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My mom fell hook, line, and sinker.
laceset laceset 36-40, F 32 Answers Jan 15, 2012

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Some men will go out of their way to date a weak girl. This girl could have low self esteem, no car, no money, or maybe going through a break up/time of need. Men will target these girls and attract them by being the "good guy." Some men like to do this because they want this girl to become dependent on them. These men will build this girls confidence up just enough to make her feel good enough for him & only him. Men get this sense of security that the girl won't leave them because he came along and "saved them." They feel like they're in control of the relationship (which they usually are until she wakes up and realizes he's POS then leaves his ***) and men love having power. He will use this girl up maybe for sex or attention from his friends. In reality, these men are so much more weak, insecure, pathetic, & very unapreciative than the girl. They will find a way to keep this girl as close to them as possible & to weak & dependent on them to leave. These men will make sure they always have something to keep the girl around whether its money, sex, promising rewards, or pretending to be the backbone of the girls life. There's ALWAYS an ultimatum.

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To be honest, I don't know. I was just wondering why men would pay for prostitution if there is a chance that the prostitute is a victim of exploitation. There's a huge problem with human trafficking for sexual exploitation, and many powerful men play into that?! I guess some people have absolutely no conscious, no sense of responsability, guilt, or morals.

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It is so easy for them to do so. They are the "Wolf in sheeps clothing" they pretend to be kind and caring and rescue these weak and vulnerable women that most of the time have self esteem issues or don't have a good support unit like family or friends. I should know, it happened to me.

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right on...happened to me too.

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me three!

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Because it is so much easier to succeed that way. Strong women spot a predator quickly and move away. Vulnerable women attract predators.

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agree.. I think it makes them feel empowered...

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how do they do it? i keep getting sucked in and have no one to blame but myself!

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There are red flags to watch out for; a man who is too interested, too soon, who needs too much of your time, who starts early superimposing what he things on the woman, who believes in rigid male/female roles, who started to alienate a woman's friends and family (the better to control her), who is quick to anger and condemn, who cannot allow her any "space", who talks over her or changes what she said, who pooh-poohs her words, thoughts and actions, especially in front of other people, who tends to be secretive (they usually have a LOT to hide)... they try right away to change her, subtly sometimes, just to see how much a woman will let them get away with. Lots and lots of red flags. Disrespect, discourtesy, withholding affection, name-calling... tons of red flags.

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Good points! But he'll also set her up. He'll do things to get her upset such as blatantly flirting with other women, treat her with obvious disrepect, tell her she wants too much of his time when in fact he's setting her up. He'll tell her she doesn't trust him when he does everything to be untrustworthy but tell her it's in her head. But then he'll do things to make her think she's wrong by doing something she really likes to make her think she's wrong because he still wants to keep in "control" until he decides he's done with her. When he is finally done with her, he'll make it look to others like she's the one that's the cause of all the problems. He does this because he has a social image to keep up. Eventually when he tires of her and is done, he'll find another victim but always graduating to a higher challenge. Believe me, I have been there, a victim that is. I made it my business to find out the pathology of a man like this. You are absolutely correct when you say, he will try to change her in subtle ways to definitely see how much he can get away with and how much she'll put up with or change for him. These guys lie like its second nature and so much so that they have themselves convinced. There's many sites online that actually teach these guys how to "play" "prey" even better then what they are doing now to step up their "game". How sad and then we wonder why there is so much tragedies and suicides in the news!

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This is why women can't make excuses for men (he's just tired, hungry, doesn't feel well). I believe in the two-year rule... most people cannot keep up act for two years. their real self shows up. This is why those men push so hard for fast commitment which a vulnerable woman mistakes for a sign of great love -- it is the opposite. Real love is when a person cares as much for the happiness and well-being of another person as for themselves. Steam roller tactics are a tremendous red flag, calling for an immediate run... carefully, too, because men like that can turn i to stalkers, being unable to accept they have been rejected.

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All correct and its sad that we've all learned in the most difficult way possible. I believe these ppl have a very difficult time with rejection so in order not to ever be the victim, they instead victimize. Because this is not real love, they have no problem with walking away without looking back, once they've found a new challenge. There is no guilt nor responsibility. Beware of these red flags!

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Because they are weak and insecure themselves. If they are able to get the woman it somehow makes them feel in control. Men like this you will notice seldom hold any type of conversation and they dont like to answer questions. If you ask them any questions they will ignor you. Sad. Because the woman that they prey on are usually one of the nicer women. It is just that she may be experiencing something and lets down her guard and falls for idiots games. If he were smart (and we know he is NOT A SMART MAN IF HE IS PREYING ON WOMEN) he would realize the women he is mistreating is probably the one he should not be preying on. But then they realize this too late why? Because they are not too bright!

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Why do wolves take down the weakest animal in the herd?<br />
Some people are predators.

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Good point!

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True they are predators but it goes beyond that. Unlike the alpha wolf in the pack, these predators and players are actually very weak and insecure but come across the opposite. They look for the weak because in actuality they are very weak themselves and not in control and need a weak/vulnerable woman to control.

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Right. They are terrified of women who can "fight back", stand up for themselves and walk away

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Lots and lots of reasons, none of them good.<br />
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Insecurity, social pressures to 'get laid' and so going for easy targets, power issues, mental problems, depression and a need to lash out, alcohol or drug problems...<br />
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In a nutshell, men who prey on vulnerable - or ANY women are ****** up and taking out their own issues on someone else.

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My question is why do men blame women if they get hurt by the things they do and say the women has the key. she controls the door. But the man knew what he was getting into, not the women so why are we to blame. I will say that we are responsible for our actions. Why cant the believe they are accountable for theirs. I guess its something I will never understand!

