Maybe you should leave him. Sounds like you're having a pretty rough time.
It takes a long time for mental anguish to affect you so badly you literally die of it. If you are in a bad situation, only you can truly get out of it. You have the most influential power over yourself because you can move your arms and legs. You can open your mouth and choose what you say. Nobody does that for you with strings attached to your fingers and feet, like a puppet. <br />
You have power, so perhaps you should start using it. Face the fear when the fear faces you.
I'm sorry you're in so much pain.... *hugs*