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arrangemarriageresearch arrangemarriageresearch 22-25 20 Answers May 2, 2012

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Because they are cowards. Selfish little men that start relationships with british women and then when mummy says so they disapear off to pakistan to get married to please the family. Basically for a baby making machine and a slave for mummy . Hypocrites claim they know what's best. And best of all the precious son is blinded by his mothers love. Especially when she unexpectedly becomes so ill when he refuses . Coincidence I think not. Hypocrites. The family act like they are so religious when in fact they are not but when it comes to marriage of the precious sons and the production of their grandchildren they know what's best. No care for how anyone else feels or hurts. I don't know how people in this day and age are still getting away with this. Disgusting but it will go on in these cases for many many years to come. Because of weak little men that are too cowardly to speak up for themselves or stand on their own two feet. Because without family they are homeless usually jobless and outcast to the family. PATHETIC parenting.

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Exactly what I experienced and agree with!!

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I’m a Spanish girl and from my point of view I should say, first it is because the family wants to make sure that his son will be involved for the rest of his live in the same culture and religion as he grew up. At first moment that sounds great, they want the best for his son, the same as every other family around the world. But the point is why the family think they have to choose a specifically girl for him. Why they think they know better than his son what he needs. Why they do that? Maybe it is because they don't trust his son will choose the correctly one. The correct way would be the son could choose the girl he likes and vice versa. Who better of them know what they want for themselves. So, it seems easy, right? Well, If I keep thinking...It comes to my mind another reason...The religion says the marriage must be for rest of your life, even if both one day realize that they are not happy living together. They can’t get divorced, because it is forbidden. So if the family don’t let them to choose, then they can’t make decision to get divorced by themselves. So what it means to shape with life gives to you. They say it is what God wants for you. But at the end it was what your family choose instead of you. All of you guys/girls think about it because it will be your own life and it will be too long to live it unhappy. Thanks to give me this opportunity to write in this wall my humble opinion.

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Islam does not say you cannot have a divorce.. where did you get this information from? Because it is incorrect !

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Well, I wanted to mean that is not good well seen anyway.

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i believe that British pakistani men get arranged marriages because, it is an easy option for them, they like to lead a double life, one to please threir families and on the other hand to please themselves. From what i have experienced and what i hav seen, the men lead a lifestyle that is forbidden in the eyes of their parents, when their parents come to find out about their sons ways they wisk them off to pakistan as they feel that marriage is the only way for them to leave the lifestyle that they live. religion is used as a back bown to marriage even though alot of families are not religious. i believe that reliigion is a way of life and should not be used just in special occasions such as , marriages, deaths, eid etc. what is the point of getting married religiously when you dono leave a religiouse life.

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assalam o alaikum,its waniya here,our religion does not force us to marry any person whom we don't like...and the basic thing,y pakistanis prefer to marry the person of there parent's choice is dat i believe dat parents have seen this world more than us they have different experiences in there lives both good nd worst..they wont let us to face any harship or worst experience regarding this matter as its directly related to our heart feelings and sensitive emotions as it is very painful to have any worst experience in this regard nd if we get hurt so our parents too...i have my 2personal experiences i tried both time to comprise nd sacrifice as much as i can but it does not work and after having a worst experience both time i go to my father cry alot putting my head on his shoulder nd said to him u always told me to be careful in dis regard nd i again nd again choose the wrong person .i was thinking dat he will scold me 4 doing this 2nd time but he hug me nd he also start crying nd said beta my doll i knw u how touchy ans sensitive u r dats y i always asked u to keep urself away 4m all dis so u cnt get hurt.dnt cry dear u will get the best person who will truely deserve u.today m engaged wid a person of my father's choice and he is really really very nice caring loving nd all above it he give respect to me nd trust me alot..thanks daddy.parents always want best 4 ther childrens

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this is also a huge question for me...bcoz i am from other country and different religion than to my pakistani bf...we love each other but he will getting married next year.."arranged married"his dad already chosen a gril for him..it was really hard for me to accept until now it very painful for me the situation we hav right now...he said he cant dis obey the culture and the parents...why they r not very open minded when it comes in choosing the girl they want to marry,,why they cant stand by their own?why he cant fight for me?those question really make me crzazy..i told him that we can go far away from them and we live together but he cant,,,he said he cant leave his family,i ask him if he loves me he said yes but he cant do what im asking,,,i dont know if he really loves me or what....OMG...i dont know what love is......

