It's about respect. I am a guy and I wouldn't do that to my girl, ever. If a guy blatantly checks out a girl in front of you, he's prioritizing his needs first and not caring if it offends/hurts you. That's a bad sign right there. The chances are, he's gonna be a selfish **** in all other areas as well. If I am not with my girl, I might take an opportunity to appreciate another attractive girl (from a far) more so than if I was with my girl next to me as all human should when you see a very attractive person, male or female. I am just saying, my priority will always be my girl and no other girl can change that. If your guy's behavior ticks you off this way...it's a clear indication that the connection bet the two of you is not there. Maybe it's the age thing...I am 36 and as I get older...I realize no amount of hot girls can ever replace the sweetness of my girl. It's about respect and connection. It becomes less and less about if some girl has a hotter ***. Find yourselves a good man ladies.
You couldn't have said it better.
The fact still remains that you also look because you said that no amount of hot girls. Even the thought that they are hot, is a clear indication that you've looked and thought.
This is what my ex and i are going through as well. She broke up with me because she says she catches me looking at other girls. I get ridiculously confused when she does accuse me because I couldn't recall an instance when I really checked out a girl or even if a girl looked nice that day. I told her I wish she would tell me on the spot because then she'd have a genuine response from me which I'm confident is something she'd like because she'd learn that I'm really not checking girls out.
I had a nightmare just a few minutes ago where she caught me looking at a group of identical looking girls wearing the same schoolgirl cosplay outfit and then stormed out of the room. I realized I really wasn't gawking at them. It was just that, in a place, something would always catch your eye. A nice car, a boy tripping on his shoe laces, a guy being held up, or (hopefully not but) a girl. And I noticed this with me. When I'm in a mall, I look at everything. And with good reason as well. My dad always told me to be alert and always observe my surroundings.
When she does accuse me, she does it way after she saw me. Like maybe a few weeks after or a day or hours. And I'm the guy who forgets a lot of things. I admitted to one time I when i saw a nice pair of glasses on one girl and I apologized to her. But everything else is a blur. I really can't believe it when she tells me I always check out girls cause I'm a hopeless romantic. Holding hands, playing the guitar, giving her flowers, and opening doors for her are my thing. I even carry her on my back in public. And hug her in public and kiss her in public.
I really need help... she hates me but I want her back... I love her not because of anything else aside from her being her.
Bless you, you sound like a really sweet guy and need to find yourself someone who is not so jealous. Storming out the room and stuff, she obviously has a jealousy problem that is out of control and probably needs some counselling to help with this issue. I say this as I am a very jealous person and sometimes I think my partner is looking at other women and may be attracted to them but he is such a devoted partner and so loving towards me that I would never make his life a misery over it and keep my jealousy in check. Also, I notice occasionally when a man is attractive and think 'he is nice looking' but it's just a thought and means nothing compared to what I have with my man. After being with someone who was abusive for several years I know how lucky I am to have my partner. My ex constantly accused me of looking at other men and all I was doing was glancing round the room observing life. I understand this has probably rubbed off on me a bit and may contribute to my own jealousy problem. It's just a shame your ex doesn't understand the value of what she had with you cos' you sound lovely.
Because he's an idiot and doesn't fully appreciate what he already has. I'm dealing with exactly the same issue. I'm so turned off by this and I don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore. I'm having second thoughts because this is the ultimate deal breaker for me. Soon enough, it will be a "bye-bye time". Whoever is capable of doing that to you, doesn't deserve you and your love. Same goes for me and this idiot that I wasted my 2 years with...
Make sure that is what you want to do before you reject him. I can tell you don't agree with what I said, and that is your right. At the same time, realize that you put appreciable effort into looking good, and even though you are "his" currently, you like to be appreciated. Chances are very good that your boyfriend's looks at other women are no more than appreciation with a tincture of lust, rather than full throated lust. The only way a girl can come to appreciate the way it is for guys is not through looking...girls don't look like guys do. It would be by agreeing to giving up flattering clothes and makeup. You would stop having your hair done professionally. You would settle into a plain existence. Is that what you want? Never again an appreciative glance in your direction?
You are smart. Me too. 2 1/2 years wasting on another jerk. Leave him. It only gets worse. I will when I have the money to move out. I can't wait. I am even getting ill from it. And I don't love him anymore. How can a woman truly love a man that does this? They cannot. And if women do it and believe it is okay then they both deserve each other.
The same for me and I feel like crying every time it happens. He won't stop denying it and calling me paranoid.
