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ashley2005 ashley2005 22-25, F 30 Answers Dec 1, 2009

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Because, in a sick way, the guy enjoys the power over his girlfriend. Knowing she has a low self-esteem, because any woman with a high self-esteem wouldn't allow that, he takes her love to his advantage and gets pleasure in making her feel miserable. This usually results in a low self-esteem from the guy as well, or some mental illness going on. Knowing he can apologize and make things seem like they're good again, he'll only re-create the circle over and over. The sad, slap-in-the-face reality is that everyone but the girl knows he is never going to change. The girl continues to hope that things could get better, but once again, the circle has re-created itself. Sometimes people get stuck in this sick, twisted circle for so long, they can't get out. They're trapped, and they can't get out of it. It's almost like an addiction. An addiction that never seems to end. It has to end someday, because even the people with the lowest self-esteem have boundaries. Trust me, I've seen this with a couple, and it's not a pretty sight. The boyfriend will keep hurting his girlfriend, but for some sick reason, she won't leave him. It's a sad truth, but disappointingly too common...

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I have just went thru this and the pain from it is so hurtful! 7 years of my life wasted.

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7 years here too! About to go thru the same thing...Just found out he has been cheating on me...

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I went through this for 2years...on and off and it hurt so bad to know that this is the truth....building my confidence pray n keep moving god has something in store....and any women who go through this have to realize your beauty and heart deserves better! Never again shall I suffer like this!

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some people enjoy the power trip, they are the people that have major issues but are scared to face their demons so they pick on the nice people

Its not only men that do it, women can be evil too.

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All men always hurt emotionally - with or without love - just because, on purpose - all women must be kept "under control" - and what better method than harming their feelings, emotionality, psychological harm - this is where women mostly get hurt.

Men are insecure in general about themselves, about the women.

That is why such things happen.

Most men want to be achievers, don't get silly, funny, etc.

They harm the women.

Finally any relationship for whatever purposes gets very simply destroyed. THAT WAY. BY UNTHINKING DISRESPECTFUL MEN.

Very few true men are left - truly responsible towards women, truly caring about them. Most men nowadays mostly need women babysitters to look after them.

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musicman is 100 per cent right,been in that siuation only recently and they do it for their own personal issues,also the fact they can get away with it.

do the right thing and gt out before it destroys u xx

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It's impossible to understand why. Don't try to. That's why crazy is crazy, it doesn't make sense. But anyone in that kind of a relationship (both sides) is sick in some way and both need to get out. Trust me, I know from long sad experience. Abuse of any type, verbal, emotional, physical, is abuse. Why people do it or put up with it doesn't matter, it is abuse and 99% of the time will get worse.

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I would just like to point out to those saying that it's a power thing, it's not always. Speaking from personal experience and how I have treated a (now ex-) girlfriend in the past I never realized how badly it was hurting her until it was too late to change anything. It certainly didn't make me feel very powerful and quite the opposite. I guess the main thing I'm trying to say is not all guys go out of there way to put down a woman, but when they do there is almost always negative emotions running through his head at the time that he just can't escape and the easiest thing to do is lash out at those who care the most.

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Women!!!! Whats wrong with u!



We are beautiful, smart, loving, caring, strong women that allow men to destroy our lives completly. They are like a drug...u assume u need them!

U dont.



Be happy n stay strong ! There are some amazing men out there but never ever let ur heart go to anyone until you are sure n in a committed relationship.



U dont need bulls*** !

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We let men do this to us first of all. We are afraid of losing them and being alone. It does not matter if you are rich or poor, educated or not or what color you are...... we women all have this same issue in sisterhood. If we quit letting this happen, men would start respecting us. I'm highly educated, make six figures with the government, but I still get treated wrong and I'm tired of it. The days of finding a good man in the church is over.

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I believe that many men are just insecure and mean. I also believe that the majority of the men who love and hurt are just inept. They are extremely poor communicators, avoid confrontation, can't deal with the trust, and selfish. I don't believe that most men hurt on purpose, but are so non-commital and non-confrontational, and non-communicative they take the easy way out by just leaving, appearing MIA from the relationship, and non-caring. Women really are the more secure, emotional stable and better communicators, so what do we expect. We give more freely and trust more deeply.

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I was with a Complete jerk for about three years...and this was in Jr high and high school. He would be SO sweet and nice one day and then call me awful things that shouldn't be repeated. I kept blaming myself for what I later realized to be his insecurities. And he just kept going because I let him. After I confronted myself about it, I realized that a) he was insecure and I was not going to be the object of his self hatred and b) he was an a$$hole and I could do better. Easier said than done! I'm still getting over it. I guess that I never really cared much for him, and I was not going to let him continue to do that to me. Via email and text btw...too cowardly to do it over the phone. My advice would be to Confide in a really good understanding friend who will let you complain within reason. Talk about it. Finally, constantly be telling yourself that you are beautiful and worth something. Because all us women are just that. Good luck, sweetie. You are going to meet a wonderful guy and forget all about that worthless piece of trash. :-) to answer your question, men are mostly insecure and want power which they get from taking away your self esteem and bringing you down. It's his problem so don't allow him to bring you down too, via verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. It's not right. And don't blame yourself for it. Even if it's some unkind words, ABUSE IS ABUSE! Get out before he brings you down to a point where you cannot get out.

