Resolved Question

Why do I feel so selfish?

I feel like I am a good person. I am a soon-to-be stepmom and, like most women marrying men who are divorced, I absolutely hate the biomom. Shes a horrible, horrible person and is even under investigation for child abuse. We don't have full custody of his son, though, and until we can afford to take her back to court it is a constant struggle to get visitation because she moved very far away. My fiance is miserable a lot missing his son... now here is the problem. Sometimes my hatred for the biomom and the way she still is able to negatively affect my fiance sometimes makes me resent the son. I know thats a horrible, horrible thing to think but sometimes I have to fight the urge to want to place blame on him for existing! Am I just trying to relocate my anger onto him because there is no one to really blame in a situation like this? Has anyone else thought that awful statement "None of this would have happened if you had never happened?"

Well, I've not felt that myself but you are displacing those thoughts and stresses and taking them out on someone, like you said, that's the nearest person....

Unfortunately that happens quite a lot. What would I recommend? Well, have a look at Gestalt therapy. The long and short of it is that you argue your points to an empty chair....visualising the 'other person' there. Then you can sit in that chair and put the reply back (as her)... What you are actually doing is having an internal diaglogue.....talking things through with yourself.

It works...it really does. Obviously you need someplace safe and secure (free from interruptions) if you try yourself. The 'safer' you feel the more 'honest' you will be to yourself....

Of course you can see a counsellor if you can afford it to....

Best of luck hun....

Sammy Jo Duponte xxx