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DeeLisa DeeLisa 31-35 35 Answers Jun 12, 2012

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there are 2 main reasons -

Selfishness (the biggest reason) and one or both spouses aren't willing to put forth the effort it takes to keep a marriage together.

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Because we go into marriage with preconceived ideas of what our spouse should be. When their not as perfect, or wonderful as we want or thought we start to view them differently. We go into marriage because we want something, love, security whatever. Its not supposed to be that way, love isn't a felling its a commitment to serve each other equally. But when one wants served continually without serving back, its imbalance and hatred, resentment, and anger build to intoxicating levels and its done, no going back, the relationship is over.

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In order for a marriage to work, each person has to give 100 percent (not 50-50 like some people believe). Unfortunately, some people are not even willing to give 5%. One partner ends up playing the role of both husband and wife. If kids are involved, they have the role of parent too, on top of husband and wife. It gets tiring. Once that person burns out, the marriage is perpetually over.



Marriage is a partnership. If you can't take that responsibility, you're better off staying single. If people thought this over before getting married, there would be more successful unions.

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People forget that anything worth having takes work and committment.

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1. People don't consider compatibility. (*See my story on compatibility)

2. Many partners try to train the other to be the fictional person they really wanted to be married to.

3. People think that, once they are married, all the other person's flaws will somehow magically disappear.

4. People who aren't happy people to begin with think that being married will make them suddenly happy and fulfilled.

5. People love and marry conditionally. They vow "till death do us part" without their hearts being in it. The part that they don't say out loud is "...as long as you make me happy."

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I think now days, people give up too easily. They don't have the drive to fight for the relationship, the culture says it is okay to throw all that spent emotional capital away.

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because the people in it aren't trained on how to succeed in a marriage

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Who is truly qualified to train people on the subject of marriage?

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No one knows, hence the perpetual problem of wanting to be married and not having the first clue as to how to maintain it, and stay true to yourself at the same time.

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Agreed. Lack of knowledge plays a huge role.

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Probably the individuals who failed. They best can see the reasons, if they're honest with themselves.

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1 More Response

easier to quit...

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Marriage.

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I think you're on to something, Gillers!

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Hi

I'm not a pie in the sky guy. Our marriage is strong for a number of reason. My bride of 36 years is my best friend. We have remain together through thick and thin. Some things to do to maintain and improve a marriage.

Stay a friend, keep communication open. A true friend loves you no matter what happens. I'm bipolar I put my wife through hell with my ups and downs. After several suicide attempts and a rehab (recovery program not a druggie) stint I started learning coping skills, and starting sharing some of my problems ( mine was rejection and abandonment ). The med's help however must tell the truth it was a life style change. My wife/friend in a letter while in recover told me she didn't want to hear I love you anymore as a condition. She wanted me to show me my love which is stronger than any (I love you). She also told me in the letter that their was more good in me than bad! Wow the woman still love me.

Now that I'm home, she is not without problems either. Still love her anyway, because is the dearest loving person in my life. Can't do without her. I don't put her on a throne either people. We just communicate back and forth without fighting... wonderful. Most of the time it is nothing more than a mind fame shift, each person brings to a relationship different perspectives. A couple must be receptive to each others problems. By showing you care the relationship improves along with everything else. I'm a lucky man to have her as my best friend

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marriage fails because good communication in there relation weren't there. They've said marriage is a long communication, which it should be!

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Communication...the lack of. We talk, but there are things we do not talk of. For the record, our marriage is strong...we just have a few weaknesses

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people get married for the wrong reason(s)

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Complacency, lack.of thirst for.knowledge. wanting to learn something new about your partner everyday. Self absorption and false entitlements, redeem and yield nothing...

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People forget why they married the person .when times get hard they want out .i belive marriage is worth fighting for .But it takes two .my husband divorceing me ,over a blow up we had .we have been together 11 years .one big fight and it's over .

I me I would do any thing to work throw this .he doesn't want to .Now he tells me he might regert this but he's doing it and will live with it .

People get so use to each other ,they for get to show each orther how much they do love each orther .it take two for the marriage to fall apart to .i have my part in this also .

Any way I will miss my husband and always love him .

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Most of you remember the shuttle Challenger blowing up. Almost all of us remember the shuttle Columbia breaking up during descent. Apparently the shuttles failed. NO THEY DID NOT. The SHUTTLES did not fail. The solid rocket boosters failed due to extraneous circumstances, and the foam on the external tank failed, fatally damaging each shuttle. When those two systems, totally discrete from the shuttle vehicle failed, sufficient safeguards had not been put in place to protect the vehicle and its occupants.



So it is in marriage. Marriages don't fail: People fail, fatally damaging the marriages in the process, unless sufficient safeguards have been put in place to protect their marriage.



Here's an anecdotal example: How many young ladies strive for being "beautiful," keeping their weight down, dressing nicely, keeping well-groomed for the purpose of catching a man? Once they marry, she's got him, and so, she no longer thinks it is necessary to keep looking good. Often, they don't even see the need to keep healthy! Thus they become morbidly obese, unable to help arrange furniture, unable to help with mundane things around the house that sometimes requires two people to accomplish--even sex. Some aspects of sex actually require both parties be in some sort of modicum of relatively decent health. No: not necessary. Get me off, then, I'll roll over and you can finish off yourself; I'm too tired, and it hurts to get on my knees, or lay on my back, or ... Get my drift?



However, I committed long ago, and won't break the commitment--regardless. And that is one of the safeguards: Commitment. Most people refuse to hold themselves to that standard.



Sigh...

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Your example is very one sided but I assume you're speaking from personal experience. Men let themselves go just as much as women. Also sometimes there's a lot more to it than your "She's got him theory".

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Marriages don't fail.

People fail

They fail in many many ways.



The marriage failure is downstream from the people failure



Read...

The internet is full of articles on relationship.

For example

http://advice.eharmony.com/relationships/breaking-up/nine-reasons-good-relationships-go-bad?cid=2091&aid=0810111

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We all keep evolving and you grow together or apart the latter usually when communication stops. Our bodies also change hormones or lack of etc things start raising their head that we didn't know about befor like bipolar etc. At the end of the day you can learn to choose your battles and stay or go it's choice and what u want in life when you young with young children and then when they out the home you make a choice again of how u want to live your life and be happy. No manuel with steps 1 to 12 strange as theres one for everything else in life same goes for children you just got to wing it.

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EGO AND PRIDE

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Because it's hard and most people will take the easy way when it's an option. And, it's always an option.

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