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If people only do things that gives them some sort of good feelings, I guess they are just sick. Why are so many people so sick? How do I find a healthy one?

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the reason why i am reading this artciLe is onLy bcoz im being abused..

sad to admit that i am actuaLLy Letting him abuse me..

im on the verge of Letting him go for i think it is the onLy way to ease my pain..

for this is happening in circLes..

need more comforting advice..

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Men like the "comforts of home" knowing they can come and gripe , yell, complain and make you feel like less than human and then go do what they want, knowing all the while you will still be there when he gets back giving him your all once again for him to tear you down again.... Everyone says get out asap.. But it's easier said than done if your not the one living it. Especially if you have children, welfare dont do much for anyone any more, section 8 is gone, shelters ,HA! There always havin a line waiting to get in for days... Its just not as easy as it used to be, and men know this!!!

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Because men have no real heart emotion. There needs are physical when a woman's is emotional. My ? Is why do men feed us lies? Your the best I've ever had, I love you. I'll never hurt you the way he has. Wtf. Just stand up and say the truth!! We don't need strings of lies for us to love you.

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because he doesn't give a flip about her or her feelings. i also agree with uralba; no woman should continue to subject herself to this.

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assuming that this is happening to you, dump the douche, find a nice guy. If your already in love with him, don't worry, there's always a better someone out there.



good luck

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There are nice guys but this guy today camouflages as a nice guy to women- sensitive, caring, etc.... then he lies behind your back and keeps other women in the background who believe his lies. He is basically highly insecure and uses other women or men to rebound and feed his ego and blames everything on his girlfriend because he is like the devil- unable to change for his own good. He will make promises to you and make you feel like he really loves you but he does not need you but only to toy with and use to feed his ego. He will flip on you but call you unstable and even crazy to hide his dysfunctional behavior. He acts like a gentlemen to everyone in public, has no boundaries, not even with other women because he wants all to like him and he needs their attention so he can get away with abusing you- this makes him feel better about himself. If it was the 1950s he would institutionalize you and make you go through shock treatments- all for loving him and hoping he will change- but he never will - why should he? he is god - the fallen angel lucipher actually. Some beat and others emotionally abuse- it is rarely the woman's fault- her problem is loving him- so stop it! Let him find his next victim. By nature women stick with the ones they love so it is innate, just make sure you get a guy who is worth sticking around for. This behavior usually runs in the family, not 100% but commonly it does so find out about his father and brothers, etc... Bill Clinton would not have been a cheat if his father was not that way- identity issues of men run deep and are usually learned patterns.

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I just went through this and I thought cause we went to high school together same age both Dutch raised the same way he totally comes off as a gentleman it fact he would make me look like I was crazy .I caught him with a guy and it was a scene he called the police told all his neighbors if they see me call the cops calm I imagined the whole thing Ian mentality ill I know what I saw. He came back 2 months later all nice and I went back again it was around Xmas new years two weeks after the new year he just dumped me outta nowhere over the phone and I have a 4 year girl with autism not much help from the dad I have alot of stress he promised me wed move out together go he said my future was looking bright with him we had alot of sex so I was very confused I think he's with a married man we are both 47 iam shocked that I got myself in this mentally abusive relationship he picked on me from saying if I wear black Iam not allowed at his house iam a very attractive woman great figure I let him age me iam so depressed by this rollercoaster relationship my hair started falling out I am mess he also plays games online he made it look like he's in Hawaii with a paid escort cause he knows I look for answers on the internet he's addicted to **** bad men and woman live chat he also has about 10 online relationships going on I spent do much time with him its hard to know how he dose this after work during the week I think one comes in to visit him every few monthes and he gets rid of me he's saying horrible things about me calling me a nightmare a beast a couple weeks ago I was his baby doll calls me on all his breaks at work texts me pictures of himself tells me I miss u I love u everyday I mean its a mind ****!! Sorry it goes from that to total disconnect won't answer the phone or text back and if u go to his place he won't answer the door then hell call the long time was 3 monthes want me back? I think I've had enough I miss him and I still love him so much its wasn't all bad or I wouldn't of stayed in it and hey its not easy meeting people at 47 and a child I think he liked that I was trapped I hope I can stop this if he tries to comeback I feel like I need help thank you

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I hate to say this, but women have brought this on themselves. Back in time, when women's had a higher standard of morals, men would do anything to get them - men were ready to rush to the alter.

Too many loose women are out there, why should men behave ?



P.S. I'm a woman and I'm writing this.

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You are right about this- not all women are loose but many chase their man so he gets used to it. When a woman gives in so easily then he leaves her and she runs to him or begs him back then gives sex again- it all has to do with giving themselves away too easily. Men practice emotional infidelity and many women too. No trust and too easy to have sex- no self-management.

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My boyfriend tolde me he still have the feeling other girl he meet before me after 3moths relationships breaking news!! want help for my question

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I am only 16 and I am with someone 6 years older than me. We have been together for almost 3 years and I have been hurt so many times by him, that I am lucky I am not overly depressed. They do it, because they know you are an easy target and it makes them feel better about themselves. I do everything in the world for this man that a normal 16 yr old would not do! He knows I love him with all my heart, but Ive let him control me....

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