simply cause we let boredom come into our lives.. and we always expect the other to take the 1st step of making life more spicy or more exciting .. we tend to judge and criticize ...instead of understand ... we tend to blame and point a finger ... we lose compassion all the way ..
People assume that marriage just happens, that no effort is required of a good match. In reality, we must keep a healthy relationship new and alive, or we'll end up in a rut. When the playful little surprises stop, then there is no longer anything to look forward to.
As humans our natural impulse is to strike out on our own and make the best life we can. When you get married you are trying to merge their best life with your idea of a best life and make it work. Employment is one of the key factors to boredom within a marriage in my opinion. Alot of people in this world work anywhere from 8-12 (some longer) hours per day. Some jobs are extremely tasking mentally, physically, emotionally, or all three. By the time you get home you're too tired from one or all of these things to really bring anything to the table. You see each other less and less as you promote up the ladder of whatever field you're in, because with more money and prestige comes more responsiblity, more hours, and more overall work. Second is that people don't know how to TALK to eachother anymore. I mean really talk. Men are taught to reserve their feelings while women are taught to wear them on their sleeve. (generalization) That lack of communication is fatal to any marriage and any fun you'd like to find inside of it. Ask your partner, What would make you happier? Are you happy? and don't be afraid to answer honestly, if you aren't happy, SAY SO. But have suggestions ready for how to make it better. I feel that can greatly improve any relationship, married or otherwise.
Most people don't understand that change is going to come along. I think people as couples in the beginning don't expect that being parents changes how they see themselve and when the kid are grown they haven't adapted. The distance in seeing the person that you fell in love with, one or both in the relationship kind of lost contact with that person over time. So I can see that the intimate communication necessary to fulfill each others need in what is exciting is just lost over time. Boredom is the passion for each others company not being on the same level.
Because theres nothing left to talk about.
familiarity breeds contempt
I met my husband 33 years ago, began dating was pregnant 4 months later, married, had 3 more children, struggled through financial problems, relationship problems, (married at 20 and 23 was really young), and today, we are still and probably more in love than 33 years ago.....our secret? Now don't laugh, but there was something special from the first date 33 years ago; barely detectable but still there, that one might call soul mating......it was buried a bit through the kid raising years but with both of us coming from dysfunctional upbringings, we had a stubborn streak in us that wouldn't allow our marriage to fail.....did we have hard times? You bet! Did we ever want to throw in the towel? Almost a few times! But we perservered with the knowledge that nothing and no one is perfect.....and for our kids......today, we're in our 50s, with 4 great kids and now grandparents and he is my best friend ........I wish everyone could have what we have,,,,,,,,,
The only thing Constant in life is change!<br />
Many couples expect the same "thrills" they had when they were younger will thrill them just as much yrs later! this isn't reality!<br />
So many folks are afraid to talk about Things &thoughts that are in anyway differant than the norm(as they see it)! They don't think thier partener is open minded enough so they are fearful to open their mouths so furstration BUILDS!<br />
An "Ideal" couple can& does talk about anything(including sex fantisies)& be open minded enough to switch things up gradually through time!IE: be open minded)!<br />
No one wants to see the same movie once a week for 20 yrs.!
PREDICTABILITY IS A BIG KILLER OF FUN.WHEN YOU KNOW SOMEONE SO WELL YOU EASLILY KNOW WHAT THEIR ANSWER TO ANY QUESTION WILL BE. THAT CAN CAUSE BOREDOM. LACK OF ANY SURPRISE ANY ENTHUSIASM ....FOR EXAMPLE TAKE LADY GAGAS MEAT DRESS. I THOUGHT," WELL, WHAT THE F... ISN'T THAT SPECIAL".HOW INTERESTING. I,M SURE JOHN MY HUSBAND WOULD NOT HAVE A REACTION TO IT. BUT THEN WHAT DO I KNOW.
Everything has its seasons, even marriage. I think a season of boredom is normal. The idea is you're suppose to be able to stand together in all weather, that's the whole idea of marriage, in good times and bad. People don't listen to their vows like they use to, that's the problem.
Because they weren't the ideal couple, An ideal won't get bored .