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My husband freaks out when I have male friends, his recital of "All men are always looking to upgrade" is the reasoning behind this paranoid behavior. Is that accurate? Are men really looking at females, regardless of marital status...as a reason to upgrade from what they have?
m2extreme m2extreme 31-35, F 13 Answers Dec 27, 2012 in Dating & Relationships

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Yeah, if you're insecure.

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Its the same with women as well, not all men are insecure and jealous. If you love and trust each other then there shouldnt be any problems regarding friends of the opposite sex. Ask yourself, If he has female friends who he hangs out with regularly, do you wonder what they're up to ? If the thought crosses your mind then you both need to talk more seriously about it. I dont understand why couples dont discuss this possibily criplling issue as they get to know each other.. and if one is the jealous type stay away. Hope you two resolve this

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ya...that doesn't seem to work with him. I could care less if he hung out with other females, I trust him, that simple. I can even tell him exactly what I will be doing...and he still flips out if a male is around in any capacity. Says inappropriate for a married female to have male friends.

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Then I dont know why you didnt know he was like this before you married. I, personally wouldnt try to develop friendships with females if I was married but The female friends I have already, are like family and if my wife was jealous Id be very worried it would effect our relationship for the worst and Id have to hurt myself by letting my friend go. =(

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Thats tougjh. Do what you want but having guy friends around will create tension and possibility of something bad to happen. I wouldnt try to create friendships with women if I were married but the female friends I already had for years I could not break off they are my friends because we proved we mean a lot to each other and got through life together. Noone can take that away but as long as your not hanging out with guys you just met and have fun with instead of your husband , If youve known them for a long time, dont let anyone take them away. Be faithful and loving and his jealousy will fade, xo God bless you both

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exactly. =) The few male friends I do have, i've known them half my life and we don't have sexual tension what so ever, developing indepth friendships tends to take that out of it...and grows your friendship into a true honest one. My husband is intimidated by the way I look, and honestly, after 10 yrs i'm just now having to deal with this issue coming out of him. I'm stubborn tho, I put my foot down and said he was in the wrong, that I have done nothing wrong...and I won't be put under the microscope because someone isn't checking their thinking.

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oh ok then Hes totally out of line If youve known them forever .. Tell him to stop this childish thinking, That its no fair, and that you wont ever stop being with your family because best friends are just as much if not even more than some family. =) Say "Get over it and grow up!

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upgrade isn't the right term for this situation. What he's afraid of is that every straight man will think about an attractive female friend sexually.

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good point. thanks

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yeah, it's not impossible to be friends with guys but that is definitely something that has crossed their minds at least once.

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They don't think that. Men are bound to wonder if their partners spend a significant amount of time with male friends, though, just as females might wonder if their men spend a significant amount of time with female friends. Hey, at least your husband sees you as an 'upgrade'! There's a compliment in there somewhere ;-)

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lol thanks

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Not true at all.

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Seriously, do you think men who are 'friends' never sized you up? Come on, we are hawks!

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sizing up, lol and apparently trying to "trade up" to me are different concepts...men and women too size people up as they see them daily...don't even have to know them. But do you guys really think you have to basically **** on your female to feel secure?

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I'm not in a relationship yet, so I can't comment on what I'd tell my girl. Essentially, I meant to say, men are hawks. Size up, trade up, trade in, swap - for me, men a re pretty lustful.

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That is a lie people are perfect just the way they are, most just don't see that others appreciate them and value who they are.

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It's instinct. But good men ignore it.

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