Oh my god I feel you! It gets me so upset, he does stupid little things to turn around to look at an *** and thinks I don't notice. Sometimes I wish I hadn't moved in with him, but now I'm carrying a baby, which I unconsciously love already, but it got tougher on me!
okay i hate when people say it's what all guys do that is just a excuse he needs to be dropped because if he checks girls out right in front of you there is no telling what he is doing behind you back.he has no respect for you at all.
I think this all comes down to a lack of respect. If you have told him how much his flirting bothers you and he continues to do it then he is showing blatant disregard to your feelings and you deserve to be treated so much better.
Yup. Mine does this too. Unfortunately I live with him. Sooo I am stuck at the moment due to money. BUT I tell you....men that do this to a woman that actually cares and loves them are fools. I have just slowly fallen out of love. I am faithful and STILL don't look at other guys because I am devastated and need time to heal. Personally I am tired of being treated this way by so many men and refuse to believe that this is a legit excuse for all men. It's not. They will lose someone REALLY hard to find again. They are losers and liars and cheaters. PERIOD. I will mention too that I am not ugly. I am very attractive. Looks have nothing to do with this. I get pissed when men are with a woman and they look at me. I give them the look of death. It is disrespectful and they are gross (I can't say human beings) pigs.
Kudos to u sister! Those men ought to be slapped
I think its ironic u say you're staying with a guy solely for money reasons and then you are judging him for looking at other women. You're relating to his money over him as an individual. How do u think this makes him feel?
I agree that men shouldn't be staring at other women when we are in committed relationships. But I would have appreciated it if my ex would call my attention when she thinks I'm looking so that we can figure out if indeed I was staring or it just so happened that she saw my head in the same direction of where a girl passed by.
She said she is stuck due to money. I think she meant that she couldn't afford to move out, not that she was staying with him for the money.
Are you serious not all women want men to look at them it actually creeps me out when I see some weird googly eyed man who can't pay attention to his own task at hand. I'm sorry I was raised by people who have taste and as a child I was told it was rude to stare at others period! I'm sorry the world has changed since the 1970s .
I think its ok for a man or woman to look at a attractive man or woman when they see one. But some people go to the extent of making it noticeable and I think thats where the problem falls. Its a difference when you look at someone versus making it noticeable for everyone to see what your looking at, especially when your with someone at that time. It makes that person feel like ****. If your seroius about a person you act as if you only have eyes for that person, even if you do look at someone else attractive you dont need to make it so noticeable. Theres levels of respect there. One time me and my ex was at tha mall and I was going shopping for him and myself for the holidays and we was walking and stopped at a booth in the middle of the mall because a lady was trying to sell me something. Well my boyfriends was standing next to me and then I looked and he was standing behind me smiling and checking out the girl at the booth next to us. It pissed me off just for the fact that they both was looking at eachother. So after we walked off I immediatly cussed him out and told him lets go and I wasnt buying hime anything. Probley wasnt the best solution, but sometimes men need to grow up and appreciate what they got.
The same happen to me
My boyfriend does exact same thing! Soon as I look at him and notice him starring at anther girl (which he does over 20 times a day) he quickly looks away. Of course i get down and upset, and thats when he tries to claim that he was not looking at her ( yeah right! his eyes are glued to her *** and legs for 40 seconds...), he also tries to say: I noticed her but thats all. After which he says: I wasn't checking her out. (Come on, I'm not a full blown idiot! Of course i know what it looks like when someone is checking someone out!) Then he says: Baby, there was nothing to look at anyways. When that doesn't work for him, next thing he says: I didn't even see anybody there! LOL God only knows how many lies he can make up in 5 minutes, and than 5 minutes later he is looking at another girl. <br />
I think he started to get the point when i told him that as long as he looks, i will look too, for a new boyfriend. :)
Oh and did i mention, I have to keep my head down,(and honestly i don't care to check guys out if i got the one i want) knowing that if I ever accidentally glance at somebody for no particular reason, he will get so angry that his face will turn red, after which i will have a line of questions about what just happen, and while i will be answering the questions he will be nearly in tears due to the fact that he thought i was interested or attracted to that person......wtf???!?
Sounds like you are dating a pathetic, weak-minded and insecure guy. Was does that say about you?
