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My ex whom I've loved for over 4 years has always been my best friend. And I truely love him, but he loves someone else. Or claims too. My daughters father I loved him, but he only loved the drugs. My most recent ex loves me, but I can't stand him. and I love my husband whom cares for me but I truely doubt he truely loves me.
Ashleylpd Ashleylpd 18-21, F 19 Answers Mar 29, 2009

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It's the chase and the desire to MAKE a man crave what he can't have. Once you have him wanting and pining for more, the game is over and the excitement of the kill.... I mean... the chase, is gone and it is time to settle into a boring relationship... Sound familiar?

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What a pickle!



Of course, its because you two are not REALLY compatible. The initial glow of "love" may carry it off for a while; but eventually - soon or late - the truth of the matter becomes apparent.



As far as I know, humans are "programmed" with a certain "picture" of what they really want in a partner - but they are hardly conscious of this - its subconscious. This means that you may get a "good enough" match to trigger the "feelings of love" (or as others have put it, the feelings of "BOINGGG!!") and yet it doesn't quite fit exactly; so it peters out after a while, when that becomes noted by the subconscious.



(I've seen it written that of our total Mind, 1% is conscious, 24% is subconscious, and 75% is unconscious, so there's a lot going on that we're not usually aware of). The unconscious part of our mind is linked with every other human, by the "world-wide mind" or Unified Consciousness Field.



It will depend on your Life-Plan as to whether you are truly destined to find a true match and have a relationship with them or not; and if not, you may want to so strongly that you keep trying. And that is what is happening, in my view. "Better luck next time"; but alas, that is never guaranteed!



If you can get to know and trust your Essential Self - the Being that you really are at your core - THAT will give you a satifying relationship like no other; and you will carry it with you always; it will always be dependable! Then, you do not need "your other half" to make you complete, as every human being has completeness within themselves - but they keep looking outside of themselves for it! And that leads to all sorts of dramas.

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becouse life is evil...

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-- because it makes it a whole lot easier to figure out who "the one" is.

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I have the same issue. I have no interest in men who fall all over me. If I know a man doesn't care for me, however, I will have an intense desire to be with him, to make him love me; but of course this never happens.It has caused me so much real and devastating emotional pain, as I tend to repeat this pattern over and over again. I would say I have some father issues, but I think it comes down to a fear of accepting love. We subconsciously desire the men who are out of reach for precisely that reason; we KNOW there is little chance they will ever really love us and we will never really have to accept that love. We do this over and over again, always giving love to someone who cannot return it, and rejecting love from those who are more than willing to love us. As for me i think i am uncomfortable with men who give me lots of attention and are seeking to love me. This discomfort leads me to reject love and instead go back to the limbo of seeking love through unattainable men, but never quite getting there. We will find love once we are willing and learn to accept it.

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Read/Watch/Google A Midsummer Nights Dream. There's some nice little verse in there about this, mainly between Heleny and Demetrius. It might not give you an answer, but it will let you know that this same question has puzzled women/men for hundreds of years.

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This story is as old as story-telling! We all want what we can't have. Right?



The true question is why. Why do you want what you can't have?



Unfortunately, the range of answers are as wide as they are diverse. Could be realatively simple, are you competitive by nature? Are you on an unrealistic quest for the perfect man? Which by the way there is no such thing, there is only the 'perfect man' for you.



There could also be a much deeper dwelling issue. Are you chasing the father who left you when you were very young? The 1st love you never even confessed your love for out of fear? Abuse by someone who should have been trustworthy, these situations can skew your ideas on love and sex, etc...



My personal recommendation is to seek help if you can't answer within the 1st group of possibilities. Anything that runs any deeper than that will need to be sorted out with far more guidance that I can give by answering this question.

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Usually, when a woman has man problems, it can be tied back to father issues....Now, it's not to blame your dad....it's just that something happened or didn't happen, when you were growing up, that causes you to grow up, looking for that perfect man....or trying to find the love of a man, that you didn't get from your dad.......because dad wasn't there, or was abusive, or was emotionally distant, etc...



I'd say you should speak to a therapist about it....you'd be surprised how much influence our childhood has on our love lives.



Good luck.

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This is normal. One day you will love someone who loves you.

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It all has to do with trust. You love those who do not love you because you think they are out of reach from you and you are trying to prove to yourself that they can love you if they just get to know you. And you don't love those who love you cause you don't trust their intentions and are afraid that you might also fall for them and they might break your heart in the long run. My point is take time and find out for yourself what is missing within you.

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I feel as though sometimes this may have to do with believing you are worthy of the love that is best for you.



If you are repeating a pattern I believe you are on to something. There must be something you are trying to work out if you feel you can only love those who ultimately let you down.

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because of the challenge of "capturing" their love and the reason you don't love ones who do love you is because you have already captured their attention and affection......careful with this as you can spend a lot of time alone and disappointed.....

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its a matter of self rejection. You keep pushing yourself away, thus imprinting it on the people that is around you. Humans are great at not knowing what is going on, and can fel the smallest amount of energy put out there. Its better to smile on a sunny day, rather than when it rains.

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