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livingwithlies livingwithlies 41-45, F 19 Answers Aug 17, 2010

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You know, I've asked my husband this question so many times I can't even count them anymore... we've been married 26 years and he tends to only provide me with half answers, off hand replies, bits and pieces of information and when I discover there was 'more to the story' or he 'left things out' when telling me about something and I ask him about it he does get upset with me.... "well I can't remember everything" or "I didn't think it was that important" or "I didn't think of it at the time." <br />
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I honestly think men are 'wired differently'. They certainly don't take things the same way we do, they think differently about what's important and what's trivial. I think it's that whole... "Men are from Mars..." way of thinking.<br />
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Response to "Is this all my fault?".... NO! After reading the additional information you supplied, I would have to say from my own personal experiences and being married for such a long time, that he likely thought he was 'protecting' you, he wanted to avoid 'upset' or possibly having an argument with you... he may have imagined a confrontational response from you and chose to withhold information to avoid it. <br />
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My husband often thinks withholding things is protecting me. He knows I'm a worrier and I stress out easily, so he will often choose to share what he thinks will be the least stressful information and deals with things he thinks will make me worry on his own.

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Women do this too. It isn't like it is a gender specific thing.

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All men lie. If you think this is a relationship breaker than you will need to find a woman to be with. They find it easy to be brutally honest. Men want to please. They want their woman to be happy. They want to get you off their ***. They want peace and they want sex...and a beer.<br />
They find it easy to lie. They are taught to lie by women. You don't want to hear that that dress makes you *** look big. So we lie. They don't want to hear that your ex was prettier or sex was better with them, so we lie. They don't want to hear that you have the hots for that new girl at work (even though you would never do anything about it) so we lie.<br />
We are TAUGHT to lie. It makes you happy. ALL MEN LIE and most do so every day. If we didn't lie, you would leave us.

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Well I would like to offer a more serious answer than just sexist garble =)<br />
I have experienced in my lifetime that some guys have trouble communicating. <br />
I think girls and guys just communicate differently. Guys and their friends, they don't need to know everything about each other and rightly they just don't care. When the girlfriend starts to pry, it may make a guy uncomfortable. <br />
Of course on the other hand, an ex of mind thinks that he has to lie to his new girlfriends (not at the same time) about the old ones. He keeps telling each girl he's still a virgin when he may not even have been one when he was with me. He thinks that girls care about what he's done with other girls, but we really don't. We only get mad when he lies about it.<br />
Basically guys have trouble with knowing what will bug us and what won't. Some guys are better at Girl Language than others. When a guy is worried something will bug his girlfriend, he figures it won't hurt her if she doesn't know. Ultimately it leads to her either being mad when she finds out, or her thinking it was stupid for him to lie in the first place. <br />
I try to be flexible with this trait in boys. It's like a primal instinct that used to help them but now, not so much. Guys will always think we're complicated and high maintenance, and we will always think they are liars (stereotypically). It doesn't mean we don't love each other any less =)

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How you are as a girlfriend, really determines how he will act.

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Because they are MEN. Its what they do. I can't figure it out either lol. I mean, why lie about stupid little meaningless things? All that does is create mistrust in your partner.

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Thank you for your replies. Do you think it is a relationship breaker? I have read so many articles today having found myself some time to actually think about this - is it really all my fault because of how I react?. It's little things like pretending he hasn't spoken or emailed someone when I know he has. It's like wiring his ex-wife money while she is on holiday with her boyfriend and his kids and then lying when I asked if his ex had asked for money while she was away. It's like an illness. So many little lies which are all perfectly understandable if only he would be honest because by the time I find out it is all so much worse. Half the time I know the answer to a question before I ask it just to find out if he is going to tell the truth - sometimes he does and sometimes he lies....is this all my fault?

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Okay... I know this is a super old post, but this answer really caught my eye. Why can't men understand that when they lie to their their girlfriend or wife about even small and seemingly unimportant things, it creates mistrust in ALL other aspects of the relationship!!

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They suck. But if they are meaningless lies then think in these terms...what did you do to downgrade yourself (look at his e-mails, check his phone...) to know for sure he is lieing. You only do that because he leaves you with questions and what if... if the truth is "he lied about something stupid" leave it be, stop checking up on him and know, men lie about stupid things. Mostly because they want to use as few words as possible to move on to something they are Iinterested in.

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i think men and women need to be real in a relationship. i always got the end of the stick for what someone else put him throw thats not right. some men need to grow up and stop acting like there young when there not. they d ont want people to find out who they really are so they lie to cover up who they really are the true hurts.

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Men and women are all the same. Men lie and women lie truly I believe its both women and men fault that we lie to each other about the most meaningless things, which make us not trust one another. So no matter what you do you will be lied to because of another persons mistakes...

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Sounds like a woman I know

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I don't get what it is you are asking here<br />
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It turns out you are asking about a PERSONAL issue, but you ask why do MEN lie about little things ... Why do MEN deny things. You are speaking of a personal experience here, so why doesn't the question relate to a *personal* experience rather than stating, what you consider to be, a fact?<br />
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Suggestion: If you are going to ask a *personal* question (and to get a response that is right for *YOU*) then why not write the whole darn issue out instead of putting 'men' all in the same boat as those you have been unfortunate to meet and had a problem with?<br />
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Shheesshhh! This isn't a question, it's a bloody declaration ... lol<br />
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~F~

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Because they don't care about those little things..they lie when how little they care shows up, in the end.Defensive behavior.

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To be redundant not just men do this. My feeling on the subject is this...sometimes people feel that the reaction to the lie becomes the focus and not whatever they lied about....so it's a deflection. You have forgiven the lying, so he's comfortable in continuing to do that. Rather than take a chance that you won't forgive whatever he lied about. Make sense?

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I personally don't think it's a man thing, I think it's a people thing. There are people who do this, and they do it as a means to get out of what they see as a difficult situation. They start with one lie, and then lie to cover that lie until eventually they're caught out, they go into self preservation mode and then they try and turn it around so they look like they've been wronged and you're the bad guy.

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They don't..Men are much nicer than that..Maybe you got it wrong??

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Because some men don't ever grow up and some are incapable of communicating properly.

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I have an issue with lying or not answering. Seriously I get what is said here but too many lies just makes me think everything is a lie and I can't and wont deal with that.. my favorite is I don't remember or I don't know. BS. I don't interrogate. I don't expect a blow by blow account of his time. However, when behavior changes and lies increase what else an I supposed to believe other than he's going something even he knows is wrong? Why ruin a relationship over something stupid???

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