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We have a great understanding and are very emotionally compatible. But since recently I've become uncomfortable because one day he confessed that he fantasized a lot about femdom. He says that pain gives him pleasure and he would like to be dominated by a woman-specially sexually. I am very confused. I always thought him very 'manly'-he's intelligent, mature and I respect and rely on him a lot. Does him like femdom mean that he is effeminate? He's rather mild mannered and quiet but I always put that down to maturity. How should I deal with this situation? I really like him, but I can't imagine dominating him. What might be the psychological reasoning behind his fantasies?
Magikal Magikal 22-25, F 10 Answers Jun 7, 2012

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A masculine man is used to being in charge, being responsible, making decisions and being the sexual aggressor. It's nice to be able to put the burden down once in awhile, to be tied up or handcuffed and to be relieved of responsibility. In that situation, the woman shows he is desirable by not only accepting him but demanding sex from him. If she uses a paddle to a crop to order him about she is showing that she is eager to have him. A woman becoming the sexual aggressor is a thrilling role-reversal for both parties and it's a good way to work out a woman's frustrations. Believe me, with the right use of a paddle, you can be pretty sure the toilet seat won't ever be left up again!

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Very good explanations here!

Might I add that guys are taught they NEED to be masculine when they are young-

As we mature we realize that there is NO logical reason we have to play the tough guy 24/7!!

Maturity brings about some Balance& mellowing out in our thinking, & we are just plain tired of playing the same role all the time!

Women have the freedom from a young age to switch back& forth -Masc. to Fem -Weather it's the clothing-Sports-the freedom to switch in dealing with differant people in differant situations-at differant times in fem or masc. ways-Males do not!!

We are supposed to be tough all the time--You try that(24/7) for even 6 months!

You are lucky he cares& trusts you enough to even tell you!

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Your answer gives a good psychological explanation. Could you advice me a bit on how I should get started to feel comfortable with this?

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Femdom has many dimensions. There are some who want to be effeminate and a sissy. But that is only one aspect not shared by all. There is also the worshipful type of Femdom. Where the man looks on the woman as his queen. Think of him as being your knight, body guard, and/or protector.
How do you feel about being in control? Do you believe that by you being in control that he is less masculine and that you are less feminine?

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I really think that mabe that You allready have the answer-
It is within You!
Look at any& ALL reasons that YOU are NOT comfortable with Femdom& the like!
With Sooo many folks--They are not comfortable with something/someone Differant--Because they are afraid of what others might think or say-Thier image seems to be more important than thier love!

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There are many, many possible reasons why he might like what he likes. Just ask him about it and don't be judgmental. If he feels he can speak openly to you, maybe he can help you understand.



I will say that his interests don't have to mean that he's "effeminate". Many men (and women) have both dominant and submissive tendencies sexually.



I, myself, am generally "dominant", but I have a few "submissive" kinks that my girlfriend and I play around with.

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I am 6'2'' 225#. I run 35 miles a week, am entirely in control of every aspect of my world, and am recognized as a leader. I love nothing more than to surrender to my wife as a reminder I willingly gave myself to her. She plays with this in a dominating way, and I enjoy it. Sometimes she returns my gift to me, and says you decide tonight. Sometimes she has her way. She could dress me, mark me, whatever, I would accept it lovingly. She could make it 24/7, and has occasionally taken charge for a weekend or a week. But never does, and at some point surrenders back to me.



And so it goes, the famous exchange of power. When done right, it is no exchange, but a perfect sharing. Go ahead, tie me up honey,

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Your answer is very thought provoking. Is it only your wife who knows about this or also close friends? And do you like being under her control domestically too?

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Yes, only my wife knows. She declares dominance by saying "I'm in charge now, or with a stern command." then I am totally her slave, yes domestically too. She is also subject if I declare being in charge.

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Well every body has different fantasies so you should not blame all men for this

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Men have run the world for eons, solely because they are physically stronger. This is coupled with the fact that women, when pregnant, spend some time being somewhat helpless. The simple fact is that women are at least as intelligent as men. In my own case, totally surrendering to a woman is kind of payback for the years of forced male dominance.

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I am submissive,and my biggest dream is to find a lady to give control to.Yet that is one side of Me.Im also an avid out doors man who spends 70% of his time in the out doors stalking prey with my camera or kayaking and camping along the river.Im the guy you wanna be with if You had to survive out there.I like my beer.Id fight to the death to defend my loved ones. I dont think there is anything feminie about Me.Yet the thought of surrendering all control to a strong lady at the end of the day appeals to Me so strongly that i may die single if I cant find this.

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I think we need to shed the ideas of what's feminine and masculine.

Women for centuries have been trying to shed the pre-conception of what is feminine or lady like. There are no current feminine women if judged by the standards of a hundred years ago.

Its somewhat sexist to assume men can't relenquish control and still be masculine. That a woman cant take the reins and stress and free their partner, if even temporarily. Your holding men to the same pre-conceptions that females fought so hard to shed.

So I guess, I feel, the whole idea of power being masculine and service being feminine only holds as true as how you were raised and how much you need to hold on to those ideals to be comfortable.

sorry so long.

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Have you ever completly surrendered your mind & body to someone

if someone offered you those thing think of the resonsibility involved

the power you have at your control.

it is not just sex it is deeper and more intense if you can imagine that

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