Resolved Question

My experience with it is that depression is, by its own definition, difficult to understand. Coupled together with the fact that medical technology in this field is still at the level of chemical analysis (such as balancing chemical equations without being able to actually see the atoms at work) and not to a point where it can actually measure the quantity of the components in the brain that the drugs are designed to manipulate, there isn't a lot of 'solidness' that can be given to the definition of depression. This is further complicated by the complexities of the human brain, in general.

We (at least us in the US - this probably goes for other parts of the world, but I can't speak to whether it really does or not) -- are very much a 'I'll believe it when I see it', kind of society, and the only thing that can be 'seen' of depression right now are its symptoms. And the symptoms themselves are far-reaching, complex, and scary.

Society frowns upon people with depression because it frowns on things it doesn't understand, and those people happen to represent something that can't be understood. Depression can be scary. No one ever wants to think that it could happen to them, and thus, no one really wants to learn about it. And even when one does, as happens when a loved one falls under its blanket, what kind of information do they have at its disposal? Basically something that amounts to 'Depression has been clinically proven to be a wide spread ailment, but the cause and effects are not fully understood. Your best case option is to speand a lot of money, meeting with a psychiatrist that will prescribe medications that will make it difficult for you to tell exactly what you are feeling, and a psychologist / psychotherapist that will try to understand what you are feeling through the adjustments of the medication. If you are lucky, there will be people before you that the medication 'worked' for, and they will be able to set you up with some kind of cocktail that will mostly make things better, rather than worse. If you are unlucky, you will be among that small percentage that no reasonable drug combination works for, and in that case, there is shock-therapy, which may carry rather longterm lethal ramifications. (As far as I know, it's not known whether or not it does.)

It's not a pretty picture. Nor is it an easy picture to digest. And then there are cases, like me, that turn everything we know about depression on its side:

I was rather morbidly depressed for a period of ten years. Finally, my spouse decided she couldn't handle living with me any longer, and filed for a divorce. In a (rather) blind panic concerning my survival, I quit every medication that I had and joined a church hoping for a miracle. At the time it happened, I was (sometimes) working 10-15 hours a week, and just couldn't stand being out in public at all.

I now work a 40 hour a week job and a contracting job on the side. I attend public events in order to socialize and meet new people. Life has never been better for me. I give little thought to depression because I just don't have dark spells like I used to. I think some would term my experience 'situational depression' thinking that the marriage just wasn't working out for me. Some might be tempted to attribute my recovery to seeking faith. I'm sure others might even swear that I never had 'real' depression.

... but therein lies the rub: What makes depression 'real' depression versus something less deserving of attention? For 10 years, it was the most solid barrier in my life. Now, I have difficulty conceiving what it used to be like. Even if we conceive that yes, my depression must have been real, what does it mean to the medical community that I just up and recovered, dramatically and suddenly, without the aid of medication? Does it mean that we should dramatically alter our lives at a time when we are so downtrodden as to believe that there is no way we could ever possibly survive in the harsh real world? Not particularly. As I understand it, I'm an anomoly. None of my experience is particularly beneficial to anyone else that currently suffers.

Understand that I am not advocating going against doctors' orders and not taking prescribed medication. That's not even how I did it. The way it worked out for me, I told my doctor that I was losing the ability to pay for medication, so I needed to come off of it in a stable manner, and he worked me off of the dosages I was on. I am not saying that depression is not a serious condition. It most certainly is. I'm not advocating joining random churches looking for faith healing.

I'm just a guy that was depressed, that isn't any longer, making a report on how it happened for him. As I understand it, those that were officially diagnosed with the disease are assumed to never be without it. But one thing I learned during this experience is that the mind is a powerful influence on mood, so I will be seeding the thought that I am cured, in favor of the thought that I am currently just not experiencing it, because I have much more to gain from the former thought than the latter.

One thing is certain, to me now, however. I learned more about depression than I ever wanted to know.