you wont always feel that way. it really can change how you feel about yourself if you can make some changes to your life. right now youve lost too much of your personal power. its up to you what you want to do. its hard at first but theres a point in your life where you have to take control or someone will take it for you and you might get more lost. what helped me when i was in my 20s and was in and out of mental hospitals due to similar feelings that you describe, was listening to music. i dont know if its music and rhythm itself or the wisdom in a lot of different lyrics but it was helpful. rockyfjord is right saying whether you deserve it or not, youre here so try and make it as good as you can. there are millions of people that would die to be in your shoes. dont give up. you can do it!

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