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Just wondering outloud: why do men mess around with "bad" girls when they're single, then turn around and marry or date safely? Then 9 times out of 10 regret marrying or dating the good girl, then yearn for something less...conventional and boring as time goes on.
Lov3intheasylum Lov3intheasylum 31-35, F 17 Answers Dec 20, 2012 in Dating & Relationships

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I happen to be a "broken" girl, and trust me- when guys are drawn to you because you're damaged, it doesn't end well. As soon as you start to relax and trust that they love you and will be there for you, they stop being attracted to you because you aren't as broken, and they start seeking out other broken girls. <br />
Has happened every single time to me.

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Sounds like you're in an awkward position there, because you change as the relationship goes along. So the men who'd like you when you've relaxed a bit are scared away by the earlier brokenness. :/ *hugs you* Hopefully someone out there will see through that eventually. :)

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Never understood that, I think they like being "needed" and when you dont need them, *poof*

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I think you're right. I do seem to scare away nice normal guys.

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That's exactly right. Sad and stupid, but it seems to be how a lot of people work

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Rabbit, would you believe that I find that hard to believe? You seem nice enough to me.

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I promise it's true.

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Broken girls can and should have happy endings! It might be hard to find a guy or girl who accepts them for that, but they do exist. Everyone deserves a happy ending.

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Everyone deserves a 'happy ending'...and I don't believe in anyone being 'broken'. That said, I think that the 'good' girls (girls next door) are usually ready to settle down before the 'bad' girls are.

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As a guy, I could ask the same about girls: why do they always go for the bad boys...? My theory is that they're more exciting short-term, but since they're also less reliable they're not so suitable as a life partner. So when they start to get serious about settling down, they opt for someone who's going to be stable and a good mother/father to their children.<br />
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And as for regretting it later? I guess they just miss the excitement, despite the fact that it they got it back they'd regret it pretty quickly.

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Thing is, I'm not even that exciting..I just dont live my life the way people expect me to

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Hey, the unexpected is pretty much automatically sexy. :) That said, so long as you're also stable and caring, it's hard to see why you don't qualify for girl-next-door-hood too. The bad girls I was thinking of are the ones who'll do anything they feel like... including dumping you at a moment's notice because some other guy has a cool tattoo or something.

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Hrnmm, not that sort of unstable lol but caring yes, loyal, yes.

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That qualifies you for a happy ending in my book, and the right guy will see that. :)

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Personally I'd prefer being married to a bad girl. I think bad girls and ba<x>sed boys should end up together so they mesh and can enjoy the similar lifestyles and ways of thinking and wants and needs. And the same for the nice guys and girls. In think once the adventure and excitement of dating an opposite has passed one should seek out his/her own kind for a long term relationship. : )

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You marry someone you can have a stable life with. I also wouldn't say 9/10 times because that's completely bogus. only 50% of marriages end badly and not 90% of those ended because of a marital affair caused by the husband. As men get older they start to romanticize their youth. When they were young they were reckless, as are the "bad" girls. Men, also go for women of the same mental stability as them. If a man is broken he'll be with a broken woman. Also, this is harsh, but broken girls are easy to mess around with. A woman who is put together is worth sticking around for.

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Ok, 9/10 was a stretch. Sure, women who are more stable are more appealing until the guy wants to "romanticize his youth" and then the stable good wife can't hang.

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That's not true either. Men do not want to throw away a marriage just like that. No one does. Divorce is never easy and making the decision to have an affair is a hard one as well. The good wife is the one a good man wants to be with. If you married a bad man who was pretending to be good, well that's when he will go with a woman who is as reckless as he is.
Also, 9/10 wasn't a stretch it was a completely bogus statistic that you made up to prove your point because your relationship ended badly. Just because its happening to you does not mean it is at all relevant to the majority of marriages.

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Some have, or they let their marriage fall apart over it. Yeah, 9 out of 10 was a bogus stat, but most stats are made up on the spot, whats your point? And how do you know I was talking about myself? This is a phenomena that happens all of the time regardless of whether my relationship ended badly or not, which you know nothing about.

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Actually m'dear you just keep spewing false information. Most statistics are not made up on the spot. Lies are made up on the spot. In order to be a statistic it needs to be researched and also cited. Nice try though. My point is you're making a completely erroneous claim about men and marriage. It doesn't happen all the time, it only happens all the time to women who choose the wrong men, or have such low self-esteem that they accept any man who shows them affection. I know a lot about relationships. This is what I'm studying in college.