Wow men are something else
WOW. I have rarely seen such an abundance of foolishness in answer to a question. I cannot believe that so many women are so poorly schooled in the realities of life. Whether you like it or not, the experience of being male is totally different than the experience of being female. You may want to gain some perspective by reading "When Mars and Venus Collide" by John Gray (who also wrote "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus." The amazing thing is, when men respond to the world in ways that females think they want us to, females lose interest rapidly. <br />
Here is the fact. Men are visual. Young men have not learned the skill of masking their glances at the other women in their world, and some men can never quite master it. Girls if you find a guy who does not occasionally turn his head when another attractive (by his standards) lady walks by, then you may want to run rather than to walk the other way, because chances are he is gay. That means he will make a great friend and shopping companion but his interest in you as a woman will diminish rapidly. Any woman who believes that a heterosexual male does not look, either when with you or apart from you is self-deceived. Men look. Women spend money and time to be the ones we look at. Get over it and make sure you are not as foolish as the asker of this question. How dare she waste an evening of her man's time because he did something male. He looked at another girl. He didn't touch her. He didn't say "I want some of that." He looked. Boo hoo. It is time to grow up. How much do you spend on clothes, makeup, shoes, hair, accessories? Why? So guys will<br />
I had to learn how to look as a young man. Back when i was dating my wife there was a restaurant that was one of the first to feature waitresses in what were then called "hot pants". The tops were close fitting and a girl had to be hot to work there. Back in the mid 70s they did not have as many sexual discrimination rules, which meant that in some places the management had the discretion to only hire hot girls to be waitresses. My then girlfriend was upset because I could not take my eyes off the waitress and expressed the concern that I would rather be with the waitress. I told her she was out of her mind. She said she felt disrespected. That she was not hot enough. I told her that had nothing to do with it. I told her that men are designed to respond to the female body. It is the way in. We don't want to sleep with every girl we see who makes our head turn. We just like to look. <br />
The world is built around that. You don't see many ugly newscasters. You don't see fat and unatttractive women used to sell expensive sportscars. You don't see unattractive women as cheerleaders motivating the team to maximum performance. Men are visual. Women work to make us look at them. The world is a wonderful place unless you are one of the lazy girls who does not care enough about herself or her man to l
you can be visual as much as you want, that doesn't mean you have an excuse to check out other females when you're in a relationship with somebody you claim to love. Get a ******* grip. You're useless; thank god I'm not dating your sexistic ***.
he's useless lmao sayin it like u know him.
If you are going to be so harsh in your assessment of what males are worth the trouble, you had best make sure you are keeping yourself worth the trouble as well. Relationships fail because people cannot be authentic. That becomes a problem very early on. Honestly, I think the idea that your guy should not notice other girls reflects an unhealthy level of narcissism. Did you see what I said about learning to be discrete in looking? That is the very best you can hope for. The funny thing is, I would almost be willing to wager that you don't keep yourself all that nicely for your guy. I wonder if you dress to bring him visual pleasure or if you so take him for granted that you don't feel you have to bother. I wonder what you do to make your guy glad he is a guy and that you are his girl. I also wonder what is the longest relationship you have been able to sustain with a guy (real relationship, not just friendship).
frickin thank you, i made an account just to thank you.
That's nice of you. I think there is a real problem with women not understanding men, and sometimes not really understanding themselves. Men and women are visual, but it is different for the genders. I watched a movie called "ex-girlfriends" and one of the complaints was how much guys lie to their girlfriends. Girls lie too, but that gets overlooked or blamed on guys for deserving to be lied to. In truth girls make it nearly impossible to tell the truth much of the time, because guys have to meet this romantic ideal or face rejection. Girls often underappreciate the men in their lives because they think we should be more like them, but with different plumming. Any heterosexual male that says he does not look at other girls is either very low on testosterone or lying. Look at girls some time and ask yourself it it isn't hard for you as a girl not to notice them. Then add in the testosterone and the irrefutable fact that we males are very visual in the whole attraction process and you have a recipe for continued female unhappiness and males lying because the truth is not acceptable to so many females.
Dude you have issues, just because girls are out looking good doesn't mean that its for you to have no respect for your partner. If you look at a pretty face that is one thing but when you are in a relationship you have no business looking at other women's *** or boobs. Do you know what self control is at all? That is what makes us different from animals. Pig you get a grip
This guy is full of ****!
We are all sexual beings, yes, but to suggest that women having an issue with their boyfriends gawking at other women is some how based off our own insecurities is absolutely ludicrous. And that it's probably because we don't take care of ourselves enough to please our men so they don't stare at other women that do apparently "spend more money to look good"? Seriously? What a joke! Men are pigs. Plain and simple. Not all men, but a lot of them.
