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anant699 anant699 26-30, M 15 Answers Jan 8 in Affairs

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that is seriously a loaded question...but this is my take...my hubby neglected me for 18 years...fantastic provider and best friend but no sex drive...lucky we have sex 3 times a year....last year nothing...urrr so screw that...I have needs and I tell you they are being met....soooo love it...

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I'm in the same boat. For a long time I thought it was because I was not desirable, then I realized it was his problem not mine. I've only gone 4 years without. YOU DON'T KNOW UNTIL YOUR IN THAT SITUATION.

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Because they are selfish. I can't stand 'em.

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Huh! I forgot to put that one on my list.

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Oh, maybe #4 is that one.

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lol

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people cheat when their insecurities show through and they are overwhelmed by the need for reassurance of their own self worth.... secure individuals don't need constant reassurance of anything to feel complete. <br />
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Another reason people do any of the unnecessary, harmful, hurtful, inconsiderate, cruel, etc. things they do is ba<x>sed in logic. Because the can. If said individuals did not have the luxury of free time time to do the (PLACE crime, bad act, poor decision HERE) things they do, there wouldn't be nearly as many individuals harmed as the result of said individuals leisure time or "opportunity to do something". <br />
My recommendation, get a job, find a hobby, be a better parent/child/friend, or if really at a loss of what to do with oneself, try to redirect or focus that "time at one's disposal" on a more socially beneficial action.

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I needed to read your comment. Thank you.

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I disagree(thank god I have that choice) people who cheat do so not because they are bored but because they are not being given what they need. When your content you don't go looking for more. There are ppl stuck in relationships for various reasons, financial, children, etc. and maybe have asked , told or discussed having their needs met, yet they are still without resolve. Not that I agree cheating is justified in all cases. It' can be painful, deceiving, embarrassing , to the spouse who is being cheated on . But what if the affair isn't sexual but emotional , still cheating?

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Ill be honest, I've cheated in a relationship and it's cause I was insecure. My current partner is primed to be a cheater very insecure, jealous, drinks socially allot. But! Who cares I've learnt that being cheated on is flattering, it means they don't have the courage to be with you, and find support in someone moraly bankrupt.... therefore they wouldn't last and you get a better reputation for putting up with the sht and that will attract someone of equal strength and dignity. sht attracts sht strength attracts strength. People cheat cause they are not strong in short.

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Wow, so you have brainwashed yourself to believe that you are lucky to have a cheater in your life????????????????

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I can think of several reasons; none of them good. <br />
1) they don't love the partner and stay for some reason. {maybe kids}<br />
2) they have no respect for the partner or the relationship<br />
3) they have no self respect<br />
4) they don't care about anyone but themselves <br />
5) they are rabbits.

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Thank you. I thought 3 of them were right in front of me and didn't want to believe it.

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The only comfort I can take is that I know that a cheat is never really happy. They always know, deep inside that they are cheats. They may act as if they have the world on a string, but I think (if they aren't sociopaths) they must feel dirty and low, in their quiet times.

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Again, thank you. He persisted that I need to be more open minded, that their was nothing strange that his "neighbor" sent him daily emails of yoga **** (with videos), classes he should take to experience tantric *******, etc... I read 100's of them. I don't think I'm prude at all. I'm just amazed that he would hide things from me. I can accept almost anything (seriously), but to keep things a secret... I don't get it. It's far creepier than anything he could ever do (in my mind) to hurt me. Not a fan.

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He feels dirty. The only thing that makes him dirty and low is the lies he told me. Aaaaaaah! I can't believe I fell for it.

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Dirty and low... is the perfect description. I don't know how to be as cunning as they are/were. The sheer idea that neither of them gave a thought about how painful it was to me? Mind-boggling. Their "friendship" is chipped mortar. I hope they wind up together. Sincerely. I feel to my bones they would not last in an 'actual' romantic/sexual relationship. For me, the damage is done. I keep telling myself that my anger is temporary... I'm just relieved I didn't marry the s.o.b.

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Ask my ex. He gave me so many reasons and none of them made sense to me. If you find out, I'd love to know.

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See my list of reasons for cheating

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I see where you're coming from, but I disagree.

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That's okay. A lot of people disagree, but I spent years trying to figure out what was wrong with me. What should I have done differently? Then I realized, he had no self respect. Having no self respect, he couldn't respect me or our daughter. He died alone and unloved. I am alive and have a lot of loved ones, who love me right back.

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Too many reasons to count. For me it is companionship that my husband doesn't offer. Having another human that takes me as I come! I still love hubby and my life, I just have needs he doesn't meet and truly has no desire to meet.

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they want attention!

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I can only speak for myself...it all started when I was 8...my 16 year old Aunt molested me for over a year...sending all the wrong messages to my young mind...and again at 14 by my Step Mom for several years....so I thought sex was common place...and didn't matter the relationship so long as two people had opportunity and desire....that seemed to open all those taboo doors for me...allowing my mind to justify the why with the now....does that make sense?

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Took me a long time to go back and come to terms with all of that myself. Hard to break the habit of what you thought was normal for so long

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One answer: BOREDOM.

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Its called strange.

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But - who else can they cheat on?!?

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I know eh? Who else is going to care if they are no better than rabbits?

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Huh? What's wrong with rabbits?

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Pleasure? Which usually only last until their partners find out.

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