My mother is the same way. I'm 26, turning 27 next week and was laid off and had to move back in with my parents. I now work, but only part time. Before my lay off I was a full time teacher assistant for three years. She bullies me,my brother, my dad, but I'm her main target. I'm trying to get out of the house ASAP. It's everyday at about the same time she starts to bully me and it can be about the dumbest thing then from what she starts screaming at me about turns into something else that had nothing to do with what she was originally attacking me for. My dad has tried talking to her. Idk what her problem is, but it seems like she takes pride in it.I'm going to move in wth my boyfriend soon b/c I've had enough.
Yes, she is a bully. I have the same type of mother. It was usually mental abuse but sometimes physical and it would alternate between me or my father receiving it. I was 30 years old when she slapped me for saying something trivial and I pushed her back. I'm a pacifist and it hurt me to have to do it, but from then on she's never laid a hand on me again. I only wish I'd have stood up to her earlier. Don't let a bully hurt you. It is your right. Incidentally, living away from home gives me the upper hand now because if she verbally abuses me, which she still tries from time to time I cut her out of my life for a while.
Its about control and maybe that kid is the tough one to control-Good for the kid. Bullies are cowards- they take the paths of least resistance- and think their children should fall into that category. When they meet with resistance they retreat except with their kids-because their mental image of the kid is one of weakness as kids are perceived as weaker usually.They then don't understand why this kid does not just buckle under pressure-and ramp up the pressure(control,bullying). With anyone else- they would just back down!<br />
I should know- I was that kid.
moms would do anything for there kids
sometimes parents don't know how to show love towards their children . i have same expercince she never show me her love and never share anything with me , when she seeS me she just SHOW NO LOVE AND CARE DO'NT WHY.
guess the same reason they tell you the wish you had died and the twin lived as they wants a girl
Smithlec is very wise - Darkice123, as well. <br />
And it is a little-known fact that there is an irreparable, tragic glitch in Earth's program that causes infertility in wonderful people and poppin'-'em-out-itis in those ill-prepared and unfit to be parents.
Some parents did not have the nurtureing when they were growing up and they have fear inside of them of getting hurt themself.I can't help that they carry resentment.If you could understand,and bring armfulls of love back to her I believe she would love it and come around.You could help heal her from the past.It's not your fault, giving this a try could change both of your lives and bring more love then you have ever had befor and God's smile will be upon you!
I agree with the nurturing aspect, however a bully looks for weakness which unfortunately love can be mistaken for.
we are all dealing wth demons from the past, some of us are aware of our faults and can manage our own behavior, some who are not aware a like a bull in china shop, mother / fathers very easily pass on there own personal dilemas, it is sad to witness, however it can be a blessing to the recipient to move forward and leave the nest, and let there own biology take form, it is great to have supportive parents but its greater to rise and succeceed on your own merits, hard, but long term you do find your self, where people that are tied to there parents may neverr know if there sucees was theres or there parents .
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Its one thing to have your own biological mother bullied one child (me) but seem to encourage the other 4 of her children to join in on the bullied. Even when I fought back both the slight sexual abuse and the non ceasing mental abuse. I am a outcaste subject to all abuse from sister, brothers and their own kids. Also, a social outcaste thanks to family.
For so many years my mother from hell would start fights with me and then tell others how bad I was to her. Building enemies against me. I was bullied in school then come home to the same situation, never getting relief. When I was younger I tried to kill myself by taking my step fathers blood pressure meds. Got sick for days from it but I lived. I was even told I should die cause no one loves me. The only parent that loved me died in my early teen years.... atleast she and the rest cannot mistreat or use him anymore. I often wonder why I was spared to continue to live with being a social outcaste. But now I must live for the sake of my kids. and not to satisfied narcissist cruel former family.
When the ***** was in the hospital dying, I did not show up at the hospital. I showed up at the funeral home just to think if I had the chance to humilate her corpse. For I hated for what she did to me and the cruel legacy that I had endured and continue to be humilated from those that knew her and the others.
I had dreamed that I was passing a church and heard screaming souls from a flickering flame from the basement. At the door a man said their was one soul that I could save..... Would I save my mother? No I would not.... for the suffering at her hands and legacy I have no compassion or willingness to save. So I am sure my mother who proclaimed to been God fearing christain is doomed to Hell.
So when she died I am sure that the Gates to heaven slammed shut on her face and the pit to hell opened up and welcome her to HELL.
bullying is power based, anger based and role-modeled you cant change someone but you can stop the cycle.
