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I have come across a few people whose siblings or other family members might be hard up and they will not extend a helping hand, but are active participants in donating to their favoured charities. At that point, is it really about helping or about fame?
angelicsmiles angelicsmiles 31-35, F 21 Answers Jan 18, 2013 in Community

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It's all for show. <br />
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It's the same with some people going to church every Sunday to look pious but behind close doors, they gossip, they are greedy, selfish and abusive.

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Its saddening really, the heights of hypocricy people go to just for some fame.

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They want recognition! In society helping family is something expected of us, whereas helping others is an act of kindness and goes beyond family!

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An utter misinterpretation of the word compassion. <br />
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*shaka*

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Wondered that myself when my mother was giving 10,000 a year to her church, but wouldn't give me a dime for college. Oh well, I appreciate my degree that much more. :-)

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That kind of sucks ... I was talking of extended family but this is even worse. You are her own child.

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Her mother had 5 children &amp; couldn't afford to help her with college, so her stance was always "Nobody helped me. I did it all on my own." Only difference was that she COULD afford to help me. It stung a little when I found out how much she was tithing.

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Dont parent want to give children what they themselves didnt have? I know I would want to. Sorry about that ..

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Me too. I want to do everything I can to give my kids a hand-up in life.

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Good for you ... if parents dont help their own children, who will. :)

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Different worldviews, perhaps. I myself have always had a fairly immediate focus in my view of things, and therefore have been more willing to contribute toward the aid of that most immediate to me, be it a hard up family member or friend. The only disaster fund I ever contributed to was the 4/27/11 tornado, because I was horrified at what I saw firsthand, and felt connected to the townspeople immediately around me. <br />
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I suspect it takes both kind of people, those charitable in the immediate versus the distant and abstract, to help keep the world turning.

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This is a good answer. Thank you.

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I think when people see their own extended family they start concluding as to why that person should not be given a charity and reason it as to blame him/herself for his fate.<br />
While for others whom you dont know personally, you would just donate money...and also they might not come back to your for more...while relatives may.<br />
One example to support my first point:<br />
Lets say someone in family got a cancer because he use to drink....and you know the reason, so you blame him for the disease and no charity....

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Isnt this where people then lack compassion? What help does blaming do?

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Can you question when you need help!!!!
But I agree with your reasoning

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No, of course the person who needs help is in no position to question this. I talk as an observer. :) Thank you.

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I can write a cheque to a charity and do some good and get a tax receipt. If I gave the same money to my crackhead relative, or bought her food, I would soon have an angry cracked out person cursing me out, harassing me, banging on my door, waking up my neighbours and being a general nuisance. I'm unwilling to provide a permanent residence to a drug addict who will steal from me at every opportunity and never seek help.

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Fair enough. This is understandable and not the kind of people I was referring to as needy extended family.. just the genuine temporarily hard up on their luck kind of people.. etc .

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The people who find themselves in unexpected trouble usually have too much pride to ask for help.

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Yes, but this will not stop a family member who cares to try find a way to help.

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People are often too busy with their own crap to notice what goes on around them.

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Sometimes those "needy" people have been helped and helped and helped. People get tired of family members who won't grow up, who act like the world owes them a living and behave irresponsibly. People who work their behinds off get a little ticked when these "needy" family members buy game consoles with welfare money when they have to think twice about buying a magazine or a skein of yarn.

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I understand this point and agree. There is a limit and consideration as well. But I meant the not consistently needy people who are just down and hard on their times temporarily or need an intial set up push... etc.

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I have helped my son make a down payment on a house. I gave another son money to buy Christmas presents for his kids. I gave a third son the money for a security deposit on an apartment. So, I've seen both sides of the issue.

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Thats great. :)

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Thanks!

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Because some of those family members are leeches...just like mine

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Someone who participates with charity outside of their family is a very giving person. they are giving themselves to strangers. often times they don't want to be acknowledged for it so its easier to volunteer your time to strangers. People also support what they believe in. Think about it in terms of you going shopping, you spend your money at the stores that you like and that's it. And can you honestly say you buy stuff for others aside from the holidays? <br />
When you get involved with constantly supporting your family it becomes a burden and they get lazy and expect help. I experienced this from my step moms family and my mothers family.

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Isnt this an oxymoron ..someone participating in charities is very giving yet find giving to family members a burden? It is not about constant either, that is not help that is support. I am talking about helping.

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I don't see helping a family member out as a one time thing. They either continue to ask you or you get into a money situation which can divide a family. I personally provide help to my family in other ways rather than just giving them money. With family I expect that if I help them out they will be there for me when I need them to be. With a stranger I feel like I did something good because they obviously had no one to reach out to them in the first place.

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Okay.

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television is to blame all those stupid just pennies a day commercials **** me off.

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its just like convincing urself lol!.. that they did the charity...

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its about balance.......

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Some families have a lot of internal rivalries and no one wants to help a rival.<br />
Some people in the family knowing the person in need will blame the person for their own state and no help them as a show of disapproval.<br />
Some people like to project a certain image to the world about them being a good and charitable person but don't worry about doing it in their own family because they know they cannot fool their family members.

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too close to home/you know them/you've been burned by helping them before. You can also donate anonymously... unlike some high profile stuff out there

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