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My ex said some really mean things to me during an argument. Often calling me derogatory names. Also went as far as to say that I was using my bros death for my own gain....it hurt me really bad. I thought that she loved me. I knew she was really mad....but she says some mean things that I just can't forget. I am level headed during arguments. I don't like to make low blows, so to speak. She can't seem to help herself. For those of you who have blow up easily, can you offer any insight. I don't think she realizes how much her words hurt. She seems to try and justify it by saying she was mad and that is how she expresses herself...really? Edit: I know....I am done. I just feel betrayed. I can't believe there was no apology for saying that about my brother. At first I would say...she was just mad, but you know what....that is NO excuse. I am sorry...how sad. BTW, there was no cheating in this relationship, and no dishonesty.
KMTTP KMTTP 36-40, F 13 Answers Oct 31, 2009

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I have been having problems with my visiting teacher. I asked her to call before she cames over. Then she called and I cleaned the house for 45minutes and a no buddy came. It happened twice and the last time she just stopped by and I was coloring my hair and she said I do not want to talk to you and I said well I want to talk to you .<br />
I decided to change visiting teacher and she came to my house and handed my husband a nasty note. I called her anyways and there really is no more to be said.

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ON ANY OCCASION, IF A PERSON DOES NOT TAKE A MOMENT TO THINK ABOUT THEIR THOUGHTS, WORDS AND/OR ACTIONS THAT WILL LEAD THEM TO UNLEASHING THEIR TIRADE UNTO THEIR LOVE ONE, IT IS SIMPLY AN ACT OF SELFISHNESS. I SPEAK AS BOTH A GIVER AND A RECEIVER WHERE I THOUGHT I WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING AND COULD SAY ANYTHING I WANTED REGARDLESS OF HIS FEELINGS AND THEN THE SAME HAPPENED TO ME. WE HOLD THE POWER OF BOTH LIFE AND DEATH IN OUR TONGUE. WHEN WE GROW TO UNDERSTAND THAT LOVE, GRACE, FAITH AND UNDERSTANDING FIRST GIVEN TO OURSELVES AND THEN, LAVISHLY UPON EVERYONE ELSE, THAT'S WHEN WE REALIZE THE PEOPLE WE LOVE ARE JUST AS TROUBLED, INSECURE AND IN NEED OF OUR LOVE AS WE ARE. IT IS OUR CHOICE: WE CAN HAVE LOVE IN OUR LIFE OR BE ALONE AND BE RIGHT!

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Thank you for that I really need to read this so much.

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Because they are insecure and feel helpless. When our mother lay dying my pregnant little sis was stuck in a snowstorm at the airport a thousand miles away. The screaming out of control anger at my other sister, Paula,(not real name) included profanity and personal verbal assaults, to which Paula responded with verbal assaults of her own. I grabbed the phone and asked my little sis, "honey are you afraid you won't get a chance to say goodbye to mommy?" she immediately burst into tears. Oftentimes our inability to see beneath the words causes us to ruin our relationships and cause bitterness. What is the real issue with those who purportedly love us but resort to this type of behavior?

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yeah ..like my ex boyfriend and i became friends again. I was so nice to him. we talked really good. than one day he texted me saying i am annoying,clingy,stupid,werid..out of no where and he deleted me off of facebook and i dont understand why he did all of that??? like i was so nice to him. oh yeah he told me all of his gf cheated on him and that i was the only girl who never did that to him that he trusted me and still loved me. so when he told me all of that out of nowhere i said wow i wonder why all ur gf cheated on you out of confusion and anger and than he said only one gf cheated on me and it was with a band i think called neon tress so at less she cheated on me with someone famouse lol. so i just dont get why he lied about getting cheated on with so many girls and now saying that, just makes me wonder what i did for him to say those mean things.? i was always so nice to him untill he went off on me than i kind of defended myslef. idk....

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Love is so complicated. In the beginning it can drive us mad with passion and feelings of nurture and adoration for the other. But just as easily, being so close to another human, we let down our defenses and all the ugliness can come pouring out. This is not a justification, just what I have learned from experience. And, in my own life, I have found that I was much more volatile in my twenties and thirties. I felt I had the right to say whatever was on my mind. Now, I realize that just because I think something does not mean I should say it. Some things are better left unsaid. Anger can flare up and words fall out of our mouths because our rational minds have left the building. I am so sorry this person did this. However, it is a risk we all face in relationships. Each of us is responsible for our own behavior and in order to grow as human beings, that means taking a good, hard look at ourselves and fixing what is not right. Peace...SS

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That's why she's an ex. I say hurtful mean things to people, but usually it is because I do not like them or respect them. and I speak the truth out of anger and frustration with them.

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I know I can be like this, especially if I have been really hurt by the person I am trying to hurt back. It is not right, but it is a kind of defense mechanism. Hurt before you get hurt. I bet your ex comes from a very disfunctional background? For myself, my Mom is an alcoholic. I pretty much raised myself since I was 12. I am now 34 and long past that. Your ex has to learn that lashing out and hurting others just to get revenge or make herself feel better is wrong and will only cause her more pain in the end. Right now it sounds like she hates the world and nothing you can do or say will change that. She has to change herself, sadly some never realize this. She could also have a Mental Illness, especially if she is volatile and extremely moody.

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I would say-just to hurt you at the time of their anger but some words are just too much like with your situation there is no need for pure poison to come out of ones mouth,how can you forget that.<br />
Sorry to get onto someone else here but"Unicorn59"GOOD FOR YOU-U did the right thing,what kind of evil person was that.....

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My husband is always the first to say hurtful things. Its easier for him to say them so he can cover up his insecurities. Takes the guilt off of him and makes him feel powerful knowing he can hurt me so easily. But I've become stronger and theres alot of stuff I could say to him that would do terrible personal damage, but I will never lower myself to do that. My therapist says he knows what he's doing and does it because he has to feel superior, like he has control over my emotions. If he can't come up with a good argument he has to hit with low blows. Takes away from the fact he didn't have a reason to argue to begin with.

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Either because they don't think and only blurt out what comes into their mind - like GIGO or because they are cruel sobs who want to deliberately hurt you.

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Oh, she realizes how much it hurts....that's why she said it....she is trying to hurt you.....<br />
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The reason is simple...she is dysfunctional....and some of the things she said to you, in my opinion, there's just no way to get it back....I'd be done. My ex said something to my daughter, who had just been diagnosed with cancer.....he called her a "freakazoid" and "a bag of bones", because her lymphnodes were enlarged, and she had lost weight, due to the cancer....<br />
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Yes, he apologized...but, during the argument with my daughter, he was trying to say things, to shut her up....(it's about control)....and he knew she was self-conscious about her lymphnodes...it was deliberate...<br />
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That day, I stopped loving him.....instantly....someone that could be that cruel, and hurt my child like that, just to win an argument, is pathetic.<br />
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There's no turning back....(he, incidently, has borderline personality disorder)

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because they can get away with it!!put it this way,your having a heated arguement with your mum,saying things you dont mean,but in a heated situalation you still say them!!xx

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My "mother" said the most cruel and hurtful thing to me. I can somewhat understand if she was "under the influence" of something, but she was not. When confronted about these words she would justify them. Unfortunately I am reliant upon this person. Until the day I die I will never understand how someone can be so intentionally cruel, especially someone who claims that they "love" the other person.

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