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Wake up girl! If he really loved you, he would fight for you! He knew what would happen all along! He just used you for time being! Believe me, I know what I am talking about!! They are cowards!!

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its funny how respect for parents and their expectations is considered to be a form of cowardice for most of these commenters on this post. seriously, is what your parents want from you and following your parents wishes out of love and respect something people are not familiar with nowadays. i swear most of these comments are just demonstrating the lack of respect people have for their elders.

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they are already related i dont know why they want to marry there own people .they are close related to keep everything in the family.well if they wait long enough they are going to inherit it anyway .

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Im going to book my tickets to Pakistan and getting an arrange marriage done. I've only seen 2pics of the girl and never directly spoken to her. The wedding is scheduled for December 28 2012. I'm a social worker who has been looking for a girl for years in London. I haven't even come close. I was going to sign myself on to "single Muslims" but it's really not my style..

The reason I'm doing it is because it's difficult to date without getting physical..sounds pathetic I know.. But that's what I've experienced...I'm absolutely ******** it..but now the date is getting closer I've realised that how ever this stranger is..what ever her character is..I know she's leaving her entire life and family to b with me..YHWH perhaps she's doing it jus to get to England..but I've never been a pessimistic person. Instead I'm going to see the huge romantic crazy gesture were both making..looking back at all the past relationships iv had which haven't worked out..iv realised that dating is a difficult process..iv broken hearts and mine has been broken to..all my relationships have been soo fragile.don't get me wrong iv always wanted to eventually get married to every girl iv dated...oh YHWH I tried getting an arrange marriage in England..but it was difficult because I didn't have a mortgage..in fact I don't even have a degree..even though I have a really well paid job a degree aquivalent qualifications..common questions which were asked..I am really worried that I might not connect with her because I feel my natural personality comes out in English..I never thought I'd get an arrange marriage..but I'm 27 now..time to grow a pair and realise that I'll have unconditional love with this girl iv never met..I'll never break up with her no matter wot inshallah

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From the point of view a Pakistani girl- it's because our family means everything to us and we would do anything for our parents.

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No answer above/below is incorrect and everyone's situation is different. I will give my personal experience and views...

To answer the first question, there are many reasons; Family Tradition, Forced, No other option etc. Marriages are commonly arranged by parents or their agents when the marriages are seen as principally uniting two families rather than just husband and wife. There is also often the rationalisation that teenagers and young adults are too inexperienced to make a wise mate selection.

I feel that in this day and age no man can be forced to have a arranged marriage as much as they might be. Every man and especially British men have freedom of choice and ultimately they make their own decisions.

One of the main reasons of having arranged marriage is to please the family, as this has been the previous norm for our parents/grandparents. Not only are these kind of arrangements seemed as a very noble deed but majority of the times the weddings are also funded by the family, so again this is a seen as an easier option for the individual. Ultimately the decision is on the man to make, of course any particular decision he does make can have repercussions ...



Moving into the question of the role that religion has to this tradition then we need understand that like any religion, Islam has many different branches and opinions. Some would argue that yes Islam does have a role to play in the arranged marriage process and as Taalib mentioned in his answer: set out a perfect way of finding a good life partner, and suitable mate Islam has covered and covers all aspects of married life; the emotional, spiritual, moral, physical. But this does not mean that all these factors have to be achieved via an arrangement, what says you cannot cover all this aspects by finding someone yourself rather then your parents finding someone for you.

Islam and in particular hadith (practices and teaching of the Prophet Muhammed Pbuh, teaches us about the use of force in marriage and how it is forbidden; When a girl reported that her father had forced her to marry without her consent, the Prophet (peace be upon him) gave her the choice, either to accept the marriage or to choose to invalidate it. (Ahmad)



This hadith is enough proof that Islam does not approve of the practice whereby two people are thrown into marriage without their consent. In another version of this hadith, the girl said "Actually I accept this marriage but I wanted to let women know that parents have no right (to force a husband on them.)" (Ibn Majah)

In another hadith, the Prophet made clear that ladies should not be married without being consulted first. Abu Hurairah quoted the Prophet as saying, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her, and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." (Al-Bukhari)

There nothing related to 'arranged' so ultimately I would say, no religion does not have an input on arranged marriages

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Following what Umair87 comments about there nothing related to arranged marriages to the religion, I'm wondering another question; why is not common the marriages between a muslim guy and a girl from a different religión or viceversa? The religion (in this case Islam) allows to marry with a girl from a different religion. Then, why most of the cases, I would say the 99%, the family are against to such marriages?