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Well being what place this is, you should expect that some people will post bs claims out emotional bias. I'm guilty, fine. Although you're studying it, doesn't make you the authority, it doesn't make me either..sometimes real life experience does intervene and there's some things a shiny education can't explain. You may know and I'll give you that, but you lack a human touch about it, though.

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One thing about education is there is a lot of real life experience. I have done many clinical observations and interviews with couples who have both gone through a tragic divorce and also who are still married after 50 years. Authority isn't the word you are looking for either. Authority: The power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience: "he had absolute authority over his subordinates". I have not given any order nor am I making any decision into your life. The word you are looking for is expert, and no, you are right. You are not an expert in the field of relationships. I am not either, however, I am being taught first hand by those who have devoted years into researching relationships. I would have had a more understanding tact had you just posted, "Why did my husband leave me for a "bad girl" Or " Men leave me for the good girl." However, I would have given you my same response as I did in the beginning. Men want stability. The strive to be with a partner who is as emotionally stable as they are. Reckless goes with Reckless and Cautious go with cautious. When Reckless meets cautious the relationship will have many problems..

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Fair enough. I decided to not make the question about me, but just something I've been wondering in general. Felt it was a different question from the norm, so I asked. I wasnt left for a bad woman or a good girl, I can't assume what kind of woman my ex ended up with will be like in the end. I'm guessing in your studies that some factors of divorces also have to do with people changing, right? The stable they come to marry may not remain the same after some years later, right?

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Honestly, it's about people not being real to begin with. People do change, but generally their morals don't. If they were putting on a facade for a long time then it appears as if they had changed, when in fact this is who they've been all along. The most important thing to look for in a partner is their values. Don't ask them their values they will show you in time. A man can say he values honesty but lies to you when he's in trouble. If his actions don't line up with his words than this relationship is with someone who is pretending to be someone they aren't.

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Oh that much I know, but maybe I'm more forgiving when I say I can allow a mistake as long as he makes up for it. I know there will be things in life that test morals and values, in the end I respect someone who doesnt let that totally corrupt them.

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People tend to lie about their morals and values. A man may say his family is what he values the most, however he rarely contacts his family. Or a woman may say she values selflessness however when met by a homeless man on the street they refuse to offer their assistance. These are key things to look for when dating someone, they can say many things. But their actions show their true values, never their words.

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I know a few people like this, including myself if were going to be honest. I think it shows a bit of uprightness if they were to admit that their values werent always perfect. Then again, I cant always count on everyone being honest. Oh well.

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Well there is a commonly confused line between what people really do value and what they wish they valued. Like, let's say you bought 6500 jacket. Ridiculous but you would take care of that jacket because you valued it. You would take it to the dry cleaners, only wear it during special occasions. You value that jacket and your actions prove it. When you value something there isn't anything that could change that in you. Its fundamentally built into you. Like I value my family. I can honestly say I do because of the sacrifices I make to keep my family together. If you value money you show that by sacrificing other aspects of your life to earn money. You may say you value other things, and you may believe that you actually do value other things, however it is by your actions that you will know what you value and what you don't

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Some grls might not go over well with mom...some might not seem like they could be good mothers themselves, others too wild, crazy, or irresponsible to trust in a long commitment. Lot's of reasons...

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I think that you can be an educated woman and be unconventional and amusing. Maybe (I said maybe!) men marry plain docile women for peace and quiet, and, as one of my male friends once said, I'd rather marry a plain Jane because at least I keep her to myself. Attractive women are sought after by other men. (Charming!)

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i'm the 'broken girl' and my best friend asked me out a couple days ago, so i son't know, maybe some men are like that, i mean i'm a really depressed teen, i once tried cutting, (didn't start) but i didn't, and i still am broken, but he still asked me, so maybe some men are like that, they don't know between good or bad or ''broken''

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or maybe your friend just has hope in you?

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maybe... you could be right, maybe i will be alone forever, maybe i'm just a hopeless soul that needs help, then when i find who i really am, he''l go to the girl.....he really likes,

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we shouldnt try to anticipate anything bad happening, doing that just feeds our fears. hang tight..even if this one doesnt work out, its not the end of the world..

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That's funny question

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Yeah I huffed some nitrous oxide before I typed it out lol

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Men like to have their cake and eat it to and woman make it possible for them. <br />
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Women are more forgiving than men. <br />
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A woman wants to be a man's last and a man wants to be a woman's first. <br />
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Women are willing to settle down with any man from any walk of life. <br />
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Men have a check list that the girl must abide be to even be considered.

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We just don't like to travel far.

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Don't think there is good or bad girl, it is just the rigth person in their life at some point. When their needs change and are not met, that is when things go bad.

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