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PLEASE - if anyone has ever dealt with a defiant small child and has been through it only, meaning if you don't have anything worthwhile to say, than please don't post... This is serious and I have even debated whether or not to take her to psych hospital... I'm just out of options, thanks
vincentsong vincentsong 26-30, F 14 Answers Aug 7, 2011

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Are you sure the child isn't crying due to an earache or tummy ache? How about a toothache? Those are things I'd be sure of first. Sometimes children cry because they are overtired or just uncomfortable. I've never heard of one that cries out of defiance....at least not continually. Usually a crying "fit" will stop once the child becomes tired or realizes that the crying thing isn't going to work. And crying usually tires a child out fairly quickly....so they will sleep. <br />
I would talk to a pediatrician to be sure that nothing physical is going on. Children need frequent checkups anyway. If it's purely behavioral, then you need a consistent plan to work on it. I remember my son's tantrums when he was young....sometimes they were for a reason, and I took that into account. But other times, they were a toddler's attempt at a powerplay, and I learned that the best thing to do was send him to his room or into a quiet spot to sort himself out. Once he saw that he wasn't going to be placated for tantrums, they lessened. I should mention though, that my child is autistic, and that has a big effect on how and why he acts out.<br />
Good luck with this situation. Be as patient as you can, and try to approach it rationally. Children are just children after all....not little adults. She will probably grow out of this sort of thing soon enough.

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Thanks and I do understand what you mean by a tummyache or earache, but her physical health is okay. I just had her at the doctor, she is 100% healthy. She is mostly upset b/c she wants her way, I try to compromise and it's not good enough... She just cries and cries...

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If you are sure that it's defiance, then I guess the key is not to reward the bad behavior, but to reinforce her when she is being good. Good luck. I can imagine how stressful this can be. I can remember waiting out a few of my son's tantrums..."We are not doing anything until you settle down." lol

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i completely u nderstand where you are coming from. i am beside myself and at an utter loss for what to do. no one understands until they actually see it for themself. i would love to talk to someone else going through this dreadful situation. let's chat?

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My grand daughter does the same cries at everything if you tell her don't stand on the chair she will argue that she wasn't and then cries. She hits everyone wont leave people alone if you tell her to stop she just laughs and does it more but if you take her out of the situation she cries she cries with everything if she doesn't control everyone and everything she cries I am going crazy trying to figure her out. It is so bad no one will invite her to parties or any family events

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Give more of a background of the child's environment. Did you smoke, drink, take any street or presc<x>ription drugs while pregnant with the child? What are the circumstances surrounding the birth of the child? Were you with the child's father? Were you or are you in a committed relationship with him? Is he present in the household? Do you work? If so, where is the child when you are working? Daycare? What are the circumstances surrounding the episodes of crying? Was the child tired, asking for something, wanting something, etc? <br />
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I used to teach parenting skills for my career so these are all professional questions. Please answer truthfully. If you don't want to answer here, please email me. The more information about the child's life and the circumstances surrounding all 5 years of the child's life is helpful to figure out what to do.

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Oy, perhaps you spoiled her, and she needs a restructuring, of YOUR poor parenting skills..I am not saying you are a bad parents, but, we just never went to school, to learn the best approach.<br />
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BE consistent, and do not give up...Before having her labelled in such a psychiatric way, go to some parenting classes, and, please, do not start medication...

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I agree, need more examples of when she cries.

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She cries when she is told NO, doiesn't get her way and is put into time-out.

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Email me. I have a lot of info to give you.

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i would love to chat privately about my similar situation if you would be so kind?

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First off have you taken her to see a specialist , if not then do so .<br />
No psych hospital will take a 5 year old .<br />
It could be many , many things that are causing it .<br />
My four year old often cries but we have a diagnosis .<br />
Agreed with very bored need more info . <br />
Are there other behaviors too ?

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We are waiting to hear back from child therapist. And actually we have a childrens hospital 20 mins away that has a psyche dept. I've been there for friends son before... We don't have any diagnosis yet, but we think it might be ADD. Her attention span is very slim, she has trouble concentrating, fidgeting and finickky all the time, and just cries about everything.

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Remember it isn't just the child. The child is a product of her/his environment and upbringing. The remedy is not with meds but lays in you and anyone else who watches her.

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I am going through this and I too want to take her to psych hospital she is only five and there is nothing I can do to get her to stop ...did you find out anything that works??

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If it's just defiance then the best thing to do is ignore her. No-one around her must give her any attention at all.

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Some kids simply enjoy crying and feeling sad. It's not strange really. We've all met grown adults were we think "what a miserable person". I find than my son constantly cries about everything, and I've tried time outs, hugs, ignoring him, and at times letting my frustration get the best of me and just shouting. Then I remembered that I was like that too, and eventually grew out of it. Unfortunately for my parents the constant crying turned into constant anger and aggression. I realize now that the crying, then subsequent anger was a symptom of enjoying the rush those emotional outbursts gave me. It was a sort of high that I was addicted too. So for my son, I'm trying to find a substitute catharsis for him. The difficulty is in both getting him to latch on a new emotion, and to constantly have that new emotion bring an emotional reward. Accomplishment seems to be the front runner so far. But for now I tell my son "Your whining and crying about this is making me frustrated. It's ok to cry about something's but everything. So stay here while I go and calm myself down".

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What an amazing post. I have asked my 5-year-old if she just enjoys crying since she does it so much. I think you hit the nail on the head- Being addicted to the emotion. I'm going to give removing myself a try, because the crying will drive me insane.

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I'm in a hospital as a patient in the brain study department and there is a 5-yr old in the room next to mine. This child cries outs throughout the day and night and not much comforts him. He sounds tired and in pain. This child is not crying because he's been told no, he's not trying to get his way, and I cannot believe he's crying because he likes the emotion. There is something very wrong with him and he has all my sympathy.

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