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Why is my son so suborn? My husband gets drunk and abusive. That is because he has the alcoholic decease of addiction. Las time my son visited my husband got drunk and said horrible things. Now my son will not come to visit. I don't understand why he does not understand that my husband is sick. and forgive him. My son is destroying our family. He should close an eye, apologize, and pretend nothing happened. Who has more brain should use it. what is your point of view?
pistacchia pistacchia 46-50, F 14 Answers Aug 26 in Parenting & Family

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As I said before, you are taking the side of your drunkard abusive husband. YOU SON IS NOT THE DRUNK!!!!! You are an enabler of the worst kind. Who has more brain? It sure isn't you or your drunkard husband. You do not deserve to have a relationship with your son with your attitude.

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I agree!

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After reading her comments below I believe both parents have 'ILLNESSES'. So, trying to carry a rational conversation with her will be impossible.

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She had another post a bit before this one. She did not like the replies, so she tried again. I agree with your assessment 100%, she and her husband are both ill.

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He Is using it, he's Staying Away from the shiitt, too bad U don't have the brains your Son does

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Well said.

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In all due respect- your post is the most irrational projection I've read. Re-read your question. Then you answer it from our prospective.

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But don't you see? My husband is hill. Why does my son not understand that? It's like dealing with a person with dementia. Why is my son trying to make a point? He is selfish and insensitive.

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Wrong your husband has even legally no right to have any contact with your children unless he gets sober...

The alcoholism might be a disease but one that doesn't defend you from consequences and one he could work against...

Btw you are supposed to protect your children from that kind of influence not defend the abuser... Hope cys will get noticed there

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Alcoholism is not a disease, it is a chemical dependency. Self inflicted too, as the liquid cannot spontaneously appear in his mouth. He chooses to drink, he chooses not to fight his addiction. Yes fighting addiction is not easy, yes there is probably a deeper root cause of his dependency issues...but, he's a grown man and he is responsible for himself. Your husband needs to take responsibility for himself and sort his life out.

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But he is not capable of taking responsibility. So, I feel that it's our job to forgive him and pretend nothing happened. Why is my son trying to make a point with someone that will never change? Why is he destroying our family?

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He is a grown man, of course he is capable of taking responsibility of himself. His addiction does not prevent that, it only makes it more difficult for him to stop consuming alcohol.
He CAN fight his dependency, but he's too busy telling himself that he is powerless to notice how strong he really is. You are not helping him by telling him that he is powerless.

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The fact is - it is YOU that is destroying your family by thinking that your son is wrong. Look in the mirror.

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pistacchia, Your Son is not destroying your family, YOU ARE

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1 More Response

My dear woman...this illusion you have is very sad, your child should alway come first not your husband...
If my husband ever laid a hand on my kids he would be dead or very close to it
Your son is over all the crap, just let him be

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Would you close an eye to a loved one having cancer? Oh it's unpleasant so I will imagine flowers and candy tumors instead. My father was is a recovering alcoholic and addict for the last 15 years. As much as I love my dad, it left me with plenty of emotional scares and I was frequently scared of him when I was younger. Do not blame your son, it may be illness but he is not the one ignoring it. You are.

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But would you forgive someone with cancer? it's the same thing...

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NOT EVEN REMOTELY. Cancer is involuntary. Drinking is a voluntary action. YOU are one sick person.

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No, you can make a conscious choice to get help for it. I have known my dad since I was three. He has been sober for the last 15 years. It was very difficult for him and I understand it can be compulsive but it is not impossible to quit. You cannot allow him to think it is ok. What he is doing will destroy your family unless by some miracle. Ma'am, my family suffered through it. I urge you strongly to get your entire family help before it is too late. Your son didn't pour that first drink down his throat did he? Or the last? Do not blame him. Please.

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OmG pistacchia, you're a Fvcking Ret@rd, comparing Alcoholism with Cancer?

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Tony, she's a Completely Lossed Cause

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2 More Responses

alcoholism may be incurable, drinking is curable

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Your son realizes that your husband is toxic. He does not want to be influenced by that, and he therefore, stays away from him. ABSOLUTELY his right to do. If you want to deal with it, fine. Sounds to me like your husband should be in a program for alcohol abuse. And you sound like an enabler.

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Why is he so stuborn? It's genetic

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Because, he doesn't see my husband drinking as a hillness. My husband is hill. Why is my son shaking it? Why is he not closing an eye?

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Better question, how do you Keep spelling the same word Wrong?

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Wrong your husband is... It might be a disease but it's no excuse for abuseing people... It doesn't take away punishment if you break the law either... Oh and an alcoholic parent is reason enough to place kids outside of the family

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From the aspect of a son, I want to tell you this. It is not so proud of them to have such a father. People usually say that parents don't have the choice for what their children would be, but they forget that neither do children. And of course, what would he benifit from doing things you say? (No offense) or you can simply do this: brainstorm to find out why you can forgive your husband, and try figure out why those reasons don't apply on your son. Anyway, hope you can make the best decision to keep the family harmony.

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More brains does not mean that you dont have a heart that does not feel hurt

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A person became addicted into something because they chose it. They chose to drink and then they have no will anymore to control it when to stop. My father is addicted also to alcohol and he died because of it. Alcohol destroyed his liver.And i hate to see my father like that ruining himself. You said that ur husband is sick yes that is alcoholism then why not help him to stop instead of forcing your son to accept an addiction.

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