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Religion does have an input, YES. The beautiful religion of Islam set out a perfect way of finding a good life partner, and suitable mate. Islam covered and covers all aspects of married life; the emotional, spiritual, moral, physical. What many Pakistani people/men/society has done is take a perfect system and tarnished it, and corrupted it somewhat.

They misuse a system put in place to protect everyone involved.

There are many people who misuse it. Some are the parents, who think they know best; feeling that they are helping their son as well as their families in Pakistan. these parents feel a sense of duty and pressure from their family in Pakistan.

Often this pressure is then transferred to their sons, with the aid of pressure and emotional blackmail to marry from Pakistan.

As well as this as mentioned before some have arranged marriages from Pakistan as the 'easy route'.

BUT this is not the only arranged marriage. Let us not forget we have arranged marriages within England. When a Muslim/Pakistani guy likes a girl, and would like to marry in the correct way, he will approach his parents, and ask them to arrange the marriage for him, in the correct and honorable fashion.

ALSO an arranged marriage is NOT the same as a FORCED marriage.

NOR is it the same as a marriage where the two beings involved are not allowed to meet and get to know each other. The only stipulation to this being; meeting in the correct manner.



Finally Pakistani/ Muslim men are not the only men who have arranged marriages. It happens in many other cultures. It happens in the British/Western culture also. However it happens in ways we don't spot as easily. From being set up, through to being pressure to or away from a certain mate. It is just disguised by a sexual, adulterous relationship before marriage.

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the culture of britsh pakistan men getting arranged marriages has derived from the previous cultural values of the previous generations some have conflics of interest that has been stated as 'clash cultures' the reason as to why previous generations may have arranged marriages may be a link to the religion of islam that men of pakistani heritage are muslim, the religion of islam do not allow sexual relationships before marriage this could possibilty create difficulities in creating relationships which are not from an arranged contexts, but this theory of links between islam and arrange marriages can also be flawed as the religion also allows one being to get to know another sex.

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Pakistani men get arranged marriages because of the belief that their parents know them better then they know themselves this has been ingrained in their minds by parents from a young age .Also the fear of embarrassing their family in the community and family system plays a large part in this arrangement .The young man may also be promised to a cousin even though some may not agree with this they go ahead out of respect of the family mainly for fear of upsetting the father this arrangement also keeps what was given by the family in the family.

An arranged marriage means a ready made helper for the mother someone who is able to cook and clean for the family. Parents also want partners for their boy who they are convinced are a perfect match , even though they have had limited contact with this person. Arranged marriages are not religious obligations but a cultural tradition passed on by generations " if it is good enough for my parents it must be good enough for me" as in love marriages not all arranged marriages fail and love grows between the couple and sometimes it never does and breeds resentment not only of each other but of the parents and people who made the arrangement.

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I believe arranged marriages have their benefits, as some people from the asian subcontinent prefer the culture of their country. I don't believe religion plays a part in arranged marriages, it's more of a cultural practice. But members of my family have been arranged marriaged and it can work. It may have it's downside, but some people may prefer to get married to a girl they have never met, in order to get to know them and it's exciting as they are being intimate with someone they have never met. From what I see arranged marriages can last and same for love marriages. But sometimes if you have known someone before marriage it can lead to arguments and problems in the marriage later, but not in all cases. Problems can appear in both arranged and love marriages. But getting married whether arranged or by love marriage is a personal choice. And in Islaam a girl is not allowed to be forced into marriage, you have to ask her opinion on the marriage.

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pakistani men generally get arranged marrieges as this is expected by the parents as they have had arranged marriages themselves and pass on this traadition. some men feel that they are obliged to have an arranged marriage as they feel that they would be disowned by thier parents if they disagree with thier parents choice. many of the arranged traditions i know of are interelated marriages, most pakistanis do this to keep wealth in the same family. islam does not encourage or discourage arranged marriages. islam teaches to get married to a person that you are compatible with.

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to keep their parents and families happy.

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They can't find woman on their own.

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and how would you know that?

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and they also like fish&chips

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Not all Pakistani men do. My parents married after a 4 years relationship and my sister got married to her boyfriend recently too. I am a Pakistani man and i can never think of marrying a girl that i barely know. Yes, it is true that arrange marriage still happens in this country but it is slowly disappearing. Not all men are the same

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