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npain npain 36-40, F 17 Answers Nov 13, 2009

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TALK TO HIM

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Maybe he is stuck in a rut and don't know how to get out of it, or maybe you have got him spoiled. Maybe he has "settled" for what his life has become and has no motivation to better it. Maybe you should tell him you married him because you wanted to BUILD a life with him.A good life at that. Sit down and set some goals for the life you want to build with him,start slow don't overwhelm him or he'll just consider you a nag.For example each pay day set aside $10.00 in an envelope and use it for family vacation once a year. If you are afraid you or he may get into it,put it in one of those piggy banks you can't see through or get in unless its broken. Write a date on it and break it together on that date and spend it together on what was initally agreed upon no matter what. You may also have to make him a "honey do" list. Then really make him feel special and proud when he checks one off. Even if it was really no big deal. A mans pride can make or break him.Give him his pride and honor back and he'll start wanting to do for you just to get the praise. The sweeter you are to him the sweeter he'll want to be to you. Now this won't happen over night, you are going to have to work on convincing him he's wonderful[and you probably won't even believe it yourself] but get that in his subconcious. The mind is a powerful thing. Convince him he's the kind of man who wants to make a good life for his family.Just tell him "honey that's the kind of man you are.Thats why I chose you."

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tell him to get off his butt and do what he has to...or you get out and kill the momouth yourslf

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Last I checked it was 2009. Take your a$$ out there and do your own providing. Unless, of course, you want to subordinate yourself to him in exchange for his sacrifices. But, alas, you are a modern woman, or as I say, overgrown little girl, so you would like your cake, to eat it too, and to write an article about how your cake would have been more delicious if not for the so-called patriarchy.

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Wow some of you on here are really jerks! Did you not read whay the asker wrote?? At one point she said her sorry assed husband actualy got mad at HER for getting sick and sent home because they'd be short on money! What lind of MAN or human being is that? Your tellong her to grow up. You grow up. And there are certain things required of the genders. Let a man squeeze a baby out of his *** then come tell me were all equal!

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If he's in your age category....there's little hope of him changing....It's like they are little boys, trapped in men's bodies....



My first husband was like this....he was a terrible provider....it was left on my shoulders....and that's a heavy weight to bear....He would take money out of the checking account, that was for the gas bill, and take it to the dog races....he'd play video games, and watch movies....and when he did work, he worked medial jobs...way beneath his intelligence level....and if it was part-time...even better....I remember a period of our marriage, where I was working full-time, and his job was giving plasma twice a week....this went on for 6 mos.....and when I developed a fever, and was sent home from work (worked in healthcare)...he was furious, at the pay we were going to lose....(this, while he was playing video games, with the kids).....



So, you are stuck with a tough decision....bottom line is....How long do you think you can live like this?



I divorced my husband......



He regrets it, now....but, he hasn't changed one bit. Even losing his family, didn't change his behavior....that's how hard it is to break.

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They dont change.

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First off you should stop relying on him to provide for you Your a grown adult not a child. It's not his job to provide for you or do any thing else because of his gender. You are not only forcing a dehumanizing role on him but your denying your self the very experience of living life.



Here are some writings you might want to check out



www.feministing.com These are women living healthy lives as adults free from destructive gender roles

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I think the more important questions are: Why do I choose lousy providers? Why aren't I motivated to better myself? Why am I ignoring what I should do?

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There's a lot of reasons that he's not getting ahead. Lack of education, or opportunities my hinder him at work. Or, he may just have a lousy job, where they don't pay much (like nearly everyone where I live!). I'm sure he is trying his best, but sometimes it's just not possible. Now is not the time to go looking for a different job, he should hold on to what he has. Don't pressure him, instead, be thankful he's providing for you. What do you do to contribute?

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WOW......and I thought that my husband was married to only me......



But the answers to this question has really made me think....guess I better get on the ball.....go and get another job......and kick him the H3ll out...



thanks for asking what I have not been able to get the guts up to ask

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does he like his job? maybe he's to intimidated to push forward. maybe he likes his job. if you can't seem to light a fire under him, and if you aren't making ends meet, you may have to get a job, if you don't already have one. being a mom is already a huge job. good luck.

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