I will never forget something a customer told me once (I used to work with contractors and architects). This man's gorgeous wife would come in to pay off the invoices every couple of weeks (she didn't work and had all the time in the world to spend tons of his money to look absolutely stunning and she was the sweetest woman), and he would come in to place orders and check out other women that were in the office. We would joke with him that the woman he was GAWKING at was no where near as beautiful as his wife.....he told me "i have steak every night....sometimes I want a hamburger". Yea. Doesn't matter how much money or time you spend to keep up your good looks.....men simply want what they don't have or can't get. Men lose appreciation for what they have, regardless of how good looking their lady is. Men are just pigs.
You make it sound as if women are innocent bystanders and victims in all this about which you are complaining and finding fault. If men are pigs, what are the women who dress for the attention of men? To be clear, there are differences of degree. There s a difference between gawking and simply looking. There is place for looking and not touching. It sounds as if you have no real regard for men because we fail to meet a feminine standard for our behavior, a standard that few females themselves actually achieve. Women look, too. Younger women today look more boldly. I was at a party recently and the girls/women were rather blunt in their appreciative comments. The truth that men are visual, and as heterosexual males, our eyes are going to be drawn to attractive females (a general standard, and specific tastes) apparently makes us all "pigs" to you. Instead, you may want to consider those of us who may look, but not act on our desires to be much better than your comments suggest.
In point of reality, a woman is as likely to cheat as is a man. Remember, when you speak with such harshness and judgment you are opening yourself up to be judged by the same standard (adjusted for gender) as you judge. Do you enjoy a compliment from a man when you look nice? Do you wear clothes that flatter your shape? Perhaps you would prefer to live in an environment where women wear birkas. Perhaps you would outlaw the bikini? A bikini is really just a variation on a bra and panties. Is a man supposed to see a woman who looks good in a bikini and not notice? Do you really underestimate the competitiveness of women who work very hard to get guys to look, who want to make sure they are the ones getting the attention?
I am not suggesting that men have the right to leer. But to expect a man in a public place to not notice a woman who has chosen to present herself in a visually provocative way is unrealistic. You are setting yourself up, with that standard, for relationships in which your guys must lie to you in order to keep the peace.
When women, because they are in a relationship, wear the equivalent of birkas and just pull their hair into a ponytail, when they don't put on make-up to go out, and of course they don't wear high heels or hose, because after all, they are taken, then you might have a basis for complaining.
Welcome to EP. Thanks for the nice response.
While I understand what you're saying, there is no need to be so condescending, and no one will listen you, male or female, when you speak to them in the way that you are. It seems that in this world, the 'reality' you speak of, men get all the excuses and women get to do all the 'growing up'. Instead of relying on the age old "boys will be boys" mentality, how about you try evolving slightly? Maybe it's time for men to grow up, and realize women are not adornments for you to admire, we are people. And if women didn't have so much pressure to look attractive (not pointing fingers but that social pressure is obvious) we wouldn't care to. Funny how this whole thing changes once a man has a daughter.
I don't put make up on to go out (I don't need it) I don't wear high heels or hose either (Heck, I don't even wear a bra) I wear clothes that look good on me, but I look natural most of the time. Does that make me a bad girlfriend? My boyfriend seems to prefer it this way.
We live in an age in which women want unlimited license to be girls/women and make choices that seem good to them, without regard to their impact on others. Women assert the right to wear whatever they want and men are not supposed to look if breasts jiggle or if a skirt is extremely short over what are generally considered to be "nice legs" or even "ok legs". That is foolishness.
Women see a different world from men. Get over it. That you have a boyfriend who prefers you without makeup and fuss is great for both of you. That you don't fuss is great for both of you. That doesn't mean that your approach fits for others.
The original poster in this discussion harshly judges men for being aware of the existence of other females while out with him. That is a preposterous standard. Women and girls spend a lot of time, effort and creativity looking their best and even the most advanced professional woman (Physician, Lawyer, Business Executive, Military Officer, etc,) enjoys being told she looks nice. Women dress nicely with the expectation of being notice,whether consciously or unconsciously.
Men have no excuse for oggling, or for "gawking" whether they are with someone or alone, if they are in a relationship. But I appreciate femininity. I am so grateful for how much effort women putinto looking their best. I love pretty hair, nice bodies and well chosen clothing. A married woman likes to hear from other men that she looks nice. So, please, if you have integrity, admit that itis a matter of degree. Admit that it feels good to look nice and receive a compliment.
