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Despite the fact that I was a well behaved child and teenager, my mother took every opportunity to be physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. I look just like someone she hates and I am the only daughter out of four children. I left home nine years ago because I had enough. She tried to give me gifts and turn on the sweetness, but I still left. Now I find that she wants to be my best friend, but I do not feel emotionally safe with this woman. We are civil, but she wants me to share private things with her. My mother recently asked if I would tell her if my husband and I had marriage problems. I said yes so that she wouldn't fly off the handle, but truthfully she would be the last to know. I forgive my mother for my own soul and I feel sorry for her because she is very flawed and she does not understand how to take responsibility for her actions. I just don't understand the sudden compulsion to be besties. What do you think? Is it guilt?
BGer BGer 31-35, F 13 Answers Nov 4, 2012 in Family Struggles

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Definitly GUILT ....It took DISTANCE n TIME to see the ERROR of her WAYS ...Soundz like TOO little TOO late tho

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Some people realize they have wronged but don't have the courage to say it. Sometimes this comes as we get older or even when we feel the coldness of death approaching. Yet, we cannot heal without forgiveness. How can others expect forgiveness without asking it? You can only move forward with your own strength. Let your heart guide you to the truth. If you still have hurt, your hurt is still real. Denial will never heal the soul...only confession by the wrongdoer.

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We are all flawed human beings,maybe she had you to young and didn't know how to take on responsibilities. This is the woman (mother) who gave birth to you,she made a mistake,forgive her. No one knows what life has planned for them,if you ever loved,give her another chance. You never know what your life is going to end up being like. By the grace of "God" love and forgive,your mother!

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She made several mistakes and not just one.
As I said, I forgive her but I have to keep myself safe. Forgiveness does not mean putting yourself in a position to be hurt again. Many people (including you) think that because she is my mother, she can treat me like crap. She was 32 when she had me and there were two older kids, so she had plenty of experience. We may all be flawed but I don't believe that all of us are horrendously abusive, especially to our offspring.

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No child deserves abuse. Most of us love our mothers regardless of abuse or pain but we still must find strength when we are not given it. When we are abused, what choice do we have but self preservation? It is hard to move on but we must protect what strength we have left after someone has done all they can to ***** it away. I totally understand.

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Thank you for understanding. Bless you.

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You are right,I didn't say that it was alright to treat you or anyone else like crap. You asked the question,all I was saying was to for give your mother. Forgiveness is not for your mother, it's for "You". No one deserve to be abused in any form. Sorry, you took my comment the wrong way.

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I am EXACTLY like you regarding this.



My mother was abusive and neglected my brother and me for years, making me raise him myself from age 12 onward. Now she comes back into my life and wants to be close to her kids again. It took me years to forgive her, but I finally did. It was more for me than her.



Now I tolerate her presence in my life and realize she is human and she made mistakes. I love her, but we will never be close because her behavior has not changed much since those days.

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she has at some point been faced with her demons and fear of what the past may bring to her future....redeem, guilt-what does it matter---concentrate on what makes you healthy and worry less about the things that dont

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maybe she feels bad about it and wants to make up for it

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i dont know. maybe she is feeling guilty and wants to turn over a new leaf. why did she single you out and not the other siblings?

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My other siblings were also abused, but to a lesser extent. She told me that she will put up with what the boys do, but not what I do.

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hmmm thats weird. my mother was also alot stricter with my older sister. i was allowed to get away with so much more. still do tbh.

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my mom tries really hard to be friends now. i take it as an apology for her failed attempt at being a mother. just take what she can offer. being a mom aint easy

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Despite the difficulties of being a mother, I don't think that excuses abuse. Of course, I am too afraid to have kids for fear of being the same mother I had so I will never know.

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My mom is the same way and I'm 43! She has totally convinced herself that she has never done anything wrong while raising me and my siblings. She would hit me with whatever she could reach, often metal vacuum attachments, hockey sticks, mops, pots... whatever! Today she doesn't understand at all why I don't visit her very often or why my brother has nothing to do with her!



I believe for a lot of people it's easier to just block it and move on than to deal with it!

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She may realize that the older she gets, the more dependent she will be on you. Elderly people rely heavily on their adult children.

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She has needed me in the past, but I refused to help her because she would not help when I was depressed and very ill. I would look after my father, but not my mother. Can't bring myself to do that.

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