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She knows she\'s been hurting me physically with flying objects or caning me etc. But I\'m not sure she knows she\'s hurting me emotionally. I\'m adopted by her but I don\'t want her to get into trouble I just need to deal. I hide everything behind attitude, jokes, laughs and smiling. I pretend I\'ve read articles on a story like my life and tell mum sometimes about girls like this and she says, \"Oh her parents still care for her.\" I don\'t tell her I made them up.
7Becky7 7Becky7 13-15, F 7 Answers Nov 22, 2013 in Parenting & Family

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As you already know, I'm sure, "Oh her parents still care for her." is a bad way to think, and abuse of any kind should not be allowed to slip under the radar just because it's "not as bad as other kids have it" or "we still love you". <br />
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I've dealt with emotionally manipulative parents before, I've dealt less with physical harm. Things are better now and this is my advice to you- things work out differently for every person but I found that this helps.<br />
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First, talk to someone else you can trust. Counsellor, friend, etc. people say to go straight to the parent but it's good to at least get some assurance and have something to fall back on if that first encounter doesn't go as planned.<br />
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Two, be aware of self help resources- things may not seem bad now but in the chance that the abuse ever gets very serious, or with anyone else, for that matter, know that IT'S OKAY to call the authorities. You deserve better.<br />
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And three, when you feel comfortable, honestly tell them how you feel. It's hard, and often times they will not listen, trust me, I know. It's funny how someone gauges what will hurt someone else by what bothers them- obviously not all people are the same.<br />
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Think about what it is that hurts you. Even if she doesn't listen, it's good to think about why it hurts so that you have a grasp on it yourself. When abusers are manipulative or dismissive, they may or may not realize that they are doing this- but they will try and put your own feelings against you. Remember that what you feel is real, what you feel is important, and it doesn't matter if your mother would not feel the same if it was done to her.<br />
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Sometimes writing a letter helps. I don't think it's "on you" to talk to her "face to face" or whatever. That's her responsibility, if and when she decides to apologize. <br />
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I read in the comments that you feel bad turning her in because she's done so much for you- this is how I felt about my parent being emotionally abusive. But, remember this. Bad people can do "good things", and I guess you could argue "good people do bad things" too but that depends on what you deem good or bad. What I'm trying to say is that the other things she's done for you, are either things a parent is expected to do, or a nice gesture- <br />
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It doesn't matter if she's bought you diamonds. <br />
People who have harmed and killed others have still bought people flowers, done "nice" things. That doesn't excuse what they did.<br />
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Abusive behaviour is abusive and you shouldn't worry about weighing out one good deed for an abusive one. The abusive things are still underlying. If you know this can change, you care for her and you don't want to call authorities, Try what you can but it is ALWAYS an option. YOU are a person, with feelings, too.<br />
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I wish you the best of luck. Stay safe- and remember- you deserve better. You did not wish this upon yourself.

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Parents can be just as selfish and immature as kids. Your mother needs to be taught a lesson.

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Report her to the authorities and child services. She is unfit to have a child in her care. Putting up with that kind of abuse any longer is just pure craziness.

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But then I'd feel guilty because it's not all bad.

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It actually is very bad. It's called child abuse and it can seriously screw up the rest of your life. Report her.

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Yeah, my friends have told me to phone child protection services. I'm a bit scared because she can be nice.

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I understand you may be scared but that kind of treatment isn't acceptable. There is no excuse for it. She needs help.

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file a complaint with childrens aid agency contact the police tell everyone in authority until u can get the help u need

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But I don't want her to get into trouble because she has also saved my life literally. I'm thinking about ringing up child protection services though.

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Take the advice of everyone who's said to tell someone, and do it right away. And please know this: You can get through this and you deserve to be happy and one day you will be.

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Thank you for the positivity :D

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You will be happy.

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I've told friends but nothing else. I've told dad but he gave me crap about her caring for me.

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If it's that bad, you need to tell a counselor and insist on getting help right away.

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I'm thinking about counselling. But I'll probably do that next year at my new school.

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Whatever you decide, be strong and know you can get through this.

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When you go to school, Tell your counselor. Please.

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The thing is that I only have a few weeks left and one of my teachers was going to help me to go counselling but she then forgot. I only have 2 weeks left now. I want to do counselling at my next school but I have to check first. I'm scared people are going to judge me.

I've told my dad but he gave me crap about her caring for me.

I don't think it helps me being adopted.

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I know how you feel, but the first thing you do it go to the office and say: "I need to talk to someone right now! And i mean now!" And they will not ignore you. They will take you to a counselor right then and there. They have free counsels, and you can visit anytime.

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Um my school now doesn't appreciate things like that. I know a girl got detention because of something like that :(

I'll go to the office next year at my new school and check :D

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You cant get a detention for getting abused. Dont wait. Otherwise it will keep continuing at home. Dont wait it out. There is no difference between this year and next year.

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Thank you could we talk in private? Thanks. I'll explain everything.

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