My husband always puts me down he never has anything nice to say about me. We gets unto arguments and he calls me an ugly b!!!! and a gap teeth garden tool. He makes me feel bad about myself. Sometimes I sit up late at night thinking about doing mean things to jim because he have hurt me so bad. He is a church going person and his personality stinks. If this is how Christ said a christian suspose to act I don't want a part of it.
bigbird115 bigbird115 46-50 11 Answers Aug 17, 2010

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I don't think what you are saying has anything to do with men and everything to do with the specific man you married. My wife at times has been the dirtiest fighter in the history of womankind. Think about something nasty a woman could say to a man and she has said it to me.

The problem is the style of fighting he probably learned from his parents.

Does your husband have any redeeming qualities? Do you want to save your marriage or bail on it? If you want to save your marriage then you need to let him know unequivocally what you expect and how you are going to go about getting it, or else you leave him and take him for everything he is worth as an abuser. You may want to consider recording him in action and saving some of the recordings for court. You might also play one or two back at him to show him how he acts in a fight.

The two of you need marriage counseling. Go find someone who shares his faith who is a licensed marriage counselor. Ask his pastor for a referral. Your husband needs to understand how his words hurt you and he needs to learn how to fight constructively.

Do not bother to bring this up in the midst of a fight. Bring this up to him some time when all is quiet and tell him you feel your marriage is at risk but you are willing to do everything reasonable to save it if he is also willing.

If you are not willing and ready to take a stand and give him an ultimatum, then plan either to end your marriage or put up with this for the rest of your life. Change is not going to happen easily or quickly but it can happen.

There are three essential elements to a good marriage: Communications, Compromise, and Perseverance. Communications means the each of you must be willing to tell the other what your needs, wants, and fears are in a way that they understand and to listen to and hear your partners needs, wants, and fears. Needs are those things that you absolutely must have in the marriage for the marriage to succeed and to achieve any happiness in your life. Wants are things that you would like to have but are willing to compromise on or trade in exchange for another want or need. Fears are things that make you afraid and that you cannot agree to or live with.

Compromise means negotiating with your partner -- I will do this if you will do that. I want to play tennis three times a week and you hate tennis so we meet part way and you agree to drive me to tennis once a week if I will go bowling. I want sex every day and you only want sex once a month so we compromise and both agree to have sex once a week. Compromise usually involved wants, not needs because needs are not negotiable.

Perseverance is what you need when compromise cannot be achieved. There will be times and if you want to save the marriage, some times you just have to live with something.

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Well if it makes you feel any better I am a lesbian and women are not any smarter or easier than men

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An unfortunate choice for a husband.

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He calls you ugly??? !!! Says you have gap teeth??!!! Well, when people are mad, sometimes, they will pick out the one thing they think someone is most sensitive or vulnerable about about themselves, or try to find the thing they think will hurt the most--this is the equivalent of throwing a A-bomb to kill one person in a war.

While it is not nice, give him a dose of his own medicine.

Try out saying these things to him:

"You have the personality of (fill in blank with someone he hates or the opposite of what he loves, preferably someone in politics or religious leader or someone indicted for a crime or someone really idiotic on tv)___ with a side of___."

"Why do you go to church, you are only polluting its sanctity with your disgusting presence, and you are filthy with sin"

"I can sense evil closing in on you, it travels with you, and you are stained with the evil of your filthy soul and your sin-filled ways, and you cannot run away from the consequences of the sins you make towards others and the way you treat others, and on the day of reckoning you shall be exposed for the pitiful and disgusting creature you are"

The next thing you need to do is tell him how unbelievably ugly he is.

Do his clothes look terrible on him? Is he terrible in bed and couldn't find his way to the door even with a flashlight? Does he not understand the concept of thrusting? Is his rhythm terrible? Maybe his voice is nerdy and sounds stupid? Is he balding? Does he have ugly body hair? Do his wrinkles make him resemble some sort of animal? Are his teeth yellow, or rotting? Does he smell absolutely terrible? Are his facial or body features badly proportioned? Look carefully and see if you can come up with an equally explosive insult for him, especially say soemthing like, "god, I hate the way your __feels against me while we are(having sex/in bed/kissing), it is like a ___(something gross) ___ing me(doing something unpleasant)" or, "I hate seeing you when you come home from work/get up in the morning/eat/(any random thing he does all the time, because you look like a ___ and your freakin(hair, body smell, face, stupid walk, horrible habit, annoying eyes/noes etc)___is like___(be creative).

Try this and you should get him to cry like a baby and wished he never crossed you. It's war!!!

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don't think all men are like your husband. he seems like a raging douche and I'm sure there are a few other non-schmucks like myself who have some respect for women

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At least he has 20/20 vision

Dont stoop to his level

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