Resolved Question

i love him and he says he loves me but then why would he gos and says he feels like ive got him on a leash and then say actually its not you whos making me feel like this, ive made myself feel like this by always doing what you ask. please help me out here im so stuck on this one

I agree with the prior post. He likely has low self esteem.

I am a woman who used to date men who made me feel worthless. Then I came to a sudden realization that changed my dating life forever. I asked the last boyfriend who did this to me, "Are you trying to make me feel BAD so that I feel OK about going out with you?" Seriously, I said this. Silence. Then we had an ugly breakup but one for which I will forever be grateful.

I realized that men who perceive themselves to be "lower" in status than the woman will frequently put her down in order to attain or maintain the "dominant" position in the relationship. Men would like to be just a little bit taller and smarter than their women. And when they cannot be, they will "cut you down"...

So, what to do? (1) If you love him and want to stay, tell him all the things you like/love about him so that he sees that you respect him, notice his talents, believe he is handsome/sexy.......... If that doesn't work or if you suspect you shouldn't be with him, that it won't be a successful "match" then: (2) Draw a vertical line on a sheet of paper. List all of your positive and negative assets/traits (physical, intellectual, job/salary, education, friends, family background and personality as summed by 2-3 adjectives) on the right side of the sheet of paper. On the left side, list his traits/assets in those same categories. Be sure to list his traits in that area on the same line as your traits so that you can do a LINE BY LINE COMPARISON. If he consistently gets lower marks than you in every category, if you two are not exchanging stregnths (e.g. he's smarter, you're prettier is fine b/c the mating game is sometimes about "trading" assets), then he will likely put you down in order to maintain control over you. He wants the relationship but he doesn't want you to leave him, challenge him or the relationship "serves" his practical needs (cleaning, cooking) while he gets his love/romance elsewhere.

Good luck to you. I'm not a psychiatrist. Just a woman in her early 30s.