I have a pattern of emotionally abusive relationships. I don't consciously go looking for emotional abuse, but I somehow always find a way to end up in that position. I think a lot of it stems from how you are raised. I was raised in an emotionally and physically abusive environment - I don't know what to do with a guy who is "normal" - it kind of freaks me out in a way and I push and push him until I get a reaction. As soon as I get that reaction I feel secure and assured that all is as I'd thought. I know that sounds twisted.
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Story of my life there. :) It's not about fun it's about familiarity (and it really kinda sucks).
I can't imagine any kind of abuse feeling good.
An emotionally abusive father can cause a lifetime of finding abusive partners.
I fully agree - I'm a walking testament to that x x x
Me too ... I wish you the best!
Well my mom was the dominant one, my dad never even raised his voice very often, yet I'm in an emotionaly abusive relationship. So now what's your theory?
Mother's can do just as much harm!
I'm sure it stems more from how they were raised, how they're used to being treated. Some may feel they deserve that sort of treatment. I don't think they really get an emotional high from it. Some might, but I doubt it.
i doubt it...more like no male figure or a bad male figure while growin up
Often times it is because it reminds them of a past relationship, most likely with a parent. They could not fix that relationship so they create a new one and try to fix it.
Sometimes it's because the woman feels like she can "fix" it. Like if she does just the right things, and says just the right things, she will singlehandedly fix the relationship and everything will be fine. I know I felt like that for a long time...convinced that I could make everything be okay if I tried hard enough. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes years to understand that you can't fix someone else.
I think it's quite complicated and has multiple factors. Most women who were raised in abusive environments lack assertiveness and self-esteem attracting these types of men! Also, abuse is familiar to them and feels normal. There is a certain high later on with the make-up part. A lot of emotionally abusive men can be charming and manipulative. They are controlling and know how to make a woman feel on top of the world when he wants to. But he will blame her for all the relationship problems and his anger issues. Women sometimes stay because they think that they won't find better, that they don't deserve better or just because they are so conditioned to it. Most of these women have poor boundaries. A lot will cover up for their abusers and are in denial.
no we don't i just left a relationship where i was emotionally abused its just so hard to let go of the person that you love they manipulate you into thinking they will change
Some women had abusive fathers, mothers, or childhoods. It's a learned way of relating to people. They don't know any other way to be, they can't appreciate genuine love, because it might not "feel good" to be shown anything other than abuse. I speak from my experience, it's a long road to recovery that takes a lot of self awareness. Some people can't look within to figure out why they react, behave, or relate the way they do, because it's too painful to realize they have chosen these experiences for themselves. It's just easier to blame the partner, the circumstance, or life. We're all responsible for what we're willing to put up with. Hope this helps!
That is not the reason. Women get conditioned to abuse because of entitlement and self worth issues. They may think they may not deserve better. Other times, if they have been abused since childhood they don't see that it';s abuse.
Don't be judgmental, it's not fair.
It can seem familiar...and, in that sense, comfortable. Back in 1965 I lived with an abusive man. When he hit me one night, I left him and ran home to my mother. I told her what was happening in my life and she jumped up from the couch and hit me. Just then the phone rang. She answered it and it was my very angry abusive boyfriend and she gave him her address as I sat in a chair and cried buckets over her betrayal, wondering how she could do this. She blocked the door, wouldn't let me go, and she handed me right to him shutting her door as he dragged me down the stairs. All the way "home" he laughed at me as I wept, slapping me across the face every time he hit the brakes at a stop sign. He said, "You're no better than an orphan--your own mother doesn't care about you!" And he laughed and laughed.
That's why it took me until 1966 to finally have the guts to run away and stay away. He threatened to kill me but I ran.
I guess you can see that, with my background, telling the difference between abuse and what most call a normal life was a real challenge.
I do not think this is a gender issue so much as a role issue. If a person is victimised then it is a role they may get stuck in. Can happen to a man as well as a woman. In family therapy there is a concept of a person being the family emotional dustbin which then acts as a dysfunctional support for the other family members giving a certain power to the person they abuse. In dysfunctional social groups all become dysfunctional even the abused.
A lot of emotionally abused women aren't addicted to the feeling, but many of them are convinced that they deserve the abuse. Much of the time, women in abusive relationships have men who tell them that they deserve to be abused, and, having been in the situation for so long, they begin to believe it. The brunt of the responsibility for women being in that position is due to the men that have confined them to abusive relationships. Especially women who need confirmation and affection regardless of their "faults." Often times, the man will tell them "you are lucky that I stick around because you (insert insult here)." It's not a great situation to be in and with a little care from others, those women can become accustomed to a new type of lifestyle. A few even get fed up eventually and find ways to deal with it on their own.