Why is it that the neglected/rejected spouse is always the one to give up the marital bed?

Because it hurts too much to be so close to someone who has shut you out.

I agree with the taking control thread here too. Me leaving the marital bed was the first step to a dawning awareness of a total imbalance in my marriage, and thus in my life. The balance shifted away from me always wondering what he needed (he would never discuss this with me), to me taking responsibility for what I need, and what I want. Eventually the balance in the relationship shifted from him in control, as the refuser, to realizing what I needed, taking back my life and getting out.

Because they realize that there is no reason any longer to stay and try. What is important to note is that ususally when they leave it is fter they have been trying for ages to make things work! Neglect implies abuse and that in itself will drive the partner away.
The partner who feels "OK" with things the way they are has no reason to leave as they see nothing worng. Worse yet the spouse who leaves because they feel neglectd etc is viewed as "bad" as they could not apprecaite how wonderful their partner was/is. You just gotta go when you reallize that your self worth is almost depleted.

I'm presuming the "they" in the question above refers to the 'rejecting' partner (the 'offender').

I should say that it depends on who is the dominant partner, who is the most assertive! If you are unhappy with the way things are, and feel you have a right to do so, ASSERT YOURSELF and tell your partner how you feel about that. If you would rather not risk provoking an unholy row, then you just submitted to what you were assigned to. Clearly it is your choice - hopefully your choice won't be made by default!

Because the one in control of the relationship is always the person who cares the least about maintaining it, and the other will bend over backwards to try to keep them happy. (Sad thing is, a girlfriend of mine once told me that... you'd think that would be a read flag or something LOL)

why sleep ith your partner when they make it clear tour no longer wanted/needed.

Becasue it is better to sleep on the couch than to beat the hell out of your spouse. Although beating the hell out of my spouce would burn a significant amount of calories. Hummmm...maybe I will rethink that one.

I can only tell you why I would be inclined to do it, and that is because it sucks to lay there and try to fall asleep all the while hoping for some kind of interaction. The longer you lay there, the worse and worse you feel, (especially, if, like I did the other night, you go to bed totally nude and try to get all cuddly.)

In my first marriage...I knew that my wife didnt really want me in the bed with her (even just to sleep), and I didnt want to be where Im not wanted and welcome, so I spent the last 3 to 6 months of our living together on the sofa. In all reality, I wanted to be in the bed and have her on the sofa but it wasnt worth the headache. Oh by the way, she was cheating and thats why she didnt want me there. She actually said to me that she felt she was being "unfaithful" to her lover sleeping with me if you can believe that.

I don't know that that is "always" true. Sometimes, the essence of control is being able to walk away and know when to "get gone"! Some walk farther then the bed...take the whole house, I'M GONE!

I was the neglected for years, but now he is the rejected and I have slept on the couch, then a blow up bed for well over a month... It is my choice, and preferable to sleeping with him.

So that they can take care of things themselves. I find that **** is best enjoyed alone.

Well, I've definately been the "rejected/neglected spouse" before, but I haven't given up anything. * I am STILL in the bed with the big, snoring ox, trying to work things out! ;-{

OMG THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE, WHY SHOULD THEY STAY IN BED WHEN THEY NO THEY ARE NOT WANTED I DAMN SURE WOULDNT STAY IN BED WITH A SPOUSE THAT IGNORED & REJECTED ME I WOULD BE AT THE COUT HOUSE FOR THE FASTEST DIVORCE POSSIBLE

I'm not giving up my comfy bed unless I'm leaving the house for good!

probably because you left the bed for the sofa out of anger and the old" I'll show you" I done that many times once I even slept out in the car in a blizzard about froze to death really got to him too he slept so sound he was almost late for work. So, don't give up the bed! Do you snore can you fake it make your spouse leave

If peace prevails with me on the back breaking sofa then lead the way!!!

They give up mentally first then physically give up. the process is putting distance between yourself and the pain that you are experiencing. from a psychological level you have to think of the basic fight or flight instict. You stay you fight, who wants to fight in bed, you leave fly way there you go toward peace (hopefully). However for me lately I have done the opposite and asked them to leave, however it is for the same reason. Fight or flight, removing the pain and the suffering from your life.