The things we go through is what makes us who we are. Try to find something positive in everything you do. You may not understand right now but later in life it will make sense to you. Good luck! Hope things get better!
Redemption is possible. I've gotten a million second -chances. It sounds a little from your question that you may be causing some of your own problems. So stop. Life is hard enough without being self-destructive. Don't worry, you don't need to create your own problems. Life will do that enough without adding your own problems yourself. Look on the bright side. You are not in jail, you might have your health, and if you have access to a computer you can't be too bad off.
Maybe because your mother died in that fiery, Parisian car crash when you were so young??
well all you can do is learn from it, I feel like that sometimes too