I think you're contradicting your statement. You claim that women are setting standards without regard to how men feel, but by generalizing that all men "look" whether it be sexual or not and ask women not to be upset is also setting a standard for women. Not all women will be upset with you looking, some women were blessed with the confidence to not let that phase them. If, as a couple, you don't agree with each others "standards" and it's enough to drive you mad because you can't find equal ground, cut ties (civilized of course). There are plenty of men/women out there all with different points of view. Not all women/men will agree with you. Its all about preference and you can't force preference on someone.Not to offend anyone or anything of the sort, just extending my opinion. I could branch out on so many subjects with this but the typing lag has me tapping out
Yas!! I love this comment so much!
my boyfriend always gotta look at some girls *** and pretend his looking somewhere else when his actually looking at her tat gets me Angry but I ignore because I just can't stand to get mad every minute:(
I think all men do this.....some are just more discrete than others. My guy looks at other women all the time, he doesn't make it real obvious, but he'll make a comment or something to me about her. The funny thing is that I've usually spotted her first and thought the same things he's telling me. I read a good story here not long ago that talked about this exact subject. Instead of getting jealous and mad, try complimenting his taste in women....agree with him, or better yet, YOU notice them first and point them out to him. Best wishes.
If you do that than he might think that I am lesbian. That is what happened with 2 guys and we broke off.
just because a woman can appreciate the beauty of another doesn't make her a lesbian. LOL...sorry, had to laugh at that one!
You'd be surprised how many jerks think this to be true, ha! Lame, right,
It is one thing if he takes a quick look and then looks back at you. That is normal for men. They all do it. Old, young, whatever. Get used to it and tell your man that you are ok with it and THEN BE OK WITH IT. If he puts up with your female realities, then learn to live with some of his male reality.<br />
It is wrong when men blatantly stare at other women. Or flirt with other women while you are right there (unless this is part of your fun...) This is rude and disrespectful, and men who do this do not deserve to be in relationships with anyone. Tell him it is NOT OK to do this. Take a stand and tell him you will end the relationship if he cannot respect you- which is why you give him that bit of lee-way to look but NOT stare. It shows your understanding of his maleness, without allowing him to disrespect you. <br />
Stand for something or fall for anything...<br />
And don't believe all that feminist nonsense that no self respecting guy looks at other women. They are trying to turn men into women. Real men do look, but have the decency to only glance and not outright stare. Cuz, ya, it is creepy to get stared at.
break up with him if he thinks that your not worth his time then I am 100% sure he is not worth yours
I am a beautiful older "barbi". If he does this in front of you he is "serial." Run sweetheart, run. You know where this relationship is going. He is satisfying his own ego and looking for his next babe. There are beautiful men outthere from the inside out. This guy is treating you like an "interim" dump him while you can hold your head up....and "fake" your indifference to the breakup...it kills guys unless they cant stand you. Lots of love your way, Cheryl
What he is doing is rude and shows no respect for you. I think you should start checking out other guys and see how he reacts. When I did to my x he would be real upset and accuse me that I am checking out guys all the time.<br />
Other time I took a different approach. Whenever I saw a nice woman, nice shape, shoes, heels etc etc..I would complement. After a while he started to have a doubt and started accusing me that I am lesbian.<br />
I think it is ok for man to look at other women but they should do it in such a way that we dont realize or find out. I am sure there are classes for men :)
My boyfriend does the exact same thing! At first I really let it bother me, I would look at them and try to figure out what I could do to make myself look like the girls he checked out. Then I began to realize, men check out ALL different kinds of girls. And if your boyfriend saw you walking down the street he would check you out too. Now when he checks out a girl I don't let it bother me. I join in with him and tell him if I think she is attractive or not but I also tell him when I think another mans attractive.
Well, it would appear you ARE insecure in the relationship, or at least about his commitment to it, if him merely looking at someone sets you off. Unless he's drooling and making comments, you seem to be over-reacting.
He lacks the skills to read the menu but still have dinner at home
It is disrespectful and makes you distrustful of him. Not a good relationship to be in, because you lose any respect you have for him. So do what I did... get even...do it back to him. Anytime a good looking guy walks by, check him out and let your guy see you checking him out. It all fun and games when you're the one getting upset. You never know....you might see something way better than what you're with. I did and am really happy with my new guy : )
First of all, if a man has to "check out" another woman while he is with me, then I wouldn't be with his sorry behind. Its all about R.E.S.P.E.C.T. I don't care that he only glances and that's all, he is with YOU!!! his eyes should not wonder anywhere else, but on YOU while you guys are together out somewhere. To Glance and turn away is one thing, but when he stares.. now that's another. Insecurities has nothing to do with this because I sure you are very secure with yourself, its your boyfriend who needs to get his security level up and realize what on his plate already before someone else takes a bite. Oh yeah and I bet he would really *hit in his pants if you "check" out other guys around him!!!