in.

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It's an act. He wants to regain control and knows what buttons to push to make you empathize with him. He sees your kind nature as a weakness he can use to lure you back into his web. Stay away from him. Nothing good will come of listening to his lies.

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abusers always want you to feel like you mortally wounded them, keep moving forward and leave.<br />
Abusers thrive on playing the victim, please please leave think only of yourself.

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Because unless the abusive also had a gentle, endearing aspect to their personality they'd never get themselves into the position to abuse anyone.<br />
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Whatever he's saying now isn't real - it's manipulation to get you back under his control. <br />
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If he really means it, he'll go away, work on his abusive tendencies and come back to you as a fully functioning human being at which point, and NO SOONER, you could take him back.<br />
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Stay strong, honey, talk to us when you're wobbling. Lots of luck.

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Don't allow yourself to be manipulated in any way. I have friends who try to do that sort of thing, and I ignore it until they have something genuine to say.

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Don't feel sorry for him, feel good for yourself that you were smart enough to leave---and stay away.

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h?<br />
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Whatever it is, don't feel bad about it. Abusive is not healthy. Perhaps you love that person, and it's good to love someone especially those who evidently need it the most, like him. But if your personal rights are being violated, then you must learn to move on. Or if not, talk to him about it. Everything can be remedied by a good talk.

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sorry h meant him. I tried somewhat talking, it doesnt help. Its all about him, his feelings, and i truly believe he just misses his life the way it was, where i did everything. Now he has to learn to do adult things for himself. Thnks :)

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I appreciate all you comments so much. It helps greatly. I sometimes just need a push when i doubt myself. Ill stay strong i know, i just got to stop thinking so much and concentrate on me and the kids. Thanks again everyone, really it gives me much more confidence.

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No problem. So you have kids, with him?

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yes, we have 3 children. They are not babies any longer thank the lord so they pretty well can make their own decisions. Sometimes it makes it difficult, i have a no contact order still in place, but i have opened that line of communication just to deal with the children. just since that happened recently, is when he started making me feel sorry for him. i just may cut complete communication again just so i can get stronger emotionally, even though its been 5 months, im still not confident enough. I guess i just gotta stop rushing myself.

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