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Read up on the MO or the game of the player/preyer. They rope the woman in with all the charms to get what he wants/needs but always with the intent that once he HAS her, he starts showing her his true colors. This is part of the "game". He'll set her up for failure and blame her for the games he's in fact playing and everything else. He'll knock her down mentally, emotionally and physically. She can't win with a man like this. This realy needs to be put in the DSM as a diagnosis if it isn't already.

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They never dare with a strong woman or other man. More easy because they are cowardly and frustrated !

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Exactly. It is the same reason they prey on very young girls.

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Cowardly IS the word! They can't face their own truth as to why they are so insecure and powerless.

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Because it is easy! Hardly a challenge when a woman is weak & insecure.

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Vulnerability appeals to the predator (or caretaker) within.

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The same mentality as the person who steals from someone who seems weak or defenseless---a way to get what he wants without having to pay a price for it.

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the obvious - they think they can get laid without much effort, thinking the woman will take it as comfort...sorry but i think that is the truth

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Why? Well its so obvious to me. Preyers aka pla<x>yers are probably the MOST damaged fearful and insecure of all men. They hide behind a carefully constructed facade that is well rehearsed and practiced over time. They most likely feel extremely powerless and completely insecure yet they come across as the opposite. They DO NOT want anyone to find them out and in order to feel good or even a little better about themselves they have the need to find women who are weakened and vulnerable to allow them to feel the control they lack over their own life. Whatever caused them to be like this probably has something to do with something that occured in their life when they felt vicitimized themselves. They have a need to rewrite their life on a subconscious level but to do so they go for whomever is the weakest. What is that saying, hurting ppl hurt others? Unfortuantely they really screw up the women they play and probably for life. their playing with fire. They seem to have no conscience and seem to get a deep personal satisfaction and maybe a relief. These ppl arent to be taken lightly..what they do is NO joke! they wreck already vulnerable women which could end in disaster and many seem to fit the desc<x>ription of narcissist(google it). Their profile is most Often very charismatic, charming, funny , socially popular and good looking. They can pick out vulnerable women from miles away and know where to go. Some are even in church because what better place to prey? WATCH OUT!! These are wolves in sheeps clothing!!

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There are many reasons. In this game we call life we have predators and we have prey. Believe it or not these two groups are co dependent upon one another. The predator lurks for the easiest (most VUNERABLE) prey. Human predators hunt mainly for sport while animal predators hunt out of pure necessity. The issue with this is that once you find out you have been preyed upon the damage has already been done. its not important to know why some men prey upon women because all predators have their own unique reasons they prey upon the weak. I will say this, although weak and vunerable women are looked at with pity, they are usually the most loving and beautiful women because they know how to COMPROMISE AND PUT OTHERS FIRST. They are actually ideal wives that usually dont end up lonely and miserable, especially if they are clingy.

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Moral of the story just don't have sex

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Truth! Even if your married your man could be a douch so what then smh

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Because they are not strong enough themselves to handle a strong woman. There have been men who tried to prey on me when they thought I seemed vulnerable but when I surprised them with a show of anger or strength they would cower and hide.

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so they can have sex

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USERS

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Because we don't like a challenge.

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That's a lie men go after women who are a challenge too. the are equal opportunity destroyers lol. Especially if that girl looks like shes hard to get!

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My daughter falls for men like this over and over. Drugs, sex, and her low self esteem come into play in these bad choices in men. She spends thousands on these men. Her latest is a 36 year old man, she's 24, who's on probation for assault and drug dealing. He's on the Minneapolis "Watch List" for dealing drugs, has no job, no home and I believe no car. My daughter thinks he's so nice and of course he benefits from having a girl who can pay for his hotels, vacations, drugs and whatever else she buys him. I also found out he's taken advantage of many a young woman prior to my daughter. Always saying how much he loves them, etc. He has it down to a science and by preying on women like my daughter they get a free ride, free drugs, free hotels, free vacations and unlimited sex. She fails to see through his deception and see this horrible relationship for what it really is. She even denies to her friends and family what she spends to cover for him. Bottom Line: He's there for sex and money. Her family and her friends recognize it and her pattern for choosing these kind of men. <br />
On top of it, my daughter has a 3 year old that I fear will become this man's prey should she ever move out with him. I wish to God there was a way to make her see how detrimental her choices are, not only for herself but for her daughter. It's to the point that I don't care what she does with her life, but to involve her little girl with these losers, lowlifes, and leeches is unforgivable. My hope is that she'll someday think enough of herself to date a man that has a job, a career, and a future, that can take care of her and her daughter, who doesn't use drugs, who appreciates her and doesn't take advantage of her, but unfortunately she seems to fall in the category of vulnerable women who attract these awful men who can offer her nothing. <br />
Any suggestions out there? I'm lost for what to do. And at this point I just want to protect my granddaughter.

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Mnmuzic, you are very correct to be worried for your 3-yr old grand-daughter, as your daughter is (sadly) unable to distinguish what is good for herself. I'm not an expert in this area, but perhaps you (possibly with help of other family members) can file for custody of your grand-daughter or contact CPS to find out what needs to happen for them to take action BEFORE something unthinkable happens. Maybe you can work with a therapist to arrange a confronting of your daughter by concerned friends and relatives. God bless, you are obviously a good grandmother to be concerned!

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Try to educate her about the MO of this type of man. This preyer aka player has her brainwashed because THAT is what they do. She's too close to the subject to see it for what it is. She's young enough to still get out of it without lasting damage but she needs help now. Whatever you have to do to get her out of this relationship without you looking like the bad mom, you have to do. Maybe there needs to be someone (another guy) who is willing to get into the middle of it to show your daughter what normal is, if you know what I mean. I'd suggest counseling but highly doubt she'll agree to that. I really hope you can find a way and good luck to you!

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