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I just started dating a new guy like 3 weeks ago yet my heart is telling me to run to my ex. I know that he is an ex for a reason but every time i think about him I wanna smile...till i remember that we aren't together anymore. I just don't know what I am suppose to to anymore listen to my head or my heart :/
senior2013 senior2013 18-21, F 14 Answers Jan 17, 2013 in Struggles

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Do you have the rose colored glasses on? IE: just remembering the good things now that you don't have them, and forgetting or minimizing all of the negatives that made you decide to leave in the first place?

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You're feeling the bond or momentum that you created when you spent time with another human being. It's what keeps women in unhealthy abusive relationships, coming back for more. They'll say, 'but I love him'. None of us are all good or all bad, we're a mix. Your ex had some good in him too. And your brain naturally wants to remember those pleasurable feelings especially if you're having some anxiety about your new relationship that hasn't been fully explored yet. It's not really fair to your new boyfriend to compare the happy feelings you had from the good parts of your fully developed former relationship with the just starting out uncertainties of your new relationship but the feelings just come. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. And that's why you have a brain, to sort out your random feelings. Feelings can come for your own protection. Perhaps you are sensing that this new relationship isn't what you really want in a guy. Your subconscious feelings will reach out for the only 'life jacket' it knows; your ex. I've known of adults who've lost children or spouses who gave them nothing but grief. But when that child or that spouse died they somehow forgot all of the trouble and put that loved one on a pedestal and remember only the good. My parents who lived in a retirement community for a time and my mother would laugh when she told the stories of remarried widows who would complain to my parents about their new spouse when he'd leave the room. They elevated their dearly-departed to sainthood and the new man in their life couldn't compete. When my cousin died her parents remembered only the good about her even though she caused them nothing but heartache when she lived. So don't ignore your feelings because they're there to try to help you to know the truth. Intuition is usually right on the money, but when your feelings don't seem to make sense, use your brain to sort out what's best and what should be put aside.

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You're having a stupid attack. Ex's are ex's for a reason. Maybe it's fear of the unknown. Probably not a wise move.

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you still love him, you havent let go yet and you holding on to the memmories of what you shared.

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Give tym to ur new guy..n ur heart mght b comparing dis guy wid ur ex..n dats very common it happens wid every1..with tym ul get over him :)

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I suggest you don't. There are other wonderful people to know. Try to move on :)

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how/

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Meet other people thru common friends

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i have a boyfreind but i still feel the urge to run to my ex

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Why did you break up ?

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we broke up bc he moved to indiana

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why is a question you have to ask yourself, but if youre dating someone and thinking about someone else its a bit unfair, you might want to consider breaking up with your current guy.

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I guess you think you need a little EXtra punishment in your life. Pain has a short memory. we tend to remember the good times. In this case, I would suggest that you follow your head, not your heart

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It's comfort. It's what you knew, just like an old comfortable shoe. Move on. :)

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honestly... I'd go with heart. You never know what your experience will bring you.

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I wonder if it's not more a feeling of comfort and safety more than an actual affection for him..........

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could be that too. It could be you might be wanting the way it was in the past. but things always change. if you know that, and you still want to go back, then I'd say go for it.

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when im away from him it feels like i cant breathe. when we were together we were never apart

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