Also wanted to point out, a lot of women from the last generation (and probably even some in this generation) have to grow up with this constant undertone in the media and with society that they "could not" do the same thing a man could, and that they had to have a certain kind of passive femininity, otherwise no man would marry them, and that they had to get married. And that they would have to put up with the man's flaws, all his flaws, at all costs, under all circumstances, even if he was a dullard, lazy, or abusive; and that it was the woman's duty to keep the husband content, often at her own expense, and this was the epitome of womanhood.
So! Maybe your mom is jealous that you're a nurse, that you have a career that you enjoy, that you're single.
But I feel like women that grew up in the previous generation and bought into these gender roles, they felt at a loss of power, and so they gained power in the only way that adhered to their standard of femininity, which was to be manipulative, or catty.
And it's unfortunate because then a catty woman became something "that girls just do" and it because acceptable, as acceptable as for men to be belligerent, because men are just aggressive and violent. So then the gender roles in a way created equality with an acceptance of poor character as neutral and commonplace.
I have a mother who screams to get what she wants, pretty much screaming all the time even even though me and my brother have been trained to just jump when she enters the room. I used to be exceptionally obedient, and even my parents remarked that they just wanted me to go back to being that compliant child, no joke, that's what they said. When I was about 21 or 22, I finally stood there, and said no in a small voice, and explained to her why her command didn't make sense. My dad stood up and shoved me into the corner, and said, "you made me do this because you don't respect me enough," and my mom was behind him, her fist in the air, and a wild unblinking stare on her face. I have been shoved around many times by my dad, when my mom is around, and I stand up to her with my "no." She is very used to getting what she wants by screaming! My dad is an enabler. They have bullied me, shoved me into corners so many times, sometimes for forty-five minutes, literally screaming at me, until I give in; then they back off and it genuinely is like nothing had happened. My dad has also molested me, right in front of my mother, and at that time she turned away and pretended it wasn't happening. This is why I learned how to fight, I'm now a blue belt in Krav Maga. It does not stop my mom from trying to scream to get what she wants, even though I made it clear to her that I learned how to fight because of the abuses. But now, dad does not follow through, and even though I have never acted aggressively towards them, they cower and whine and act as if I'm bullying them when I simply say no. I figured out a while ago that they're narcissists.
It's not specifically a characteristic of mothers, but of people of poor character, that scream and manipulate to get others to do what they want. If you research narcissistic personality disorder, most sites will tell you it's a power thing, that they desire to dominate, and don't really consider you human, and do not empathise.
If your mom's not a narcissist, you might try sitting down with her and explaining to her that she is exhibiting poor character, specifically that it is child-like to manipulate, whine, and bully to get people to do things, and that you will no longer comply on the basis of fear. Then, follow through. You must follow through, otherwise you're going to give her more power. There will be consequences to denying her, but do not give in. You neither have to stand there and take physical abuse, or verbal, or emotional, or sexual. Learn to escape or to fight.
If she responds with anything resembling, "well, what am I supposed to do?" Then try giving her an example of what she could do instead. Tell her that you expect more from a mother, that a mother should not be child-like.
My mom, this doesn't work. For narcissists, it doesn't work. My mom had told me, "I just don't know what you want!" and I told her, "I know, that's why I'm telling you right now. I want emotional support and I want you to stop taking your anger out on me." She replied with, (no joke) "I just don't know what you want from me!" and I replied with, "I know, that's why I'm telling you right now. I want emotional support and--" she said, "I don't know what you want from me!" I swear to ******* God, this went on five times. Five ******* times. A narcissist is incommunicable.
Another example of her bullying was at her father's funeral, she chased me around the now empty church and spat and hissed at me, "YOU STINK!" And she had that same wide-eyed unblinking stare. Part of the problem was that (even though I attempted to walk away and tell her to stop, it was as if she was in a trance and she chased me around) I put up with her behavior because I genuinely felt, because of my religious beliefs, that rebelliousness led to a poor life, and a poor afterlife. She would get into these trances from time to time, and when I was young she would grab me and not allow me to get away until I cried. She'd also pry about my life, and try to get me to cry, the way she'd harass and mock me, and she'd only stop once she got a reaction, and she'd do it with a barely-noticeable smirk. I'm not lying about any of this. It all seems like movie-worthy stuff, but it's all real. Anyone who's had narcissistic parents know, they're ****** up humans.
Bullies in general bully for a sense of power and control, because they lack it internally. It comes from being bullied one's self, and if the community allows or even sometimes endorses abuse to continue, it goes down generations and becomes sacred as tradition or culture. You see those videos of girls getting their heads shaved or being beaten (not spanked or swatted, but BEATEN) for breaking rules such as wearing a skirt that's too short; people PRIDE themselves in that, call it culture, and call you discriminatory for decrying their culture.