Why has she gone back to an abusive husband?

You are helping her stay with him, as long as she knows she can have you both. Tell her to look you up if its ever completely over with him, and if you're still single maybe you can go out. She isn't ready to commit to you, may never be until she totally ends it with him. And shows that she means it.

take a step back and walk away. It almost sounds like she is keeping you on a string just in case things don't work out this time with her husband. She may have gone back because she feels she owes it to him and their daughter, that is fair enough but she shouldn't expect you to wait around just in case things don't work out for them.

Find someone else who is free to give themselves to you. Best of luck

As one w ho has been in that position, several times, I can attest to what some here are saying.

She is under his control, and until she is ready to really be who she is,and not what he SAYS she is, until she's had ENOUGH .......................you are in a sense allowing his abusive ways endanger your own life and peace of mind,heart and soul.

By hanging on, you become at risk to being bitter,and in being bitter you may lose out on another who IS ready for your love and devotion.

Please do,step away. Let her know that contact must end,and MEAN IT !

*sighs* The going back for her daughters sake.................... I have someone I love dearly who went back to her controlling,abusive husband, walked away from a man, who I believe could have made her happy,given her a life of love.

She did it because her kids were made it plain that they would stay with their dad,and reject her.

But what kind of example is it for them to see their mother treated that way ? To grow up thinking this is the way it's supposed to be !?

Sounds to me like she has brought the control right to the door of your heart!!! the abusive husband has taught her to abuse you!! Do you think this is anything less!?! If you stick around, you will be helping her to teach her daughter all the different dynamics of abuse. All of its ugly faces. She can't possibly give you the love and respect that you deserve if she can't love and respect herself. Not to mention her kid!! Nice example to set. Teach her to be a flaky, dishonest cheat!!! Nice. Do you really want this woman to raise your kids someday? And as long as she is raising a child with someone else, HE WILL BE A PART OF YOUR LIFE. So I guess the question is are YOU ready to break it off with him? I know that it sounds harsh, but I am that girl, or was some years ago. Then I finally left for the last time and got to know and love myself. I PROMISE, she will only bring you pain until you let her go. If it is meant to be, then she will come drifting back when she grows up enough for you. But you will probably be happy by then and SO GLAD that part of your life is OVER! So, I say cut that hurt out of your life. It will hurt, but pain is a great teacher, and wisdom is good pain relief. Learn to take care of yourself first, heart, mind, body and soul. You can't do right by someone else until you do! Then just pray for her or whatever. Just like addiction, she can't let go until rock bottom. Do her a favor and make her face the truth. The truth shall set you free!

let go........she is a married woman with a child. i understand that you are in love and hurting, but if you try to pressure her, that will only make it worse for her. she has to figure this out on her own. most likely, this man will abuse her again. they hardly ever really change. i just got out of a physically abusive relationship and i know first-hand. if he continues to abuse her, it is up to her to move on. it took me several months of planning and waiting for the opportunity to escape, and i didn't even have the motivation of another man, a loving man, waiting for me. but she has a daughter. if this man has really changed, good. but if she doesn't love him, she SHOULD leave him despite the daughter. but it's totally up to her. good luck working through your emotions, it must be so hard for you right now. all you can do is wait, or move on.

She has gone back to her husband because she believes he is a changed man. This is possible but highly unlikely. Statistically women take on average 35 physical assalts before they leave their abusive partner. She may be returning for a lot of reasons, because she loves him, because she thinks he will change, because of the children, because of financial security, because she fears him, for moral reasons (she is married to him). These are some of the common ones. She is obviously confused and I expect that it won't work out and she might run back to you. You need to decide if it is worth you getting messed about like this. She might be worth it. Who knows? That is quite a hard decision to make. What ever your decision always put own needs first. then you will not regret any decision you make.
Good Luck.

hey questy. a husband and wife has a soultie. that is why so many abused women go back to an abusive husband and visa versa. if the soultie is not broken, then chances are she will go back and back. we think they are foolish, but it is very real and spiritual thing. i think you need to leave her. you need to cut the soultie you have with her and then you will be set free, because you are worth it. much strength to you.

hugs x

I was in a verbally abusive relationship for 20 years. I don't have anyone else my family didn't know my friends didn't know. Only me an my children knew. One day I woke up and saw who this man was. I found the courage to leave him. It's been three years now on my own he still finds reasons to interfear in my life. I try to be strong and stay away for the good of myself and my children.

One day she will find the strength to leave him. She has to do this on her own. She needs to see this man for who he is not what she wants him to be.

Go live your life. She may come around when you are gone. I just hope it's not too late for her.

Let it go...............................disaster ahead

LEt her go..... SHe isn't ready she still is conditioned. WHat I mean is Women that have been in this situation and I as well. We seem to feel guilty for leaving and we are brainwashed to think we can change the situation, and really we can't.

It takes along time to build enough courage and say that is it get the **** out!

If he/ or she does move out ,the abuser is still coursing the victim to come back the majority of the time due the abuser not dealing with abandonment.

If you know anything about Domestic violence in relationships it truly is sad what we go through as victims and not mention what the kids see and hear.

She is the only one that can put a stop this not you. sorry, but it's the truth.

Think of an alcoholic forced to rehab. He won't stop and he'll try anything and everything to find a way to get it.



Still is one vicious cycle that is hard to break!

I must say that up to a point I must disagree with a couple of answers above. She isn't hangin on to you simply because she wants to have you on a string or have a fling, but because you are the only tie to the other side of who she is/was/or wants to be. This said, I am not giving you advice to stay and be ok, or to leave. This is a decision you will have to make on your own. But abusive relationships are very difficult to understand when you have never been in that position. It is a power control issuel. The abuser takes all the power and the control away from the victim but isolating them and breaking them down emotionally, financially, physically. The victim must find their own strength to leave. Sometime this strength comes from an outside source and sometimes the strength dwells within. Each person is different and the statistics say a victim leaves 7 times before they stay away from the relationship. To say it is out of her control is a little strong, but violence is similar to an addiction. It cannot be broken overnight because your body has become condititioned to survive under this circumstance. We all have an innate longing to see the good in people and when we are the ones being told it is all our fault, we believe it is up to us to help the other person become good again. It is all a preception issue. You must decide what your willing to handle and what you cannot. This must be your decision and either way, it will be difficult. Good luck in all.